Good... And Good for You

i was completely convinced while waiting in the drive thru line at kneaders, that i was being stalked by a zamboni. a seemingly crazy sentence, since zamboni's rarely venture out amongst the populace. but i saw in my rear view mirror a zamboni-like vehicle pass behind me EIGHT times. and let me assure you being stalked by a zamboni is not the joy ride you might think it to be. sure, they can seem carefree and wholesome on a brightly lit ice skating rink, but it's a whole different story when you meet one on the streets because their intentions cannot necessarily be trusted. i think i saw a movie once where this guy gets chased by a zamboni. and he's trying to outrun it, but it's the 70's and his car is large and crappy and might not have enough gas to get to the top of the hill and i think it was an early steven spielberg movie and, sure, maybe it was about a guy being chased by a semi truck, but still... anyways, that's why when i parked my car on 700 east and

a week's worth of breakfasts... friday, january 19, 2007: denny's eggs over my hammy, diet coke (16 oz). saturday, january 20, 2007: bag of hershey's dark chocolate, two red vines. sunday, january 21, 2007: sugar free oatmeal with soy milk. monday, january 22, 2007: wendys fries (size small), diet coke (21 oz). tuesday, january 23, 2007: dorritos, chocolate donettes, diet coke w/ lime (32 oz). wednesday, january 24, 2007: diet coke (12 oz + 12 oz + 21 oz + 12 oz), 3 excedrin. thursday, january 25, 2007: parmesan chips, brownie, diet coke (21 oz). it's kind of a miracle i don't weigh 500 lbs.

many ups and downs last week. UP: i was telling a story and used the word "virulent". i didn't know such a word existed, but apparently it does because after i used it i looked it up in the dictionary and not only is it an actual word, but it's an actual word which i used correctly. i was scared of my new psychic powers. DOWN: last night whilst reading i learned that i have been mispelling the word "prerogative" my entire life and thus also mispronouncing it. i felt stupid. UP: at different points in the week a couple people confessed their aims to be more like me. i was touched. my heart grew three sizes. as did my head. however(DOWN), when i ever so humbly pried for ellaboration one person told me she admired how i continually try to talk to the people even though they are overtly apathic towards me and the other said she enjoys how familiar i seem to be with all the 7/11 and wendys employees in the three mile radius of my apartment. i felt pathetic. ...ok

a scene from wendys... it starts with me walking into the restaurant. cashier girl: hi. me: hi. cashier girl: may i take your order? me: i'd like the #6 combo with a chili instead of fries and a diet coke. meanwhile, the drive thru window lady is peering over at me. she comes to the counter. drive thru window lady: you didn't come through the drive thru today! me: ya, i know. this is when all the people from the back come up to the counter. another drive thru window lady: why didn't you come through the drive thru? me: car trouble. i'm walking home from work today. drive thru window lady: oh no! me: eh, what can you do? kind of awkward silence i guess i could've walked through the drive thru. laughter cashier girl: here's your meal. me: thanks. well, see ya! and then everyone waved goodbye. i'm not particularly sure what part of the above scene made me feel pathetic but i'm vaguely certain it has something to do with the familiarity i share with the empl

dear "all the unanswered emails in my inbox", i am very (1) busy (2) and important (3) . love, kat. 1. please read: "kind of" (17) 2. please read: "bored" (6) 3. please read: "defeated" (4) 4. and i'll tell you why. my job is a nightmare (5) . 5. no surprise there, though. am i right (7) ? 6. no surprise there, though. am i right? 7. in fact, i know it frustrates many of you (8) to hear me constantly (10) whining (12) about how i hate my job (16) . 8. because i never do anything to fix it. 9. because i really only have one point to make. do you know what doesn't get rid of a headache? i do. 11 mini donuts. 10. oh my gosh though, the office manager girl here is killing me with all of her "annoying beyond the telling of it" character traits and if she asks me one more time if i've finished the private label truffle pricesheet somebody is going to have to remove all the sharp objects (11) from my office because i swear o

covet covet covet covet covet um. covet.

. . . ya, i've so got nothing to say. nothing cute. or funny. oh, wait! syphillis. there, that's funny.

a'ight. i'ma bust a mad blog in your ears. ...word. ya... that's not working for me. even the part of me that thinks that one weird al song is funny was embarassed by that intro. and frankly i'm pretty sure what i said up there makes no sense. some good news- after only 4 days of, you know, not binge eating and doing the running ahem! apply term loosely thing, i have lost all my holiday weight. can you deal with that? i have a tendency towards restlessness. this may come as a surprise to some of you. this may, in fact, stun many of you and cause you to go into a sort of coma catalyzed by the shock and awe you are now feeling. this may cause of few of you to question your very existence in a kierkegaardian "life has no inherent meaning" kind of a way. and this paragraph may cause some of you to roll your eyes and click the "next blog" button at the top of the page because sarcasm is really only funny when its understated. i don't do understated

i am the most awkward person on the phone. this has nothing to do with anything. except that i just got off the phone with one of our printers and i am the most awkward person on the phone. my story as i drove up to salt lake on new year's eve day for family dinner, i sang along to cake's "short skirt, long jacket". gentley. happily. serenely. to the left of me i sensed a hoverer. i glanced over to the carpool lane and indeed, the car next to me was hovering. a 15 ish year old girl and a 15 ish year old boy looked over at me, grinning while the adult in the driver's seat matched my speed, and then the boy held up his cell phone and took my picture. it was awkward. i slowed down so they would pull ahead, which they did although the children never broke eye contact, turning their heads and grinning out the back window. it was creepy. i got out of the passing lane and, ever the master of repression, forced myself to think of other things. however, five minutes