Good... And Good for You

a week's worth of breakfasts... friday, january 19, 2007: denny's eggs over my hammy, diet coke (16 oz). saturday, january 20, 2007: bag of hershey's dark chocolate, two red vines. sunday, january 21, 2007: sugar free oatmeal with soy milk. monday, january 22, 2007: wendys fries (size small), diet coke (21 oz). tuesday, january 23, 2007: dorritos, chocolate donettes, diet coke w/ lime (32 oz). wednesday, january 24, 2007: diet coke (12 oz + 12 oz + 21 oz + 12 oz), 3 excedrin. thursday, january 25, 2007: parmesan chips, brownie, diet coke (21 oz). it's kind of a miracle i don't weigh 500 lbs.

dear "all the unanswered emails in my inbox", i am very (1) busy (2) and important (3) . love, kat. 1. please read: "kind of" (17) 2. please read: "bored" (6) 3. please read: "defeated" (4) 4. and i'll tell you why. my job is a nightmare (5) . 5. no surprise there, though. am i right (7) ? 6. no surprise there, though. am i right? 7. in fact, i know it frustrates many of you (8) to hear me constantly (10) whining (12) about how i hate my job (16) . 8. because i never do anything to fix it. 9. because i really only have one point to make. do you know what doesn't get rid of a headache? i do. 11 mini donuts. 10. oh my gosh though, the office manager girl here is killing me with all of her "annoying beyond the telling of it" character traits and if she asks me one more time if i've finished the private label truffle pricesheet somebody is going to have to remove all the sharp objects (11) from my office because i swear o...

warning: i'm caffeine free. this is, in fact, noncaffeination: day two. and although i enjoy the light, low carb, non FDA approved flavor of fuze juice, chromium and vitaminC are not going to keep my head from caving in. on this lovely friday morning (please read: afternoon) , i am struck with an intense appreciation for mankind's potential to embrace diversity. it's beautiful really. there are people who love to watch "casablanca" (never seen it) as well as "the three stooges" (never wanted to see it) . people who enjoy reading charles dickens (hate him) as well as anne rice (if it's not joss whedon, i want no part of it) . people who find the "love is..." cartoons (dumb) and "lil brudder" (stupid) equally delightful. and people who feel both michael buble (not enough testosterone) and def leppard (too much hair) are good for the soul. i, however, represent a different cross-section of unbiased humanity. because i hate eve...

dear friends, family, and people i'm only pretending to like in the hopes that someday they'll buy me something, there's something i've been meaning to write about and i suppose now is as good a time as any to get into it. after years of thinking i should probably do so, i finally started to get some neurological testing done. i got my first brain scan back this morning and the doctor pointed out something a little peculiar he found. ok. so this is my brain... and if you zoom in on that... wait. zoom in a little bit more... and then zoom in a little further, you see this... i know. weird, right? unrelated pet peeve of the day: the phrase is not "i could care less".

some songs that describe me today: uno "basket case" green day dos "under pressure" queen featuring david bowie tres "help" the beatles songs that do not describe me today: un "free at last" g love deux "hard knock life" jay z trois "oklahoma" from the musical "oklahoma" some actors i'm worried about because i haven't heard anything about them lately: ichi the former stars of the acclaimed kids show "today's special" ni dr. greene from "e.r." a.k.a. goose from "top gun" san christian slater some things that sound really good right now: men men twee pretzelmaker's salty, buttery pretzel with cream cheese drie some diet freaking coke!

every once and a while there's a day where you go to work and realize everyone's either annoying or in a really bad mood and throwing bags of candy very angrily at the wall. and you, as always have a complete lack of anything ressembling a desire to work. you find yourself gradually turning up the volume on your new, birthday ipod nano so "no diggity" is the only thing your brain can process. you spend your work day goofing around on the internet and wondering if blackstreet thought they were being clever when they came up with the term "eargasm". and let's get one thing straight. you are content to do so. and a little bit numb. numb due in small part to lack of sleep and lack of diet coke in the vending machine... that's right. you're back together with diet coke. you tried to break it off. to turn your attention to other beverages which wouldn't hurt you, but in the end... you're weak. so very, very weak. ...but mostly due to the huge a...

last sunday, my grandfather gave me my birthday present and i can hear what you're all on the verge of commenting... "happy birthday! hooray! you're older! you're 25! you're a quarter of a century !" no. no i'm not. my birthday's in august, however my grandfather has a life (as in my life) long tradition of eccentricity. i'm sure the day i was born he went out and bought me a beautiful, top of the line crib... either that or a magazine about penguins. i personally can't remember that far back. but i know those are valid predictions, because... well, basically because those are two gifts i would want to give and guess who i inherited my randomness from. that's right. grandpa. as a young child, i was shy and inhibited and not quite sure how to deal with an old man who didn't treat me like all the other grown ups in my life did. "grandpa planned" excursions into the unknown made me wary because i never knew whether i'd end up...

if you were to talk to me on the phone or receive an email from me you would notice that i'm a tad monotone and if you then did a little research into the matter you would discover that for the last week i've been doing really strange things like eating fruit and thinking very very seriously about exercizing and if you delved deep enough you would then realize than i am, in point of fact, noncaffeinated. for maybe, like, the 4th time in my life. truthfully though, you probably haven't spoken on the phone with me or received an email, because in the past week i've had even less attention span than usual. and i keep on finding myself drifting off in the middle of

this is what the typical human brain looks like... in contrast, this is my brain... any questions?

i had a whole post worked out where i was going to talk about my experience with phase 1 of the south beach diet. it would be scathing. it would border on brilliance. and it would of course make fun of... well ... me. but i woke up this morning completely covered in a very itchy, very red , very swollen rash, and my eyes and throat are also very swollen and itchy. it's inexplicable and it's very very unpleasant. so, here i sit at work with a bottle of benedryl, a tube of hydrocortisone cream, and a diet coke with lime, using all my mental effort to not cough, or scratch, or touch my eyes. still... something must be said. because i have very strong feelings about this whole sitution. feelings that are perhaps best expressed through graphic art . you should see the interpretive dance.

this year's anti-resolutions. in other words, things i should change. but won't. because really who're we kidding? stop drinking soda wake up an hour earlier and exercize. participate in a fully functional relationship. stop watching tv. stop eating out. stop buying clothes. and movies. and bright orange watches. go to the dentist. get to work on time everyday. i can't even imagine what it would be like to be that self disciplined, punctual, and responsible. with good oral hygeine. but talk about boring. so much for becoming "foible free kat". here's to another year of caffeine, love handles, dysfunction, "celebrity fit club" marathons, burritos, kitschy accessories, unfilled cavities, and chronic tardiness.

in my opinion, setting a goal is terrifying. because you might not acheive it. maybe "goal" isn't the right word to use, because i set a lot of goals everyday which i don't keep. and i don't really have a problem with it. i've already made it my goal twice today to "stop with the caffeine already". nope. "goal" isn't the right word to use. but neither is "dream". it's a little too corn bally with a bit of martin luther king jr thrown into the mix. to appease the semanticism of this particular ernie sabella entry let's say this, we all have our ambitions. our mt. everests that we say we're going to climb someday, but pretty much we just day dream about it. turning the whole effort part of it into a happy little mantage in our heads, kind of glossing over the hard work part of it, and mostly thinking about how fun it would be once all the hard work/mantagey stuff is over. and there's nothing wrong with that. ever...

dear ernie sabella*, i like being busy. i like, what those of us who speak the chocolate biz lingo refer to as, the busy holiday season. but i don't like that there are things i don't get to blog about when i'm busy... i hate dr. laura. i went to best buy on saturday and insulted salesguy tristan. there is nothing that easy cheese doesn't make better. i tried to take an online quiz about what my political views were, but somehow ended up taking a relationship quiz which said i was "deliberate", "brutal", "a priss", and that i "use sex as a weapon". duh. tell me something i don't know. the third time i bought a diet coke during one guy's shift, he said, "again?" and i said, "apparently there's not enough diet coke in the world to satisfy me today." and he said, "hu. i don't drink soda." and i said, "i don't know how to talk to you." and left. i think this older (the "...

dear diary, i went to olive garden last night with my second favorite person ever*. i, of course, spent 10 minutes assuring the seating hostess that she really could do her hair like mine, she just needed a lot of aquanet and a smaller curling iron. and that, no really, that's all she needed. our waiter was odd. now, when i say that i mean that his name was "odd". and also that he acted odd. i've actually had odd as a waiter before. he's reeeally touchy about his name. he doesn't like for you to ask him about it. and when he explains that it's short for "oddysseus" (yes, with two d's) he doesn't like for you to ask him if his parents are into epic poetry. and when he says that actually his parents were bikers, he does not appreciate your snickering. so last night i knew to smile politely, to say that everything he did was perfect, and to not question the fact that he brought six extra forks with our desserts. which i think, all in all, ...

i'm dying. this isn't exactly the way i wanted to go, but... you know... it happens. i have pink eye. at age 24. and now i think the pink eye has spread to my throat. and ears. and nose. and brain. in the last hour i've put 5 excedrin, 2 prescription eye drops, a glass of airborne, 20 cookies, a chicken quesadilla, 30 billion mentholated cough drops, and 20 ounces of diet coke into my system. and i just found some old codeine. that'll probably be next. but what i'm saying is... if the codeine doesn't help, i'm going to chop my head off. and in that eventuality, i need to settle a few things... mom, to you i leave all the stuff i've stolen from home over the years. daddy, you can have my laptop so you will no longer need to borrow it and say, "i need to get one of these... how do you turn it on?" liz, my "buffy" dvd's are all yours. lincoln, you get the container of artificial sweetener i stole from chili's. kate, to you i leav...

a lot of people look to my blog to keep them abreast of today's "hot topics". because i never shy away from controversy. no way. i look controversy straight in the eye and i say, "you don't scare me, bucko." that's right. i hate that there are state quarters. it's idiotic. i was getting a diet coke from the vending machine, as i've done before and as i will do again, most likely very soon, and i grabbed all the change out of my pocket and realized that i was checking the backs of all my quarters so that i wouldn't spend a new one. because should i find a 2005 one, i'm supposed to save it and give it to my mother and grandmother who have these cardboard maps of the u.s. with a space for each state's quarter. luckily i didn't have any new ones. only ohio and connecticut. so i was able to get my soda. in a society that's been known to have a "beanie baby craze" why would our government introduce collectable currency? ...

i hate jogging. i'm not good at it. i look goofy doing it. and it feels awkward. and i've never experienced a runner's high. and even when i used to go to the gym, i'd only do the cardio stuff if my sister was with me, cuz she liked to do the elipticals. my parents have a treadmill which i've ignored for the last 5 years. until this morning when i did something i've always wanted to do. i raced. i tried to figure out how fast real runners go, and run as fast as them. i definitely lost the race. did you know that olympic runners are really fast? but i still ran as fast as i could for five minutes. until there was serious danger of me tripping. and my parent's dog was completely scared of me. and when i was done, i had enough adrenaline in my system that i didn't even get a diet coke today. i always wanted to do that at the gym. stretch a little, get on the treadmill, stare at the stranger next to me and say, " ok. on your mark... get set... GO! ...

yesterday was a bad day. the specifics of which aren't important. although... you know... bad days always seem to follow the same pattern. they start out disguised as an "any other day you might have" kind of day... lulling you into a false sense of security with their any-other-dayness. and there are always a few up s that mingle in with the ego bruises and second guessing and worrisome phone calls, so it's not until you're lying in bed at 2 a.m. with your eyes wide open that you realize that you've just had one . bad . day. but what i really hate is how a bad day sticks with you. you wake up the next morning feeling sluggish and "knot-in-your-stomach"ish. and then 2 seconds later you remember why. and you think to yourself, "whatever. that was yesterday. i'm fine today." but then you see yourself snapping at the gas station attendant kid because your 32 cent tuesday's diet coke cost 62 cents due to new ownership. you see yours...

today was a sad day in my life. today i realized that i now prefer diet coke to mountain dew. i mean, and i knew this day would come. i've been working towards this for awhile, and i thought i wanted it, i really did. no more sugary sodas, that was my goal. but i can remember buying my first can of mountain dew from the high school vending machine when i was 14 years old. granted, mostly because it correlated with meeting one of my best friends and also, because my mom thinks caffeine and "the simpsons" are evil so rebelling against her has always been memorable. i feel so petty, because it's not like i love diet coke, it's more just that i've grown accustomed to its taste. it almost makes the day begin. i've grown accustomed to the tune is whistles night and noon. it's joys, it's frowns, it's ups, it's downs are second nature to me now. like breathing out and breathing in. i was serenely independent and content before we met. surely i ...

in trying to take advantage of my not-workingness, i went to a matinee. at a time when most people were participating in "the grind", i was enjoying an afternoon of cinema. i was the only person in the theater, which made me feel self conscious until i remembered that celebrities buy out entire theaters so they can see a movie. and they also build really swanky home theaters with recliners and pinball machines. so then i felt all pampered and famous and i wondered where my personal assistant had gone with my popcorn. (to jump from the topic, but not from the afternoon... when i went to buy my ticket i was all excited because it cost $4.75 and i'd get a quarter back and have enough change to buy a mountain dew and then the ticket lady was like, "would you like to donate your quarter to primary children's hospital?" of course i didn't think my caffeine fix was more important than sick children. of course i didn't begrudge the hospital my quarter. of co...