the other day i was running late, as i am prone to do, and the traffic lights conspired against me despite how wildly i gesticulated at them.
so after hitting, like, my 300th red light in a row, i let out an exasperated, "gaa!" and veered to turn right. only there was a guy on the corner who stepped into the intersection in front of me.
so i hit him.
just kidding. i hit my brakes and let out another "gaa!" which made the guy look at me like i was ridiculous.
which i was.
so i flashed him the peace sign because that's what i do when i'm in my car and i want people to forgive me for being ridiculous.
but that just made the guy stop in front of my car and glare at me as though he thought i was doing a sarcastic peace sign. which i most definitely was not. my peace signs are always in earnest.
so then i gestured at him to cross. kind of a, "no, seriously, sir. it's your right of way and i realize that. proceed." kind of a gesture.
but that just made him start waving his arms at me. like he thought i was sarcastically gesturing for him to cross. which i have been known to do, so... you know... what can you do?
so i rolled down my window and said, "sorry, i'm in a hurry and i keep hitting red lights and i got frustrated. you're fine, you're golden. sorry."
which made him walk up to my window, put his hands on my door, and shove his head inside my car.
"i'm olden?"
"no. golden. i said you're golden."
he shoved his head farther in and stared at me for a few seconds, "you're kind of hot."
"..."
"and your teeth are really white."
"..."
"i like your dog."
so i did the only thing i could do.
i made out with him.
just kidding. i maintained eye contact with and slowly let my foot off the brake, rolling my way to freedom.
as i pulled away he shouted, "i'll call you!"
this is basically a story about why you shouldn't get frustrated at a red light.
so after hitting, like, my 300th red light in a row, i let out an exasperated, "gaa!" and veered to turn right. only there was a guy on the corner who stepped into the intersection in front of me.
so i hit him.
just kidding. i hit my brakes and let out another "gaa!" which made the guy look at me like i was ridiculous.
which i was.
so i flashed him the peace sign because that's what i do when i'm in my car and i want people to forgive me for being ridiculous.
but that just made the guy stop in front of my car and glare at me as though he thought i was doing a sarcastic peace sign. which i most definitely was not. my peace signs are always in earnest.
so then i gestured at him to cross. kind of a, "no, seriously, sir. it's your right of way and i realize that. proceed." kind of a gesture.
but that just made him start waving his arms at me. like he thought i was sarcastically gesturing for him to cross. which i have been known to do, so... you know... what can you do?
so i rolled down my window and said, "sorry, i'm in a hurry and i keep hitting red lights and i got frustrated. you're fine, you're golden. sorry."
which made him walk up to my window, put his hands on my door, and shove his head inside my car.
"i'm olden?"
"no. golden. i said you're golden."
he shoved his head farther in and stared at me for a few seconds, "you're kind of hot."
"..."
"and your teeth are really white."
"..."
"i like your dog."
so i did the only thing i could do.
i made out with him.
just kidding. i maintained eye contact with and slowly let my foot off the brake, rolling my way to freedom.
as i pulled away he shouted, "i'll call you!"
this is basically a story about why you shouldn't get frustrated at a red light.
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