Good... And Good for You

i think about the “why am i still single?” question a lot. like, a lot. because it’s a big deal. connecting and partnering up with someone is a huge part of the life experience. and not being able to make something so integral to the human existence happen, makes me feel defective. I don't go on dates. and i try really hard not to talk too much about it because if i did, i’d have to explain that it’s not that i don’t get asked out on dates, it’s that the idea of going on a date with someone makes me panic. mentally and physiologically. my stomach clenches, my heart starts beating really fast, my breathing gets really shallow, and the only thought that goes through my mind is, “nonononononono.” and also i make this face: which isn't a normal reaction. I see that. but it’s the reaction i ALWAYS have. it doesn’t even matter whether or not i like the guy. we can be hanging out and flirting and i will be fine, but the instant i sense a date invite coming, i pan...

last week, there was a guy on the radio whom i named "inferior stefon." he was like this! ...except not. he's some sort of local, "night life" columnist and i was super excited to hear him promote the downtown happenings for the weekend, but it wound up being the biggest letdown of my life. (hyperbole? you decide) and sure, part of the problem is his source material, because how many "human roombas" and "football jellyfish" can you find in salt lake city? and sure, part of the problem is that stefon is not a real person. but come on, son! part of the problem is you. you need to step up your game. naturally, this got me thinking whom i would be if i just tried a little harder. and the first thing that came to mind was andy rooney. that's not weird, right?

I've been taking advantage of my three whole weeks of "no class!" weeknights (not to be confused with "low class!" weeknights (because that's EVERY weeknight! (... i don't know))) and going to my favorite weightlifting class at the gym. I'm super buff now. I can totally lift moderate levels of weight for my gender/age/body type classification  like you wouldn't believe! ANYways. my gym started a new class called "Body Combat" and, if you know me and my love of sitting on the couch and watching taebo, you know that this is my type of class. I found out that it starts right after my weightlifting class, so I decided to give it a whirl. And I loved it. And I will tell you why. The reasons why being threefold: 1.  It's a good workout.  Apparently beating the air wildly with my tiny, petulant fists is a solid workout. 2.  Everybody in the class takes it very seriously.  Everyone in class acts lik...

i read this article the other day on the " dunning-kruger effect ." essentially, it's the idea that when people are unskilled in a certain area, they lack the very skills required to see that they're unskilled. or, as my dear friend bill mcneal once said, "it is the wise man who knows there is much he does not know." (matthew, nodding, "... i know.") i would say that the dunning-kruger effect (sometimes, in my mind, i call it the "dunder-mifflin effect") has been kicking my trash the last 4 to 5 (to 9 (to 381)) months. and i will tell you why. i decided to take classes at the local community college to become a paralegal. the process of deciding to do it was super random. so random, in fact, that i don't actually remember the impetus for doing it. however, around august, i made up my mind that this was something I wanted to do. i knew i wanted to do it, but- full disclosure (that in no way makes me look sym...

a couple of weeks ago, i went to a football game with a friend and her family, including her 16 year old niece who quite obviously thinks i'm lame. which is totally fine because i am kind of lame and also she's 16, so the eye rolling and the cringing kind of just comes with the territory. i was thinking about how hard it is to be a teenage girl- how much time you spend worrying about embarrassing yourself, how HUGE the little embarrassments feel and how generally inhibited you have to become just to feel like you can survive. i really don't feel like i was ever myself with my friends until the summer after my freshman year of college because i was so terrified that they wouldn't like me.  and i was a pretty well-adjusted kid. as an adult, i have the opposite problem. i live alone and tend to go unchecked in a lot of ways and the challenge is to stay on the right side of social norms. here, i'll give you an example. halloween is coming and i freaking love hall...

the other day i was running late, as i am prone to do, and the traffic lights conspired against me despite how wildly i gesticulated at them. so after hitting, like, my 300th red light in a row, i let out an exasperated, "gaa!" and veered to turn right. only there was a guy on the corner who stepped into the intersection in front of me. so i hit him. just kidding. i hit my brakes and let out another "gaa!" which made the guy look at me like i was ridiculous. which i was. so i flashed him the peace sign because that's what i do when i'm in my car and i want people to forgive me for being ridiculous. but that just made the guy stop in front of my car and glare at me as though he thought i was doing a sarcastic peace sign. which i most definitely was not. my peace signs are always in earnest. so then i gestured at him to cross. kind of a, "no, seriously, sir. it's your right of way and i realize that. proceed." kind of a gesture. but th...

so, it turns out my grandfather did not have a secret family in germany. i know i should be happy about it, but all i can think about is how the potentially greatest chapter of my currently unwritten memoirs will now never be written. and how the title of my memoirs, "kat: nazi hunter," has lost the touch of irony that was sure to make it a best seller.

sixish+ months ago, i was watching "60 minutes" with my dad and there was a story about people who don't have the facial recognition part of their brain so they don't have the ability to recognize anybody. ever. not even their children. it was sad. they quizzed the non-recognizers by holding up pictures of famous people like martin luther king, jr. and george clooney, etc. and the poor, non-recognizers knew not a one. and neither did my dad (which made me feel slightly more forgiving towards him regarding the time i had a five minute conversation with him at the bank and it turned out he didn't know who i was (but (silver lining) he was still very nice to me)). like, seriously. he didn't know anybody. and every time they held up a picture of a black guy, he would guess jesse jackson, which was never the right answer. THEN they moved on to the people on the opposite side of the spectrum, a super recognizer, who remembers every face. it was also kind of sad...