Thursday, September 24, 2009


one of the most inconsequential letdowns of my life was when i read "pygmalian." i was 17 and in a super serious relationship with oscar wilde. and what do you do when you're infatuated with someone? that's right, you get to know their friends. thus "pygmalian."
also known as "my fair lady" except not because of the absolute lack of "by george, i think she's got it"/"the rain in spain"/"i've grown accustomed to her face" moments.
let. down.
age 17 was also the year i waited in line to see "phantom menace" on opening day thinking i was finally going to experience first hand "star wars" awesomeness.
i mean, completely unimportant in the grand scheme of things but still.

Monday, September 21, 2009


i cannot, for the life of me, remember whether or not i turned off the stove this morning and since there's absolutely no way i can commute home during lunch to check, i'm doing the next best thing...

obsessing about it.

imagining everything i own being burned to a crisp, including the secret stash of cash i forgot to deposit when i went to the bank on friday.
and then i start thinking about that scene from "the unsinkable molly brown" where the unsinkable molly brown- attempting to out think potential bandits- hides her piles of money in the stove.
then i wonder how i'm going to explain to my mother that i burned down my grandmother's house and hummels.
however, if i'm keeping it real as i'm not really prone to do, the only thing i'm obsessing about is the fact that my poor little dog is alone in the house and the first (and really only) rule of pet ownership is to not leave your pet in a burning building.

in summary, some life advice: if you can't do something constructive, do something neurotic.

i also can't remember whether or not i locked the door this morning.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

i've never been able to use the word "dearth" in any conversation ever. usually i'll hear or read a word i like and keep it on the back burner until the magic moment when it finally fits into a conversation and then i'll bust it out all nonchalant and the person i'm talking to will usually stare at me because actually i wasn't at all nonchalant about it. but usually if i can very consciously get a word out once it will become a part of my vocabulary and i can stop obsessing about it. "dearth" has yet to be applicable.
although it occurs to me that with a little more effort i could've used "dearth" while describing this very situation.
eh. whatever.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

wherein i imply that i'm pretty

sorry, fellas. i don't mean to make your mind all jumbly.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

it doesn't matter how you play the game, it's whether you win or lose

the other day i saw a real life recreation of a pivotal scene from "teen wolf".
you all know what i'm talking about...

now, "teen wolf" is an awesome, awesome movie. it taught us all the importance of both accepting and controlling our own inner wolf. see, the whole wolf thing is like a metaphor. a wonderfully weird, basketball playing metaphor.
and i felt like i needed to pull these real life teen wolves aside and explain how the whole point of teen wolf is to NOT go van surfing. and also, m.j.f. had a stunt man because standing on a van while your doofus friend veers around isn't- wait, what's the word?- SAFE. and also, m.j.f. had a stunt man do the whole skateboarding/holding on to a truck bumper thing too. just f.y.i.