Wednesday, October 26, 2005

odd

dear diary,

i went to olive garden last night with my second favorite person ever*. i, of course, spent 10 minutes assuring the seating hostess that she really could do her hair like mine, she just needed a lot of aquanet and a smaller curling iron. and that, no really, that's all she needed.
our waiter was odd. now, when i say that i mean that his name was "odd". and also that he acted odd. i've actually had odd as a waiter before. he's reeeally touchy about his name. he doesn't like for you to ask him about it. and when he explains that it's short for "oddysseus" (yes, with two d's) he doesn't like for you to ask him if his parents are into epic poetry. and when he says that actually his parents were bikers, he does not appreciate your snickering.
so last night i knew to smile politely, to say that everything he did was perfect, and to not question the fact that he brought six extra forks with our desserts.
which i think, all in all, worked out pretty well because when he brought us our bill he looked over his shoulder and said, "are there any managers around?... ok. good. look, i had a bunch of tables in the other room and i feel like i wasn't very attentive to you guys, and you guys seem pretty cool... so... here... i gave you some extra mints."
um... ok.
also, i found gas for $2.53 a gallon. after my ridiculously overpriced diet coke and breadsticks i swerved into the station and yelled, "now
this is where i make my money back!"

i guess my point is that it doesn't matter that i'm not in l.a. today. it doesn't matter that my business meeting got cancelled at the very last minute. and that i've been completely stressed trying to get 30 billion "victorian" labels put together. it doesn't matter.
because i have a full tank of gas, and a purse full of mints.
and a hint of indigestion.

later,
kat

*second only to the inventor of excedrin.

van down by the river

dear those of you who always thought i could make it as a motivational speaker,
this might change your mind.
yours, kat.
________________________________

life rarely goes the way i plan it. phew.

yet inevitabley i plan.

because the way i'm thinking it works is that fate/dumb luck/life require that i make the first move before they can take me in the opposite direction.

and i'm also thinking that i can't sit around and wait for things to happen. because then i would be a fatalist and fatalists think that nothing they do matters and they're victims to circumstance.
i hate fatalists.
even though i think that as a mormon i technically fall into the fatalism catagory.

crap.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

wrong

listen, i'm not entirely crazy. there are certain impulses that i know deep down are just plain wrong.
like how i want to buy cowboy boots. it's wrong.
and my desire for a personalized t-shirt that has a cartoon monkey in a school bus on it. so wrong.

but then there are times when the wrongness line isn't as clear.
like when i propose to the mall ice cream man. er, boy. well, not a boy, but not yet a man.
i'd like to think that there's no shame in that kind of whirlwind, chocolate-icecream-brownie-hot-fudge-volcano-centric romance no matter how mrs. robinsonesque it might be.
i'd like to think that being invited to his band's nursing home gig that night was nothing but adorable.
but because i'm not entirely crazy, i have a nagging feeling that my short lived affair with the icecream manboy was, well, wrongish.

man... remember the part about the hot fudge volcano?

it's like i was proclaiming on friday, when it comes to the female obsession with chocolate, man's role is not to question, but to enable.

Friday, October 21, 2005

easter bunny

my work related mental blocks often require that i google image my brains out for new ideas.

today i was looking for something old fashionedy.
and easter bunnyish.

and this is what i found...

.
.
.
.
.
.



the picture itself is called "easter bunny from hell".
and i cannot stop laughing.
hehehe...
that poor baby.
sigh... that just kills me.

who knows what kind of candy labels will come from this.

as per request

in response to nessa's list...

7 things i plan to do before i die
own my own business go to europe go skiing get a manicure live outside of utah get my cavity taken care of read les miserables

7 things i can do
the splits make candy labels sight read music watch "billy madison" from start to finish in my head say "shut up and kiss me" in 12 languages draw slip through very small cracks in windows

7 things i cannot do
keep a straight face watch a movie without announcing who the actors are and what else they've been in smell drive the speed limit an even somewhat convincing impression of wayne from "wayne's world" stand still when there's music playing

7 things i find most attractive about the opposite sex
kindness sarcasmy sense of humor height big smile unassuming talented motivated

7 things that i say most often
"and that's fine" "hey how ya doin' whatchya doin' what's going on what's happening?" "i don't want to talk about it." "i don't even care." "good times" "bring it" "g'oh"

7 celebrity crushes
david boreanaz will smith jimmy fallin gavin degraw hugh jackman collin firth christian bale

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

had to be

"you're funny...
...you know, they say pretty women usually aren't funny because they never had to be.
were you a fat child?"



Monday, October 17, 2005

not dead yet

back to the land of the living.
kind of.
normally i wouldn't wear a "wanted: one cute cowboy" hoodie to work.
but for the most part it's back to the land of the living.

bring it.

which reminds me*...

i enjoy reading and i mean, really who doesn't?. when people ask me, "so... what do you like to do?" reading usually makes the list, although i wouldn't say i'm well read. ok. i would. if you were a boy. and i wanted to impress you. because you looked like you're into brainy chicks. and i felt like i needed to somehow negate my hoodie. if that happened? i'd say i was well read. but i wouldn't mean it. i'm a slow reader and impatient, so it usually takes 100 pages of forcing myself to focus before i get into a book enough to enjoy it.
but then there are the books that make me love reading. a handful of incredible books that i become immediately engrossed in. and all of a sudden i choose reading over tv, or sleep, or staring at a wall. this doesn't happen often.
i have decided that "to kill a mockingbird" is one of those books.
one of the incredibles.
i could not put it down. and even when i did manage to put it down i couldn't stop thinking about it because the characters were tangible, and the story had become real. and i kept having to censor myself in conversations because i'd almost forget that my world and harper lee's world are not the same world, and people really don't care what happened to scout today.
when i was a little art student, i went to a lot of seminars and had a lot of opinionated professors and was basically flooded with a billion different ideas about what art should or shouldn't be. i've forgotten it all. it's gone. all of it. except for one statement that art should portray "what ought to be" which sounds nice, but who knows how that would all work exactly. but if you ask me, "to kill a mockingbird" is art because atticus finch represents the way people ought to be.
i'm glad i watched that episode of "gilmore girls" where they referenced boo radley, making me think to myself, "hu. i haven't read that book since i was twelve. i bet i'd like it more now than i did then."
thank you g.g's. you've yet to let me down.
thank you, also, gregory peck. wink wink.

*ok ok... my hoodie in no way reminded me of "to kill a mocking bird". i was struggling for a segue. majorly struggling.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

last will and testament

i'm dying.

this isn't exactly the way i wanted to go, but... you know... it happens.
i have pink eye. at age 24.
and now i think the pink eye has spread to my throat.
and ears.
and nose.
and brain.

in the last hour i've put 5 excedrin, 2 prescription eye drops, a glass of airborne, 20 cookies, a chicken quesadilla, 30 billion mentholated cough drops, and 20 ounces of diet coke into my system. and i just found some old codeine. that'll probably be next.

but what i'm saying is... if the codeine doesn't help, i'm going to chop my head off.

and in that eventuality, i need to settle a few things...

mom, to you i leave all the stuff i've stolen from home over the years.
daddy, you can have my laptop so you will no longer need to borrow it and say, "i need to get one of these... how do you turn it on?"
liz, my "buffy" dvd's are all yours.
lincoln, you get the container of artificial sweetener i stole from chili's.
kate, to you i leave the best thing of all... my chocolate jar.
em, you get nothing. because you gave me pink eye.
jacob, you can have whatever you want. because let's face it, i'm a pushover for 3 year olds. especially 3 year olds that call me and ask if my eyes are still sick.

everyone else will have to fight over the rest of my stuff. especially the pictures of me.
i might be gone, but the shrine of me should still live on.


...rosebud...

Monday, October 10, 2005

flights of fancy

i fancy myself a moderately healthy person.
and by that i mean that i think to myself, "heh, i should so not be eating this" as i shove yet another parmisan cheese pretzel into my mouth.

i fancy myself a moderately active person.
and by that i mean that i think to myself, "heh, i should so be outside doing something" as i lay on my couch and watch "simpsons".

i fancy myself a moderately reasonable person.
and by that i mean that i think to myself, "heh, i should so not be freaking out about this" as i pretend to talk on my cell phone so i can leave a room crammed full of my awkwardness and sit in a random bedroom and spend a half hour organizing some playing cards i found on the dresser.

a part of me realizes that what i want to be and what i am are two very different things.
which is why i'm sincerely glad that the bigger part of me... is delusional.

Friday, October 07, 2005

code

in case any of you were wondering...
no, i am not a computer programmer.
i don't know html.
to me, the inner workings of the internet are better left undelved.

just in case anyone was wondering.

side note: does anyone like country music? because i suddenly find myself with 2 free tickets to brooks and dunn tomorrow night.
who's brooks and dunn?

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

groan

my memory is full.
i'm bad with names, dates, places, and pretty much everything that has to do with remembering because i've filled up my pretty little head with too much uselessness during high school and college. and now there's no more room for anything new or important.
i want to clean out the hard drivein my head. i want to find a way to get rid of the words to the canadian national anthem. i want my 9th grade locker combination gone. the song i played at my piano recital when i was 15, the church's young women's theme, all the episode names to "buffy" seasons 2-6, the code names i gave the boys i liked my sophmore year, the fact that ron howard's brother is in every single one of his movies, the pythagorean theorum, the words to salt n peppa's "shoop"...
it can all go.
because i have to learn a new program for work.
by tomorrow.

side note: and to quote my good friend liz, i'd like to give a "good old fashioned 90's style" birthday shout out to my sister carolyn...


holla'!!

Monday, October 03, 2005

quarters

a lot of people look to my blog to keep them abreast of today's "hot topics".
because i never shy away from controversy.
no way. i look controversy straight in the eye and i say, "you don't scare me, bucko."
that's right.

i hate that there are state quarters.
it's idiotic.
i was getting a diet coke from the vending machine, as i've done before and as i will do again, most likely very soon, and i grabbed all the change out of my pocket and realized that i was checking the backs of all my quarters so that i wouldn't spend a new one. because should i find a 2005 one, i'm supposed to save it and give it to my mother and grandmother who have these cardboard maps of the u.s. with a space for each state's quarter.
luckily i didn't have any new ones. only ohio and connecticut. so i was able to get my soda.
in a society that's been known to have a "beanie baby craze" why would our government introduce collectable currency?
really lame collectable currency that doesn't even light up. or speak.
and i'm dreading the day in, like, 2007 when the utah quarter comes out because then everytime i'm standing in line at walmart or mcdonalds, the person in front of me will make the cashier go through all of the quarters in the register so they can add to their treasured pile of utah quarters hoarded in their dresser drawer.
and you know the utah quarter's gonna have a beehive on it.
and bees are so not cool.
not that conneticut's tree, or georgia's peach is any better.
but i'm not grading on a curve.

all i know is that in two thousand whenever, when my mother presents me with my completed quarter map, i'm totally going to...
save it.
i'll want to go to the movies.
and pull out my map at the ticket window and take the quarters out one at a time to pay for my ticket to "spiderman 57: the geriatric arachnid strikes back" because money is meant to be spent.
but i won't. i'll save it. because that quarter map will be my mother's labor of love. and more than that it will be the result of 15 years of never being sure whether or not i'll be buying a diet coke.