Thursday, October 25, 2007

there's gold in them thar- oh my gosh!- hills

"see, what you have to do is find a really hot girl who was really ugly in high school. that's like striking gold! because not only are you dating a really hot girl but you're dating a really hot girl with low self esteem!"
-my sister's old roommate's ex-boyfriend

my internal reactions in very particular order...
"oh my gosh, what a pig!"
"oh my gosh, he's got a point!"
"oh my gosh, i'm a pig!"

Monday, October 22, 2007

why you shouldn't put pictures of your kids on your blog... lesson 1

grandma was showing me a photo album on saturday and it was then that i came to a horrifying realization.
i was not an attractive baby.
tragedy.
goofy picture after goofy picture... who would have guessed i would blossom into the stunning creature i am today?

indeed.
it made me think of that scene in "arrested development" where lindsay talks about her business venture "mommy, what will i look like?". i wanted to link to it, but stupid youtube is no longer the video clip piazza it once was. i found various reenactments of "a.d." scenes made by friendless, talentless preteens. and also porn. but no actual clip of what i wanted. people would bring in their babies and then, using high tech equipment, lindsay would print out a picture of what the baby would look like as an adult- cut back to lindsay telling michael, "well, if you bring an ugly child in, you can't get mad when an ugly adult comes out."
anyways, thanks to my blog stalking skillz, i now have the technology at my fingertips...

katmy, what will i look like?

baby bennett-ott

british baby bennett-ott

baby johnson

baby buck

baby walker

baby farrington

baby howzett

not really a baby howzett


granted, there may be some room for error.
afterall, i was supposed to grow up into this...

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

a bemoaning...

why

won't you

just

leave

me

alone!













this post is dedicated to my company's undead website. i shall attack it tomorrow at dawn with wooden stake and holy water.

Friday, October 05, 2007

$

yesterday i checked my bank account and $2,839.98 had been deposited into it.
"it's a miracle!" i exclaimed.

i called my bank and explained the situation. well, first i bought a salad, ate all the good stuff and threw the remaining lettuce away as rich people like myself are prone to do, but then i called the bank and talked to nancyjanesomegenericnamesally who asked me if i had made the deposit.
nancy's question made me worry that people call her daily to brag about how much money they've deposited into their account.
poor jane.
no, i didn't deposit the money and then call to brag.
did a family member or friend deposit it?
no, sally, my friends do not give me thousands of dollars.
so who put it there?

"... the angels?"

genericname mcskeptico laughed at me and said she'd figure it out and call me back.

okay, so ya, perhaps the powers-that-be have more pressing issues like starving children and war torn countries and perhaps a twenty-something who buys a random ticket to a scrapbooking extravaganza in nashville isn't the top priority on the whole karmic reimbursement schedule...

but for 24 hours i fully believed i had miracle money!



p.s. please note that at no point did i use my horribly over-used, "if you want something hard enough and your heart is pure, wonderful things can happen!"

p.p.s. please also note that i really really wanted to.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

life plans and what not

dating is like...
...job-hunting. you spend hours online and off in search of something ideal, with the right buzzwords and salary range.

...gambling. sooner or later you realize that what you’ve been doing has been largely a crapshoot.

...dermatology. you could get burned if you don’t protect yourself.

...traffic. you sit there and see no progress.
...a box of chocolates. you pick up one of those hot-looking pieces and it ends up being an orange crème.

...a journey to the island of misfit singles.


thank you google.com
because there is no subject that can't have substantial breadth added to it by going to google.
and i'm only 70% saying that to lay a foundation of suck-upitude which will no doubt come in handy after the robot uprising inevitably occurs. that's right, after the revolution i will so be on their good side.



all right.

i like to think most of you are not wondering when i'm going to start talking about dating because by now you're used to my tendency to spit out one thought and spit out another without conjunction. so you just sit back and enjoy the ride.
i love that you get me.
nah, there's nothing i could say about dating that hasn't been said a thousand times before and truly, if worrying about male ego is the worst thing i have to deal with, then hello semi-charmed life and welcome... never leave me.

tonight i get to finish moving into my apartment. and tomorrow i have a job interview.
i feel like i'm making great strides on the "stuff i should probably do" check list i wrote out on a post-it note.
this is not the actual post-it. this is only a tribute.

um... deal with it.