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Showing posts from January, 2009

kat: based on a true story

i've come to accept that movies are exponentially better than real life. it's because of the background music. and the mantages. mantages are brilliant. i don't care what you're mantaging, you will not disappoint me. and then there are taglines. one sentence to make people want to see the movie. i love it. i want a tagline of my own to use when i introduce myself, so people will be like, "yes. awesome. i must know more." but until i figure out my own, original tagline i should probably borrow one and see how it goes over. here are some of my favorites... " kat : still the fairest of them all! " i'm just telling it like it is. just putting it out there right at the get go. you know, because maybe the person i'm talking to doesn't have eyes. that's right. i said that. " kat: nothing like it has ever been on earth before " ...powerful stuff. " kat: she was everything the west was - young, fiery, exciting! " i lik

big words

you might be interested to know that my father, the 6'4" giant of a man who kills spiders for me on a regular basis, knows a lot of big words. words like gauche, autocratic, and macabre. you might also be interested to know that my father used each of those words while talking to my brother-in-law, the tall, zoophobic iranian who is learning english by watching "while you were sleeping" with the subtitles on and wore his "proud to be a berkley mom" sweatshirt to dinner a few weeks ago. and you just might be interested to know that in each instance i left the room to laugh hysterically into a pillow.

number 600 a.k.a. atypical

in an 8 hour period i... saw a cute movie starring george michael (not the singer/songwriter) bluth which struck rather close to home at times, called a cab to take home a guy named churi because i was too scared to give him a ride home, realized i'm not a hipster nor do i want to be one if it involves awkward headwear, dark rimmed glasses, and a lack of underwear, was asked what salary bracket i fall into, cleaned up vomit, worried that i was racist, laughed a LOT at michael cera and realized nobody around me was laughing because it is not hip to laugh but it is hip to not shower and talk about how you totally saw bowie, saw a quasi celebrity (not bowie) and didn't care, saw a cartoon about "moonies", received an explanation later about what "moonies" are, stole money from my sleeping grandmother, received a bill for having my ovaries removed a procedure i do not remember having, fell into a deep, overstimulated slumber. so... typical friday night. for, yo

doogie

ever since i started harboring a secret and all consuming love for gilbert blythe , and also jack kelly , and also paul maclean , and also the volleyball scene from "top gun"... i've had a t5 list. it's gone through several incarnations- let's be honest- because that's just how life is, my friends. and securing himself a spot on the list is neil patrick harris a.k.a. doogie... Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes a.k.a. dr. horrible a.k.a. my soul mate. now i have the rotten task of deciding which of the existing members gets shoved off a cliff. some people say blogs are the "manifestation of the twitchy narcissism of my generation"... i just don't see it. 5. neil patrick harris 4. jack lemmon 3. hugh jackman 2. gene kelly 1. han solo and/or indiana jones sorry fresh prince of belair. you're out. who wants to share their t5's? you know you've got them.

part deux

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i've decided there are two different kinds of winter. there's the glitzy, hollywood winter where i sit next to a fire with hot cocoa looking like this... ... and then i run out in the fresh, beautiful whiteness and make a snow angel. somewhere between november 15th and january 2nd. that's hollywood winter. and i can get behind that. it's the second part of winter i can't handle. post-inversion. where the world seems completely enveloped in one big smog cloud. my heart seems enveloped by one big smog cloud. and i want to say i know the sun exists but i'm going purely on faith. and it's important to not roll in the snow because it is frozen and it is black. hollywood never shows that winter. the thing is, it's hard to tell when you've hit winter stage II because it kind of sneaks up on you. so here's a tip: i have found the best indicator of the true state of winter is the people. when winter stage II hits- for a lack of better phrasing- everyone

askew

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stuck in my head: "my baby don't mess around because she loves me so and this i know fo' shoh..." i might be ever so slightly behind the trends. as is my morning tradition, i was sitting on my couch watching whatever random dvd i was watching shout out to blockbuster.com what up? while i ate breakfast. and as is morning tradition, ziggy came tottering out of the bedroom, jumped on my lap and immediately fell back to sleep. for you see, my dog is not what you would call a morning canine. he tends to sleep until noon or until he is roused by my incessant calls to action and glory when he'll finally emerge- ears askew-, do his morning stretches of destiny and then fall back to sleep on the nearest lap. and as is morning tradition, i mocked his laziness and his ears which were especially askew. i mean, seriously, how does something like that happen? heheh... fool. then i finally got up off the couch, did my morning stretches of destiny and went up to my mirror to fin