Thursday, March 31, 2005

money matters

there comes a time in every blogger's life my life when they i have what can only be described as blogger's block. and really the only way to get through it is to plow ahead with complete determination to not care. to not worry about saying anything clever or witty or in complete sentences. because their my brain's competely overwhelmed with the cyclical stress that keeps on revolving in their my head like a maniacal merry-go-round it goes up and down and around and around... circular.
i wish i had an advice column. but where people would write in to give me advice. seriously. that would be really helpful.

i would now like to talk to you all about my personal finances i don't know why. i'm probably going to make a list, so get ready. i fully understand what my financial priorities should be...
1 taxes; 2 speeding ticket; 3 oil change; 4 tuition; 5 utilities; 6 compy; 7 groceries; 8 savings.
that's what i ought to be spending money on. that's what would happen if my super ego was in charge of my financial planning.
but the super ego's not in charge. hehe... the super ego's sooooo not in charge. the id is. this is the id's financial plan...
1 clothes; 2 fast food; 3 trips to boston, hawaii, arizona, montana; 4 color contacts i want blue eyes for summer; 5 my hair.

that's all i have to say.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

arizona

"educational" is not a bad thing.
i mean, and let's face it, "educational" isn't really a good thing either
i hate learning it's more like a neutral, seesaw-ish type thing.
it's like how i was making brownies last night, and i didn't have the patience to let them cook the whole way because i was hungry and chocolate cravey and figuring that gooey brownies are better anyways. and as i ate the piping hot brownie dough and got a stomach ache, i told the tv, "this is an educational experience."
and it was.
next time i make brownies tonight i'll have patience and i'll cook them for the appropriate 55 minutes and also add chocolate chips.
and they'll most likely be the best brownies ever.
because i figure these stupid educational experiences are just a stomach achey means to a really yummy end.

Friday, March 18, 2005

the nanny

things i've taught jacob that i probably shouldn't have, but i did anyway...
"we will rock you"
"won't you take me to... FUNKY TOWN!!"
"kat's gorgeous."
the mccaulay caulkin "home alone" face
"arriba arriba ay! ay! ay!"
"how YOU doin'?"

things i unintentionally taught jacob that have revealed what a huge freak i really truly am...
"eeps!"
"what's up?"
"dirty animal"
"awesome"
"totally"

i'm just relieved that he hasn't started telling "your mom" jokes yet.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

reasons

the newest additions to my list...

#127: have a soul
i read this and went through some pretty intense emotional turmoil over my icon being just like all the others.
what next?? is disney evil? how about puppies? they evil too?

i mean, am i supposed to buy a computer from him? [shudder]

#128 avoid annoyance
why is there always an annoying kid in class? why?
do they know they're the annoying kid and they just don't care? or are they cheerfully oblivious to the entire class tensing up whenever they start talking?
i'm not sure. but the thing that really scares me is that they're going to end up getting their degree. just. like. me.
and i'll probably end up working with them.
or worse, for them.

#129 low bank account
list of impulse bought items to return to walmart (a.k.a. reason #16)...
small package of assorted feathers,
one styrofoam ball, one large pink ring, one compact sized mirror, 5 wooden dowels in assorted thicknesses, one whimsical butterfly wind chime.
list of impulse bought books to return to barnes and noble that i read and now no longer want...
"indian in the cupboard" (an attempt to recapture youth), "wuthering heights" (didn't actually read it, but carried it around with me for awhile so everyone would think i'm deep), "return of the indian" (continued attempt to recapture youth).

Saturday, March 12, 2005

unadulterated idiocy

saturdays are great, what with the relaxation and the ice cream and the getting your hair done.
but no matter how zen like your saturday is there is never, ever, EVER under any circumstances EVER a reason to watch a pauly shore movie.
i am so sorry.

Monday, March 07, 2005

a vacation from my problems?

every day on my way to work, as i get ready to exit the freeway, the thought flashes through my head that maybe i should just keep driving.
every single day.
and to be perfectly candid, this has been happening since i was 19, except at that point, i had this fantasy worked out where i'd drive to some small town in the deep south, get a job as a waitress, and probably buy a sun dress and some cowboy boots... i think i'd been watching "hope floats" excessively.
there's no current fantasy that accompanies the "keep on driving" thought. it's more of a daily self evalutation. an "am i ready to start the day" kind of joke. mostly because i'm always headed north, and what am i gonna fantasize about? driving to idaho and building a house out of sage brush?
no.
anyways, friday i was driving to work, and as i got ready to exit the freeway, the thought flashed through my head that maybe i should just keep driving. and really, after like, 4 years, it's time to listen to the ever present, advice spewing, internal voice.
i called in sick to work and kept on driving, ending up in big sky, montana where i ate a lot of pastries (road trip calories don't exist), drank a lot of mountain dew (road trip caffeine doesn't exist), and watched a lot of animal planet (road trip boredom doesn't exist).

a somewhat connected remembrance: when i was 17, my family and i had many major verbal brawls. during one in particular, i decided that maybe i should just leave. because that's what teenagers do. they get their driver's license and try to escape their adolescent angst at 75 miles per hour. i stormed out to my powder blue plymouth reliant and sped off to, like, centerville, blasting bon jovi the whole way and thinking about how it was my life and how i don't want to live forever but i do want to live while i'm alive.
and also i thought about how bon jovi had better hair than i did.

i guess not much has changed. the need for this psuedo-control, and independence doesn't really go away after teenagedom. and really, why would it? responsibilities change, priorities change. control freakishness is a constant.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

mixed messages

picture this...
me walking into smiths to buy soap and a cadbury egg, and a truck zooming past me in the parking lot and then screeching to a stop and three little prepubescent boy heads popping out and one of them saying, "excuse me, ma'am?" and me looking at them and and then them howling and then zooming away.
they ma'amed me.

picture this...
me watching "the simpson's" and an older man in a red flannel shirt coming to the door to sell candy bars for his daughter and me buying one but not having $2, only having $1.75 and him saying that would be fine and that he's happily married and even if he wasn't i'm much too young for him but i'm very pretty and that's why i could have the candy bar at such a bargain price.
flannel. he was wearing flannel.

this is one of those blogs where i'm pretending to be indignant, but really i'm just relieved someone actually thought i was pretty.