Sunday, November 30, 2003

thanksgiving 2003

this thanksgiving was possibly the least dysfunctional my family has ever had. ever.
which is all well and good, but doesn't make for good story telling.
although...
my grandmother and great aunt did ask carolyn and i to teach them how to hip hop dance, which we did.
my crazy cousin did ask me to work for him at his landscaping company. heading up a team of "20 or so mexicans".
oh and he also cornered me in the kitchen at one point with a knife saying, "you know why you'll never win? because you have fear. and fear is the enemy." to which i shouted, "no! YOU are the enemy!" and slipped out and hid behind my very large father.
oh! and my other crazy cousin (my crazy cousin's brother) told me that if he ever caught me drinking beer, he'd punch my teeth out.
i told him i'd cut down.

and of course there was the endless barrage of questions about my not marriedness/barrenness/failure as a mormon womanness.

but that's old news.
i can't wait for the day they give up hope and leave me alone.

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

the thing is... it is a big deal

(a.k.a. the day that broke me)
(a.k.a. yesterday)

three facts which might prove pertinent...
#1 i'm a graphic design major and i graduate in april.
#2 my bosses asked me to design some labels for the new store they're opening in the mall.
#3 i don't know anything about graphic design.

i down play. i make myself down play. i only get stressed or frustrated as a last resort. this is why i feel i can tell people that i'm a rational human being. so, yesterday when i ran some labels to my boss in the mall and locked my keys in the car for the first time in my life, my immediate reaction was:
"it's not a big deal. just go to the information desk and get a security guard to open it."

it was 8:30 in the morning and obviously the information desk wasn't open.
"it's not a big deal. the information desk will be open by the time you're done here."

my boss looked at the labels i'd made, loved them, and wanted more. our conversation took all of 10 minutes.
"it's not a big deal. just call carolyn and have her pick you up."

my boss told me to go do the rest of the tags right then and bring them to her afterwards.
"it's not a big deal. drop carolyn off at work and borrow her car."

some back story which may prove pertinent...
#1 i only get a certain amount of pages i can print off in the design lab at school.
#2 i used all of those pages up.
#3 when i went to kinkos the night before to print the rest of the pages, they couldn't find the files.
#4 oh! and none of their computers worked.

i went on campus to see if my files were on the computer i'd used the night before. there was a class in the lab.
"it's not a big deal. use the other lab and re-do them."

there was a class in the other lab.
"it's not a big deal. find another kinkos."

not a single kinkos computer in the provo/orem valley works.
"it's not a big deal. go back to the factory, finish your shift, and figure it out later."

after work, em and liz picked me up and we ate lunch at the mall (yay!). then a nice, fatherly security guard broke into my car. things were starting to look up.

i went back to campus, found my computer, found my files, and resaved them. things were going very well. too well.

i went to kinkos and printed out my pages. they didn't look right at all. oh! and their computer was still broken.
"it's not a big deal. wink at the kinkos boy until he lets you use their behind-the-desk computer."

i did.

some adobe illustrator facts which have proved pertinent...
#1 i used illustrator 10
#2 kinkos uses illustrator 9
#3 the only difference between the two seems to be that their program was missing one font.
#4 it was the very font i used.

i couldn't re-do everything because there was no working computer. and because i'd already given my boss half of the labels.
"it's not a big deal. just call your mom and whine about it."

that went very well.

i went back to campus and tried to see if they would let me pay to print out some more pages. they didn't.
"it's not a big deal. just try and bribe the lab attendant."

i did. i really did. she was unmoving.
and i think i've gone mad.

but it's not a big deal.

Saturday, November 22, 2003

lame

tonight i saw carmen... carmen rasmusen...from "american idol".
... or at least, i saw a skinny girl with perfect blonde hair and no nose. i guess she pretty much could've been any byu co-ed.
she was sitting two rows in front of me.

it's not really a classic blog.

Monday, November 17, 2003

things that must go

*"she's not just a pretty face" by shania... in fact... shania. shania must go.
*school
*the movie "joe dirt"
*pretending to like "buffy" in order to date a certain girl
*uncle kracker

continuing on...
*marathon visits
*the "star wars" prequels (maybe george lucas should just go)
*john bytheway
*"the man show"
*mary kay salespeople

not to be out done by...
*19 year old newly marrieds dishing out dating advice.
*anyone dishing out dating advice.
*the olsen twins
*the mcgriddle (well... not so much the mcgriddle itself as the calories and fat content contained within said breakfast sandwich)
*herbal essences commercials

Thursday, November 13, 2003

a new game

all afternoon at work, we played the celebrity connection game. on person would name two random celebrities and the rest of us would try and connect them through movies. kind of a "7 degrees to kevin bacon" type game.
i'm not gonna lie to you, i'm really good at this game. intimidatingly good.
and also "7 degrees to nik.alexander" is equally fun to play, because everyone i know in real life is connected to him through dating or roomate associations.
i know i am. in two ways.
which means that all of you are too.
mwahahaha....

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

happy anniversary

dear kylily.blogspot.com,
we've been together for exactly one year today.
let's put that into "kat perspective" for everyone else out there. that's the equivalent of...
5 quasi boyfriends.
8,760 episodes of "buffy".
23 trips to salt lake and back.
7,396 references to "kitty kat", "kit kat", or"kat in the hat", or plaintive cries of "meow!".
131,400 times karaoking the song "old time rock and roll".
1,460 excruciatingly long dates, or in my case...
1,460 excruciatingly long "non dates", or to be even more precise...
151 times being asked out and 151 date cancellations.
13,578 comments about my freakish height.
5,840 talent shows in which i make a fool of myself.
4,380 dtr's.
1,397 encounters with a wall.
11,680 times watching...er, doing "taebo".
146 pioneer treks.
1,095 libido chocolates.
i love you, kylily.blogspot.com. this anniversary is very important to me... which is why i asked for a day off work... and which is why, when my boss said "no", i stole a roll of toilet paper for your gift, as paper is the one year anniversary gift. i hope you like it.
love, kat

Friday, November 07, 2003

brown nosing 101

when one works at a chocolate factory, one tends to secretly hope the owner of said factory is willy wonka-esque.
sadly, life is full of disappointments.

when the owner of the chocolate factory to which one is employed hands one a prototype labido chocolate and orders one to eat it, one does, secretly hoping it will result in one becoming a lustier version of "the hulk".
sadly, reality if full of disappointments.

in conclusion, when one has a mouth full of labido chocolate and the owner asks if it's too minty, the correct answer is anything but, "ya, but at least my breath feels fresher."
sadly, i am full of disappointments.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

it's tradition

my favorite class this semester is my "color theory" class. mostly because of the title.
but also because of my teacher who's only a few years older than me and slightly resembles eartha kitt. earlier in the semester i was talking to her before class and she described the family reunion she'd just come from. or as she liked to call it... her "traditional family rodeo".
apparently "traditional" stands for "animals not included". where most families would quit, her family proudly rodeos on. they have a calf tying event where the boys are the horses, the girls are the cowboys, and the young children are the calves.
... think about it.
and of course the big event is bull riding which could be more appropriately termed "extreme piggy back riding".
in my estimation there's no form of entertainment to match the traditional family rodeo.
none.
unless you take into account an actual rodeo.
or maybe one of my family's thanksgiving dinners. now that's entertainment.

Monday, November 03, 2003

joseph

a couple nights ago, i was laying on my couch reading a book, when who should come to my door but joseph. yay!!!
oh wait. you can't be excited until i explain who joseph is. joseph is this little 9 year old boy who wears a little tuxedo and talks like he's 37. he used to always go door to door and sell roses to earn enough money to go to gymnastics camp.
sometimes he would hang out in my apartment with my friends and me for a couple of hours and then i would remember that he wasn't one of my friends, he was a little 9 year old boy selling roses really late at night. and then i would ask him where his mom was and he would say that she was in the car waiting for him, and then i would tell him that he should probably go home.
eventually he stopped coming around. but then...
a couple of nights ago, i was laying on my couch reading a book, when who should come to my door but joseph!
yay!!!
only this time he was selling bookmarks to earn enough money to buy a banjo for the blue grass band his family's starting.
ok. i get that something weird is going on. this poor little street urchin's wandering around selling colored pieces of paper at 11 o'clock at night. but joseph is so cute. he can do flips and he just finished reading the book "shilo" and he dressed up as the cowardly lion for halloween. just because his stories kept on changing it doesn't mean anything, right?