Saturday, May 31, 2003

imaginary paradise

did i mention that "the ramos" was gonna take me to hawaii with him and his family? he had an extra ticket... or at least he did until his brother decided to take the ticket. hmph... stupid brother. no paradise for kat.
but that reminds me of when i was a little kid playing at my grandmother's house and it was all rainy and i was incredibly bored, so i decorated a corner of her living room so it resembled my 5 year old mental image of what a tropical paradise should be. then i put on my swimsuit, grabbed a towel, and layed in the corner exclaiming "my, it's so hot out here today."
maybe that's what i need to do all next week. ya. that would totally be the same as hawaii.
stupid brother.

Friday, May 30, 2003

useful

i don't know a lot. but the random tidbits that i do know have come in pretty handy this past week...

-sometimes i shouldn't say words.
-james has uncanny timing.
-big girls don't cry (even when elbowed in the nose).
-brother howlett is evil... pure evil.
-ants don't die, so you might as well name and befriend them (so far i've got rufus, treeny and todd, and li'l moe).
-my dad, the kindest person in america, deserves all the good things that come to him.
-liz on lortab is f-u-n, fun.

as you see, the information is useless to anyone who isn't me. that makes me feel special. like i have magic powers.
oh!! p.s. i love you guys!!

Thursday, May 29, 2003

a buffy break

Willow takes off her pack, reaches in and pulls out a banana.
Willow: (with resolve) I'm eating this now. (daringly) It's not lunchtime, I don't even care.
Before she can begin peeling it, Buffy and Xander walk up to her.
Buffy: Hey.
Xander: Willow, did you remember to tape Biography last Friday?
Willow: (absently) Uh-huh. (struggles with the banana)
Buffy: (to Xander, proudly) See, I told you. Old Reliable.
Xander nods and smiles. Willow is not amused.
Willow: (sourly) Oh, thanks.
Buffy: (taken aback) What?
Willow: 'Old Reliable'? Yeah, great. (reprovingly) There's a sexy nickname.
Buffy: Well, I-I didn't mean it as...
Willow: No, it's fine. I'm 'Old Reliable'.
Xander: She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals.
Willow: (disgustedly) That's Old Faithful.
Xander: Isn't that the dog that, that the guy had to shoot...
Willow: (incensed) That's Old Yeller.
Buffy: Xander, I beg you not to help me. Will, I-I didn't mean it as a bad thing. I-I think it's good to be reliable.
Willow: (stands up, annoyed) Well, maybe I don't *wanna* be reliable all the time. Maybe I'm not just some doormat person. Homework Gal.
Xander: I'm thinking nerve strike.
Willow huffs at him and starts to go, but turns back.
Willow: Maybe I'll change my look! Or cut class. You don't know.
Buffy and Xander just give her surprised looks.
Willow: (holds up her banana defiantly) And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned! (strides off)

psychocity

i've been really tired for the past week. i'm not gonna lie to you i'm afraid to feel well rested. what if i actually start remembering where i've put things? i'm going to think i'm psychic...
"man! where are my keys?... (as though receiving revelation) in my pocket... (as i reach into my pocket and pull my keys out)... HOW DID I KNOW THAT?!?!"

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

loverly

my mom and dad got engaged 28 years ago this month. they met at a single's ward activity. my dad said that he fell in love with her while they were playing "fruitbasket". they dated for 3 years, and broke up about 20 million times. my dad would sporadically take my mom for walks around the capitol building and have dtr's, and then he'd dump her... or she'd dump him... or somebody would dump somebody. and then they'd get back together.
that seems like torture to me. all of it. it's also the reason why i hate going for walks, having dtr's, and playing "do you love your neighbor" (the "fruitbasket" of our time).
the way i figure it, falling in love and having a family had better be the BEST THING EVER. otherwise it's not worth it.

Monday, May 26, 2003

e.r.

i had one of those conversations tonight where i wanted so much to make that person feel better, but i didn't know how. i hate seeing people lose hope. i hate that this particular person lost hope because of things done by people i love. i need to be more thoughtful and careful of how i treat people.
i also had a conversation today with the coolest old lady in the hospital waiting room. her name was nola, and she's a feminist/artist/nonmusician. she was wearing a pair of blue toe socks with some red flip flops. she likes to ski and rollerblade. i think she just might be my hero.

flummoxed

"it's hard for me to say anything cool, or witty, or at all. i can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then i have to go away."

sigh. it's true. especially in awkward situations. why? because i don't hide my emotions well. that reminds me of another quote...

"happy, smile. sad, frown. use the corresponding face with the corresponding emotion!!"

Thursday, May 22, 2003

just a thought

for the past week or two, i've been thinking about choices.
president hinckley said, "the course of our lives is seldom determined by great, life-altering decisions. our direction is often set by the small, day-to-day choices that chart the track on which we run. this is the substance of our lives- making choices."
for the past year i've forgotten how important it is for me to actively make choices. i'm indecisive by nature, and a lot of times i sit and wait passively to see what happens. i suppose that's in and of itself a decision, but not a good one. it's not alright. i regret so much of the past year. i regret the many, many non choices i made... and i hate regretting. when i read that quote by president hinckley, it made me remember the perspective i used to have on agency. i've been trying to put it back into practice. for the past weeks, i've been actively choosing what i do and how i do it. it's so good. i feel like i'm making the best choices with the information i'm given, and i think that's all i'm expected to do. i don't feel passive. i don't feel like a non-chooser. when i'm dealing with the consequences, good or bad, i don't regret anything.i refuse to be sorry for the choices i've made.
no matter how insignificant they might be.
or what they ended up causing.
not that every choice that i made in the past weeks has ended well. i didn't say i was a genius at being a chooser, i just said i was doing my best.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

at a loss

sigh... it's an end of an era...
i watched the series finale of "buffy" tonight. i'm not ok with it. "buffy" has been my constant in a world filled with chaos. friends come and go. classes, apartments, pets, boys, everything comes and goes, but "buffy"... well, "buffy" was my constant.
one question keeps running through my mind: "what am i supposed to do now?"
i'm depressed.
at least i still have "angel"
and "buffy: season three" on dvd.
nope. still depressed.
at least there will be repeats all summer.
and maybe a spin off?
sigh... i need some chocolate.

Monday, May 19, 2003

athletic

last night i had a dream that i was a star soccer player. it was all in the style of "bend it like becham". i was running all over, kicking like a maniac, and had actual coordination. oh! and did i mention that i had a really cute coach with an irish accent?
i woke up feeling really invigorated, until it hit me... i don't play soccer. i'm not athletic. i have the coordination of a 4 year old child. but maybe things can change. maybe i have a bunch of latent athletic potential in me somewhere. or maybe not. we were gonna play volleyball for fhe tonight, and as we walked off together mike threw a ball at me. i watched it intently as it came towards me. i admired what a perfect parabola it was making. i wondered why mike was playing with such a flat ball. then as i walked past the ball, and mike, and david h., i said, "kat doesn't catch." which i don't. my attractive, irish, dream coach made me forget. i walked past the ball, mike, david hardie, and the rest of my group, into my apartment where i am now typing to you. i did however change into an old navy t-shirt and some scroungy jeans. that's as close as i can get to making my dream a reality.
maybe i'll listen to "eye of the tiger".

Thursday, May 15, 2003

lunarific

i went and saw the lunar eclipse tonight. i'd never seen a lunar eclipse before. i was very excited. i had a lot of fun. everyone was acting freakish (including me). i blame the moon... or lack of moon... or moon with earth shadow on it.
hehehe... lunar eclipses are fun.
buffy question: what would happen to oz during a lunar eclipse?

first aid

today i want a band aid to cover the scratch on my arm. the normal band aids aren't big enough but i don't think my scratch (tang called it an "abrasion" but i don't know what that means. sounds way too serious and technical for my purposes) necessitates the use of a butterfly bandage or even worse... gauze. i found a little booklet (or would it be pamphlet?) in a first aid kit and i hoped maybe i'd find a chart telling me what size band aid to use. rather than a handy band aid chart, there's a step-by-step guide to first aid. it was all fun and games while i read about dressing wounds, and sun burns, and how you need to stay calm while you "assess the situation" since victims need psychological support. but then we moved on to third degree burns, and heat stroke, and compound fractures with bones sticking out, and cpr, and now i'm anything but calm. uggghhh... i hope i never have children because they'll inherit my clumsiness, and someday run up to me with sun stroke and compound fractures, and i won't know what to elevate or ice (wait, you never use ice, you use cool water. not cold, cool.) or put pressure on, and then i'll pass out from an over supply of fear.
i've thrown the pamphlet (booklet?) into the kitchen and taped some gauze to my arm. i look like a fool. maybe i'll tell people it's covering an "abrasion".

Monday, May 12, 2003

coping

when i was little, i had quite a few hiding places. i knew all the little bug free corners around my neighborhood. it might stem from the fact that i liked to play hide and seek, or maybe that i convinced myself that those places were mine and mine only. back to my point. i liked to hide. i like to hide. i believe that running away and hiding is a good thing. still.

Thursday, May 08, 2003

evil... pure evil

last night while i was doing an indiana jones moves under brother howlett's garage door, i just wanted to be reading my jane austen book. and when brother howlett sprayed us with a hose, i wanted to be eating cake. when i was climbing up a pile of logs and jumping over a fence, i wanted to be in bed. as we sped off in our get away car i realized that i've hit a whole new level of evil. hijinks have become a chore. an obligation. a responsibility. i must be an evil genius because last night, when liz got angry at me for switching sides, i defended myself by saying that i was trying to keep everything fair. i mean sure i'm evil, but that's no excuse for poor sportsmanship.

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

ok, emily. ok.

the other day i was browsing the candy aisle at walmart trying to find the perfect item to satisfy my chocolate craving. as i walked back and forth along the aisle, i noticed a little old man studying the candy just as intently. i realized that the little old man and i were doing the exact same thing. and that's when it hit me... i'm going to get old. i'm going to get OLD!! i'm going to be wandering around walmart trying to find a caramelo, only they won't make it anymore because i'm so OLD!!
then i started to hyperventillate.
then i grabbed two very large chocolate bars and ran.

Saturday, May 03, 2003

recap

my first entry of may. i feel like i should attempt to make it inspirational... or witty... or something. but i have nothing to tell. nothing. that's kind of sad. i've been typing this blogspot pretty steadily for more than 6 months now, and i have a sneaky suspicion that i've run out of anecdotes to tell. oh dear. this is getting ridiculous.
maybe i should just recap...
i'm kathryn.
i like dancing, "buffy the vampire slayer", flowers, chocolate, running into things (i actually don't like it but i tend to do it a lot), and summer.
i don't like bowling, being tall, people thinking i'm mean or stupid, and winter.
there you have it. and while i'm on this recapping kick, let me just say that i'm NOT insincere. i AM overly sensitive. i'm NOT immature. i AM egocentric. i'm NOT vain. i AM weird. i'm not strong or motivated or mean or thoughtless or manipulative or brave or uninhibited or audacious or abrasive.
i'm just kat.
that's all.
six months of non stop writing about myself and that's the conclusion i've come to.