Monday, August 28, 2006

self googling

the love of my life introduced me to a game.

so we're going to play it.

the rules are as follows...
rule #1: go to google.com
rule #2: type "[your name] reminds me of" into the search.
rule #3: remember to put it in quotes.
rule #4: pick the funniest phrase that comes up.
rule #5: put the phrase in the comments so i can read it.
and laugh.

kathryn reminds me of a g-rated "girls gone wild" video.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

wow. it's a schooner.

i stand before you with nothing to say.
but look! it's a magic eye!
oooo...

Thursday, August 17, 2006

bad humour

due to an abundance of joss whedon shows and james bond movies, i've gradually become an anglophile. i love the brits. i love them for their royal guards who protect the queen by not moving or talking. i love them for describing slums as "dickensian". but most of all i love them for bringing the descriptor "firthy" into common use.
or at least i used to.
for the last week i've been working on some candy labels for a company in london and it's turned into a nightmare. after sending the buyer some samples, i received an ELEVEN page outline of all the changes i need to make to our labels' ingredient portion with "notes" like "the function of calcium carbonate must be detailed; it is assumed it is as a thickener but this should be checked- see also note 3 below" and "the following categories of ingredients are covered by the new requirements, if they are present in the finished product, even in an altered form: (1)all added ingredients and components of added ingredients (this includes items in Article 6.2 of Directive 2000/13/EC that are otherwise exempt from labelling requirements (eg fresh fruit, carbonated water, fermented vinegars and all compound ingredients));...", and i spent all day yesterday trying to find the "E number" equilvalents of our food "colours"!
basically now i hate the english.
i'm an anglo-um-phobe? i think that's the antonym.

i'm not fully ready to talk about it.

let us talk instead of my new best friend aaron (not what i call him, but i've stopped writing proper names ever since google searches started bringing people from junior high school to my blog) who last night shared pizza and this gem of a video...

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

classy

i bought a locket a little while ago. i've owned several lockets throughout my consumer based life. they seem so classy. like something you'd find in grandma's jewelry box.
or on the titanic.
now, when i was 12ish i owned a mickey mouse locket. which i admit was not classy. or even cool enough to be kitschy. but if that's the geekiest thing i wore it wasn't during pre-adolescence, then brava to me i had an abundance of vests during the ages of 10-13. i don't know why. i was like a mini paula poundstone.
this most recent lockety purchase displays no disney icon of any variety which i feel already gives me an armful of fashion progress points. and this time i actually put pictures inside because lockets on the titanic most definitely had pictures in them.
i pondered for a night and a day and a night a.k.a. 5 minutes about who i wanted to carry close to my heart...


if that's not classy, then i don't know anything.

Monday, August 14, 2006

the ego has landed

yesterday, while laying on my couch watching a commercial for "jurassic park" during the enhanced version of "back to the future" i thought, "jeff goldblum! i am so in love with him!"
and my ego said, "i have no response to that." and has since been giving me the silent treatment.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

panda

every once and a while there's a day where you go to work and realize everyone's either annoying or in a really bad mood and throwing bags of candy very angrily at the wall.
and you, as always have a complete lack of anything ressembling a desire to work.
you find yourself gradually turning up the volume on your new, birthday ipod nano so "no diggity" is the only thing your brain can process.
you spend your work day goofing around on the internet and wondering if blackstreet thought they were being clever when they came up with the term "eargasm".
and let's get one thing straight. you are content to do so.
and a little bit numb.
numb due in small part to lack of sleep and lack of diet coke in the vending machine...
that's right.
you're back together with diet coke. you tried to break it off. to turn your attention to other beverages which wouldn't hurt you, but in the end... you're weak.
so very, very weak.
...but mostly due to the huge amounts of complacency running through your veins.
until your internet wanderings lead you to discover the whereabouts of some of those punk kids from high school that you probably wasted a little too much mental energy calling the avenging powers of karma upon, but hey, you were young and going through a whole lot of what i like to call adolescence.
you find out those punks are for the most part business consultants or pre med or living in a large, exciting coastal city.
which is great, because you're done with adolescence and you can wish them well and secretly hope karma takes note of your altruistic well wishing.
but it's kind of a wake up call for you. not in a "what do i want to do with my life?" kind of a way because you know what you want to do with your life. it's a wake up call in the "if those punk kids can de-punkify long enough to focus, what's stopping me?" kind of a way.
then your mind becomes a veritible zoo in direct defiance to the numbness and lack of caffeinated soda.

that's right, my friend, you have a lot to ponder.

i, on the otherhand, have only to find a way to get a pet panda bear, because look how cute...

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

flat

the scene: the side of the road. on an overcast summer's day in orem. a monday to be exact.

chivalrous delivery guy (somewhat remeniscent of him but, sadly, not as beautiful): do you need some help?
me: [crouched in front of car, holding spare tire] um... [looking at spare tire] hu... [looking at car] wow. i really don't.
c.d.g.(s.r.o.h.b.s.n.a.b.): are you sure?
me: ya.

fin


that's right. i know how to change a tire like i know how to... um... do other stuff... that i know how to do.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

answers

1.
"you're gonna need a bigger boat."
"jaws"

2.
"it's never too late to re-tune your soul."
"schultze gets the blues"

3.
"we're alike, me and cat. a couple of poor, nameless slobs."
"breakfast at tiffany's"

4.
"my density has popped me to you."

"back to the future"

5.
"jump back!"
"footloose"

6.
"once you get to know me, you'll really like me."
"i won't like you."

"what's up, doc?"

7.
"god creates dinosaurs. god destroys dinosaurs. god creates man. man destroys god. man creates dinosaurs..."
"...dinosaurs eat man. woman inherits the earth."
"jurassic park"

8.

"personality crisis, you got it while it was hot. frustration and heartache is all you got. don't you worry"
"new york doll"

9.

"she is tolerable i suppose, but she's not handsome enough to tempt me."
"pride and prejudice"

10.
"how does he do it?"
"he cheats."
"the sting"

11.
"life moves pretty fast. if you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."
"ferris bueller's day off"

12.
"what's in it for you?"
"45 minutes all to myself."
"white christmas"

13.
"well, here's to us."
"moonraker"

14.
"eye of the tiger"
"rocky III"

15.
"if someone asks you if you're a god, you say 'yes!!'"

16.
"do you want to run this ship??"
"yes."
"... well... you can't."

"serenity"

you know, this whole little movie quiz thing has made me realize that i do indeed surround myself with the right kinds of people.
i don't think i've ever been prouder of you.