Monday, December 08, 2014


last night, i had dinner with my family. afterwards, we watched "wait until dark" which i'm sure you'll agree is a fantastic movie. but even though your cinematic tastes are already in harmony with mine, i'm still going to tell you why "wait until dark" is so awesome:
  • 60's, henry mancini music. is that a harpsichord? (i would say that the harpsichord was the keytar of the 60's. and i would also say that autotune is the keytar of right now.)
(also, do you remember the lap harp? where did THAT go?)
  • audrey hepburn's hair.
  • alan arkin playing three characters or, more precisely, playing one character who plays two additional characters.
  • the complete jerk of a husband (not actually an argument for the movie being fantastic, just something i wanted to point out. seriously, he's a jerk) who doesn't run to his blind wife after she miraculously outsmarts three murderous heroin dealers. "i'm over here... come to me... hot... warm... cold... colder... warm... " ... a-hole.
  • and of course, the scene. you know the scene. it's the whole reason to watch the movie.

tangent: i saw "wait until dark" for the first time when i was 15. it was late at night in my parents' bedroom and during the scene i jumped and i screamed, which startled my dog who then bit me.

it (watching "wait until dark" yesterday. not being bitten by my dog when i was fifteen) got me thinking about all my favorite the scenes in movies. the scenes which basically become the reason for watching a movie (or at the very least become cause for shushing a room and mouthing the dialogue in perfect unison) and i feel like most of those moments have to be universal. so what i'm going to do is list some movies and you're going to think of the scene that makes you want to watch that movie.
and i'll bet that we all think of the same scene.
we don't even need to talk about it.
because we'll just know. that we're both thinking of the same scene.
our minds are perfectly synced... and it's beautiful.

ok. go!

"ferris bueller's day off"
"teen witch"
"what's up doc"
"sleepless in seattle"
"independence day"
"dr. Strangelove"
"top gun"
"pretty in pink"
"empire strikes back"
"stop! or my mom will shoot!" kidding. just wanted to remind you that it exists.

Thursday, December 04, 2014

pre-tech teen rage

when i was 15, my sister and i decided to change the outgoing message on our voicemail to something "funny." i don't remember what we changed it to, but i do remember that my mom was not amused. this led to a confrontation, which led to an argument, which led to the kind of high-pitched shrieking match that can only happen between mothers and teenage daughters.

at one point during the three party RAGE, my mom screamed something at us and then stopped mid-sentence, hit record on the phone, and said in an overly-friendly tone, "hi. we can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave us a message we'll call you back. thanks!" and then slammed the phone down and continued on with her rage thought.

it was something a crazy person (or a mother of teenage daughters) would do.

it was terrifying.

i feel i need to make it clear that this is not a judgment of my wonderful mom. she had multiple teens. she was at war. nor is it an accurate representation of what our family life was like. i bring it up because it is an ugly family moment that's engrained in my mind. and the reason it's engrained in my mind is because, almost 20 years later, my parents still have the same, ridiculous, outgoing voicemail message.

and so, for the last 20 years, whenever my parents don't answer the phone and the voicemail starts, i quickly hang up.

and i literally haven't left a message on my parents answering machine for 20 years because i can't make it to the beep.

i thought about that today, when i called my parents' house three times in a row without leaving a message and my dad called me back all concerned because he thought i was possibly dying.

also, how does my dad not have texting?