Wednesday, July 28, 2004

7 years in the making

in order to regain a shred of the independence i lost by getting voice mail on my cell phone, i went to a movie by myself for the first time EVER.

let me be candid.
none of the following reasons are why i went...
  • i was bored
  • i have a theory that mac's have monopolized the cinematic product placement niche and i wanted to see what a futuristic mac owned world is like (important to note: even with complete robot domination, it isn't half bad)
  • my roomate's been unconscious on my couch for over 48 hours
  • the beautiful will smith
  • the equally beautiful audi.

when i was 15 i made a long list of things i wanted to do before i died. a really long list. one of the inconsequential things on it was going to a movie by myself. i don't really know why it was on the list or why that particular item has stayed with me through the years. maybe because such an insignificant action seemed to represent the first step in becoming the self sufficient, unabashed person i so wanted to become. not to say that now i'm in anyway ready to take that backpacking trip through europe, or learn that second language but as restless as i've been lately, it was kind of a relief to easily do something i never EVER could have done when i was 15.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004


there are 3 very specific things making me angry right now but i don't have the energy to deal with them in an assertive way. instead i'll deflect my anger towards several inconsequential items...

  • mace's "welcome back" song. mace, you are NOT welcomed back.
  • actors with 3 names, or to be more precise, actors who aren't able to act three names worth (referring mostly to jennifer love hewitt)
  • provo housing not letting me buy a puppy when i would so prefer a puppy to roomates.
  • "finding nemo"
  • vh1's constant listing... "100 craziest rock & roll moments", "500 hottest hotties", "hollywood rock bodies", "300 people you don't know", "50 sexiest vagrants", "70 hottest celebrities addicted to crack", etc.

i feel much better now.

don't you feel better?

i feel better.

Monday, July 19, 2004

i'll be home for julymas, if only in my dreams

as many of you know, yesterday was deemed "julymas", a joyous time of feasting and merriment. it's my belief that every winter holiday should be re-celebrated during the summer when i'm in a better mood.
a much better mood.
the kind of really good mood where i call a thunder & lighting downpour a julymas miracle and start humming "i'm dreaming of a wet julymas" while i do the dishes.

this morning i woke up with what can only be described as the julymas hangover of DEATH!!
being yanked into a jarringly painful, blurry visioned consciousness at 7:30 by guns and rose's "welcome to the jungle" can only be described as terrifying and somewhat surreal.
the most unlucky thing of all is that i'm on this whole "i don't take excedrin anymore because i'm pretty sure it's been eating away at my stomach lining" kick.
to compromise, i didn't go into work until 10am, and on my way decided to locate the biggest mountain dew i could. i walked into a gas station and was confronted by "out of order" signs every where i turned.
again, terrifying and surreal.
i ended up buying a 32 oz cup of flat, un-iced mountain dew.
easily the best purchase i've ever made.
i'm not quite sure what's in caffeine, but i'm pretty sure that without it... my head would cave in.

to conclude, i now sit at my desk in a stupor trying to make sense of sales rep dave soft shoeing in and out of my office.
... you guessed it. terrifying and surreal.

i wouldn't be surprised at all if i was still asleep and this was all one big turkey inspired dream.
affectionately yours,
p.s. why do i suddenly have a high tech, color/font changey blog set up? seriously, am i still asleep?

Thursday, July 15, 2004

when good people blog angry

i almost threw someone out of my apartment yesterday.
for telling my roommate to grow out her hair.
in an expectant tone.
as though she should run out and buy some hormone pills or steroids or something to instantly produce 14 inches of hair growth.

who does he think he is? giving bad fashion advice on MY turf! 5 minutes after he tried to convince us the woman combover is sexy!! telling me that a metrosexual trumps the straight roommate??

i have some news for you mr. metrosexual...
#1 when em's 15 year old, deaf brother said her haircut made her look like a boy, i took a crash course in a.s.l. and promptly told him to "shove it". do you think YOU can get away with the same thing?
#2 long hair, short hair, no hair- em's hot. point THAT out.
#3 don't ever try and trump me. in my apartment, the only thing that trumps a straight roommate, is a queen.

Thursday, July 08, 2004

"if you think i'm tall, you should see my dad!"

yesterday i got a job. another one. a third one. a really nice one.

were they amazed by my resume?
no. i didn't bring one.

were they impressed by my references??
no. unless being a babysitter for the howlett's is impressive.

were they blown away by my portfolio?!?
no. they didn't see one.

but they did think my replies to their "wow... you're really tall" comments were funny.
and they thought it was really cool that i'd brought chocolate truffles in for them.
and my outfit was really cute.

... did you guys ever see "working girl"?
at the end of the movie, melanie griffith has her fancy new job, and fancy new office, and fancy new harrison ford. she puts her feet up on her new desk and calls joan cusack who rejoices on her behalf.
the end.
roll credits.
which now drives me crazy because melanie griffith has just spent the past two hours of my life posing as some executive, and ya, she did it for the greater good, but now she's an actual executive.
what the heck is she going to do now? she doesn't have a college degree. she doesn't have any experience. she doesn't have a resume, or a reference, or a portfolio. she's still posing.
what happened to the "working girl" when she actually started working?

and more importantly, how can i get myself a harrison ford?

Thursday, July 01, 2004

i only know my parents

all my working life i've been told that when it comes to getting a job it's not "what you know, but who you know" which i decided this week is catagorically untrue because you have to impress these supposed connections enough to want to hire you.

all i can say is, it's a good thing the internet mogel guy i met on monday loves homestarrunner... because that's all i know.