Wednesday, June 09, 2010

avocado

this is ziggy...



i have this theory. that ziggy...
is a dog.

i've been basing my whole relationship with ziggy off of this canine assumption. i take him on walks, feed him dog food, put him in dog training class so that after 6 months of class i can go through this process...

"sit, ziggy."



"ziggy. hey. ziggy."



"sit."



"no. ziggy. i said, 'sit.' are you listening to me?"



"sigh... fine."



"stand there... good boy."

as i was saying, i've been assuming for the last few years that ziggy's a dog but a neighborhood tomcat has openly decided to challenge my ruling. i don't have a picture of the cat but he is huge and beautiful and in love with ziggy.
i know it's love because of the late night "mreeeooooowwww"ing outside the window and the gifts left on our doorstep (dead mouse, dead sparrow) and the general always aroundyness of the tomcat. there is something very real going on and i don't know how to break it to ziggy's boyfriend that ziggy is probably a dog.


you know how an avocado is technically a fruit and we all know it and we've seen the proof but still, when it comes down to it, we consider it a vegetable?
ya, ziggy is an avocado.

Friday, June 04, 2010

weave, seek, help: too tall for vegas

this post is dedicated to all the "of all"s i have swarming through my head on a daily/nightly/not-really-nightly basis.

the first of all is, did you guys watch "community" this season? because it is hilarious. by far my favorite new show because it involves "ghosting," wanting to "can't be me love" a.k.a. "love don't cost a thing" a person, a paintball apocalypse, and an argument that ended with the line, "for the record, there was an episode of 'happy days' where a guy literally jumped over a shark! and it was the best one!"
i want to marry chevy chase, hang out on the "community" set, befriend the guy who plays "abed" and force him to always be in character and answer to the name abed. it is a four-step plan.
a weird, bordering on psychotic, four-step plan.


second of all, it is impossible to debate a political issue with someone whose main rebuttal is, "well, i don't believe that's true." ...yet i persist.
a closely related third of all, saying you agree with glen beck on everything and to the same degree is not something you say with pride. you should say it with downcast eyes and shrugged shoulders. you should say it in the same tone i use when i admit how much i love the show "my lovely sam-soon" (don't worry, i'll explain when i get to fourth of all). third of all, part b, using scriptures to prove a political point makes you look crazy. god wants me to own guns?

fourth of all, i'm totally addicted to this korean show called "my lovely sam-soon." my love for it is inexplicable but very, very real. the main character is apparently a fat and frumpy spinster. this is what she looks like...

what's that? which one is she? well obviously she's the one holding the cake. frumpy! i feel i need to point out that the guy with the flower in his mouth is sam-soon's love interest but he has yet to eat flowers during the show. the other guy is my future husband.
fourth of all, part rant, you know, i've always heard that truly interesting people don't watch tv because it's a waste of time and instead of watching fictional people do interesting things, we should all be out doing interesting things ourselves... pfft, whatever, i love television. besides, have you ever talked to a person who doesn't ever watch tv? because i have and they're not that interesting. last year was especially bountiful- it was the year i found "freaks and geeks" (thanks, revamped79), "west wing" (thanks, mom), and "battlestar galactica" (thanks, all you people who had a tinge of shame in your voice when you let it slip that you were skipping out of work early to catch the season premiere)- but i'm having good luck this year as well. did you know that "m*a*s*h" is actually really funny?

fifth of all, i mentioned last blog that both my hotmail and facebook accounts were hacked last week. it was very annoying to go through the process of dehacking everything however, once i got back into everything i was totally amused at how lame the hacker's evil plan was. hacker changed my facebook status to "i'm back." that's a very mild brand of evil. i mean, come on, hacker! you can do better than that. hacker also sent out the following email to all my hotmail contacts (sadly, hacker put all the addresses in wrong so only, like, three people received this)...

"It is with deep sorrow and broken heart that am sending you this mail. Am in deep need and my situation is lamentable. my family and I decide to come visit Wales,United Kingdom for a short vacation. To our greatest dismay we were attacked and ripped apart at the park of the hotel where we were lodging,all cash,credit cards and mobiles were forcefully robbed off us at gun point but we still have our passports with us.

"We've seek help at embassy and high commission,the Police too, unfortunately they have been unable to help or offer any reasonable support whatsoever. Our flight leaves in couple of hour from now but we are being held to ransom by the hotel management because we cannot settle the hotel bills. It is clear we would not be allowed to leave until we do so. Word cannot explain the anguish in my heart now. I am in need of immediate assistance."
yep. sounds just like me. fifth of all sidenote: if you say the phrase, "we've seek help" enough times it starts to sound like a mantra. "weave... seek... help." i'm thinking of making that the working title of my memoirs. but if i do that, i'm going to have to invest in a loom.

sixth of all, i spent memorial day weekend (is it supposed to be "memorial day weekend" or "memorial weekend?" i want to know.) in vegas with two of my favorite ladies. i've never spent any non-stopover time in vegas before so this was pretty exciting for me what with the shows and the food and the shopping and the dancing and the actual, not messing around with you sunshine. that's right, utah. sunshine! here's the thing, though. i am too tall for vegas (alternate working title for my memoirs). there were comments, there were stares, there was full on grabbing me by my shoulders and saying, "you're sooo tall!" and when we went dancing, the five other tall people and i were like meerkats.

it reminded me of how my family and i never worried about losing each other in crowds.

it's a thing.