Sometimes I stare at my profile pic on social media or on a dating app and I think, “Should I update this? sigh... probably. Cuz my hair’s longer. And also I’ve lost weight... Well, that is, if souls weigh anything, then I’ve totally lost weight.”
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Astronomy
I just glanced at the sky and thought, “Oh, wow! It’s a full moon!” And then after a five-second pause I thought, “Wait. That’s not right. It’s still daytime.” And then after another five-second pause, “That’s the sun.” So there goes my career in astrology. Wait. That’s not right.
Ego Check
Sometimes, to keep my ego in check, I look at my sixth grade picture. Look at her sweet, little face. I don’t know why I wore so many vests. Nobody else was wearing them. Just me, Chandler Bing, and Paula Poundstone.