Monday, July 28, 2008

julymas

dear friends both real and imaginary,

how are you?
good? good.

so... blogging.
all right, i'm going to make a statement about blogging that i'm assuming rings true for everyone. or at least i hope rings true. which is why i shall boldly speak in second person.
after a year, or maybe even a few months, of consistent blogging, your reactions to life's little situations change. everything becomes fodder for a good blog anecdote. you're quicker to laugh at yourself and roll your eyes because it's easier to see things from the omniscient story teller's point of view.
and that's great.
but then, down the line, you change even more. during conversations you start picking out the blog worthy lines. you go on dates looking for things to mock later. you contemplate taking a tape recorder with you to family thanksgiving dinners.
and then. down the line, you're cooking dinner and you puncture your finger and blood splatters EVERYWHERE and you howl and elevate your arm and think "i should take a picture of the blood splattered kitchen to put on my blog!"
and that is what they in the AA program call hitting rock bottom.

julymas 2008.
i have never made an entire julymas dinner myself and i'm proud to say that as of yesterday i still have not made an entire julymas dinner myself.
because that would be hard.
as happens with any of my worthwhile endeavors, i instigated the cooking, forced people to refer to the julymas turkey as "henry" and then was quickly shoved out of the way by people who know how to cook and are not inept and don't perforate their fingers with cans of cream of mushroom soup splattering blood EVERYWHERE in the process.
ahem, hypothetically.

and that's really all i have to say.


later,
kat

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

wave to the elephants!

for some ungodly reason, there was a tour of the chocolate factory today. it has never happened before and in fact should never happen because tours of an actual chocolate factory are disenchanting. not an oompa loompah to be seen. no experimental products which go against the very laws of nature.
and for goodness sake, why am i part of the tour?

"if you look to your left you'll see katasaurus rex. her diet consists of diet coke and sarcasm..."
he... just kidding.
it was more like, "this is our graphic designer kat. hey kat! what are you doing?"
i looked up from my computer, momentarily stopped slurping my diet coke and said, "playing scramble."

that's right folks, move it along.
looks like it's about time for her feeding.

Friday, July 18, 2008

welcome to the future. aint it grand.

at exactly 14:52 i clicked "upload", stood up in my office and announced that i was finished with 2008.

and so i am.

so long suckers, cuz i'm done. i'm onto 2009 now!
can't wait until you all catch up with me. although by the time you get to 2009, i'll be way ahead of you. i'll be so comfortable in 2010 that i will probably be calling it "twenty-ten" and since i'm so ahead of the game, it won't even be annoying!

deal with it.

and merry christmas.

Monday, July 14, 2008

good news!

i didn't have to cancel my dead grandfather's milk delivery after all.
the price increase was rescinded.


i hate when i write a three sentence blog because i think it sounds funny and then right before i hit publish i realize there are serious clarifications to be made about how my grandfather died in 1976 and, come on, how callous a person do you think i am that i would announce a recent death in that way- wait, don't answer that. so then my whole dream of writing a short, light "blogette" goes down the drain because i'm not only in ramble mode, but in defensive mode because apparently everyone thinks i'm a jerk.

Monday, July 07, 2008

absentee

it's a well documented fact that i have scores of imaginary friends. not like, hallucinations or anything, just lots of people whom i encounter and then build an imagined relationship with.
i'm a socially awkward extrovert.
it's how i cope.

last night, i became friends with kevin the incense king. i know of his royal lineage because it's written on the side of his car.
next to his bumper sticker that says, "real men love jesus".
anyways, kevin the incense king lives in my apartment complex with his 3 sons who are always running around outside torturing each other. the other day i came out of my apartment and one of the sons sat dejectedly on the stairs. ziggy took the initiative and trotted over to lick him. "you must taste good", i said in a very non-creepy way (i swear). the incense prince looked up at me and said, "i just ate some cookies."
"oh, that explains it."
then a second prince came over and said, "i ate bacon this morning!"
"hu. be careful then because ziggy might try and eat you."
okay, ya, i admit it. that was creepy. (socially awkward extrovert.)

so last night, the incense king decided we were friends and gave me and ziggy a bag of incense. i will never know for certain, but i assume it smells quite good.

and now i'm friends with a king.
which i bet gives me diplomatic immunity somehow.


new topic.
i have the "compare people" application on facebook. two pictures of friends pop up with a question like, "who is more likely to bring about world peace?" and it's fun and great and remeniscent of every note i passed in junior high.
but.
every week i get emailed updates of my "strengths and weaknesses" from this very scientific process. and, you know what? fine. nobody i know thinks i'm "tough" or "studious". fine. whatever.
fine.
but how is "most absentee" a strength?
and what does that even mean?
that i'm not sitting in my friends houses when they come home at night? that i'm not secretly living in their closets? that i'm not popping around corners going "here i am!"?
or maybe that i'm absent from class? i graduated! i don't have to go to class anymore!
okay. most likely it means i don't show up to things, right? but i don't get invited to anything so how can people point out that i'm not somewhere where i wasn't asked to be in the first place?

let's move on.
this has nothing to do with anything.
but i felt spliz's photography prowress needed some publicity.
thanks for taking all the website product photos!
you truly have a gift...