Thursday, February 27, 2003


i've been sick for the past week, but apparently not as sick as i look. random strangers have asked me if i'm ok. an old lady gave me kleenex. our maintenance man told me i looked horrible and should go back to bed. so today i am sitting in the computer lab on byu campus with way too much make up on and lunatic hair. this way, if random people ask me if i'm ok, it won't be because i look sick but because i look like a freak. it's good to have things back to normal.

Tuesday, February 18, 2003


my mom and dad are going through what the understaters of the world would call a "rough time". in my lame attempt to make things better i called them on valentine's day while i was running errands like a mad woman. i tried to talk to my dad, but for the past month every time i talk to him he disappears while i'm midsentence and hands the phone to my mom. not that i blame him, my anecdotes are hard to sit through. the most pathetic part of all is that every time i hang up the phone, i feel guilty. my parents are going crazy and i'm running around provo playing, and watching movies, and focusing entirely on myself. i guess you could say that i feel bad for not feeling bad enough. do you see what i mean? pathetic.
i know that a lot of my problem is simply me not dealing. whenever stuff like this happens i try and ignore it, not care about it, and wait patiently for it to go away. but then that apathy spreads into all aspects of my life. i stop caring about classes, and my calling, and my friends, and just wander around aimlessly trying not to think about anything. i don't want to be apathetic and out of control. that's how i felt all last semester, and i don't want to go there again.
for the love.
i am so the crazy one in the family.

short, yet colorful resume

the way i see it, i am a genius at exactly 2 things...
#1 quoting adam sandler movies, and
#2 procrastinating.
if you ever want to rationalize your way out of doing something- be it homework or errands- come to me and i will help you. i suppose this makes me more of an evil genius. hmmm...

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

valentine's day

here are the top 10 reasons why i LOVE valentine's day...
10. cinnamon bears
9. valentines with a picture of a train saying, "please choo-choo-choose me"
8. the opportunity to show off my uncanny ability to draw really symmetrical hearts
7. heart shaped, dark chocolate dove promises
6. the general acceptance of me watching corny romantic comedies.
5. the complete ensconcing of the world in red and pink.
4. seeing everyone separate into one of three groups: #1 the gushy "in love" couples, #2 the joy filled, general love effusing type, and #3 the "i'm alone and dwelling in my bitterness" type. all three are delightful in their own way.
3. hearing 80's love songs like "in your eyes" and "lady in red" which remind me of my 8th grade valentine's dance (where i got to slow dance with john, jeff, AND andrew)
2. this
1. RED HOTS!!!!

Sunday, February 09, 2003

the good, the bad, the ugly

my hair is terrifying today. i look like farah fawcett, or maybe even tina turner (which reminds me, what DOES love have to do with it?).
maybe, like lassie, my hair is trying to tell me something. did vidal sassoon fall down a well?
maybe, like mr. miagi, my hair is trying to guide me. is it telling me to bring van halen back together? or to listen to my inner groupie? i just can't tell.
can someone find me a hat? please?!

Saturday, February 08, 2003

goal of the week

i think my mom and i are at the point now where there's mutual sharing, which is a really great thing. i love being close to my mom. but there's this little part of me that worries that this is the beginning of the end. first my parents will confide in me, then they'll start treating me like an adult (which basically means they'll stop giving me money), then they'll start having me come over because they can't figure out how to program the vcr, and then the next thing you know i'm driving them to walmart every friday afternoon and buying them a sensible lunch at hometown buffet.
oh gosh.
although... hometown buffet has all the chocolate milk you can drink.
i really do hate walmart though.
basically, i just don't want my parents to get older.
and i don't want to get older either.

inspirational quote

"i don't worry too much about the future, and i don't worry very much about the past. the past is gone, and you can't change, you can't correct it. the future, you can anticipate, but you can't necessarily do very much about it. it is the present you have to deal with. reach out for every good opportunity to do what you ought to do." (gordon b. hinckley, "stand a little taller")
i wish i could remember that. the past is full of mistakes, the future seems terrifying, and the combination of the two can be completely overwhelming. but i have control over this moment and so the present is pretty good.

Friday, February 07, 2003

alma mater

i just came across this. my old high school is getting ready for the sadie hawkins dance. hehehe. when i was a senior in high school, my friends coerced me into asking brandon to sadie hawkins. i did not want to go because high school dances aren't fun. but i got caught up in the excitement of the asking and the shopping and the getting ready. so ya, i ended up taking brandon to sadie's. my justification in caving to my friends' demands were two fold: #1 brandon's from new zealand so i would be experiencing another culture and #2 the fact that he had his ears pierced would drive my mom crazy.
turns out the kid was drunk the whole night. super. so i guess in a way, i did have a cultural experience. we went to hard rock cafe (he was acting very suspicious), and had a video scavenger hunt (he went into a porno shop). then we went to the dance (he tried to get freaky, so i spent the rest of the evening shunning him and dancing with my best friend's date, since she was sitting in the bathroom with a 103 degree temperature) and then we watched videos (i think he fell asleep in a corner). finally, my evening of torture was over. i took him home, and then right before he went in, he said, "oh wait! i have something for you! hold out your hand." this i did. then he pulled all the stuff he'd stolen from hard rock out of his pockets. knives, forks, cups, ash trays, etc. i stood there holding all this and was suddenly furious at myself for wasting an evening of my life with a drunk, porno loving, kleptomaniac. i wanted my seven hours back. being the nice young girl that i was, i put his silverware in his mailbox, and drove away.

Thursday, February 06, 2003


a poem by shel silverstein

"i cannot go to school today,"
said little peggy ann mckay.
"i have the measles and the mumps,
a gash, a rash and purple bumps.
my mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
i'm going blind in my right eye.
my tonsils are as big as rocks,
i've counted sixteen chicken pox
and there's one more- that's seventeen,
and don't you think my face looks green?
my leg is cut, my eyes are blue-
it might be instamatic flu.
i cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
i'm sure that my left leg is broke-
my hip hurts when i move my chin,
my belly button's caving in.
my back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
my 'pendix pains each time it rains.
my nose is cold, my toes are numb,
i have a sliver in my thumb.
my neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
i hardly whisper when i speak.
my tongue is filling up my mouth,
i think my hair is falling out.
my elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
my temperature is one-o-eight.
my brain is shrunk, i cannot hear,
there is a hole inside my ear.
i have a hangnail, and my heart is- what?
what's that? what's that you say?
you say today is... saturday?
g'bye, i'm going ot to play.

... if i did they'd have a samurai

saw this tonight.
you might not know that this was originally made as one continuous movie. however kurosawa didn't think it was profound enough which is why he changed the format to the 8 vignettes. i told him i was against it but as we all know akira kurosawa surrounds himself with yes-men and so whatever he says, goes.

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

disney world

i got a letter from an old high school friend where he gave me a list of the things he wants his future wife have:, 2.mentality, 3.perspective, 4.maturity, and 5.potential.
if i ever have a husband hunt, i think i will take an approach more comparable to "mary poppins". i'll simply write up a list of characteristics i want my future husband to have. the list will look something like this:
"if you want this choice position...
1. have a cheery disposition, rosey cheeks, and no warts
2. play games (all sorts)
3. you must be kind
4. you must be witty
5. very sweet
6. fairly pretty
7. take me on outings
8. give me treats
9. sing songs
10.bring sweets."
then i will give the list to my father who will look at it disapprovingly since it lacks the discipline he thinks i need. the moment i leave the room, he will tear up my list and throw it in our fireplace where it will magically float up towards... well, you get the picture.

Monday, February 03, 2003

heard it thru the grapevine

i'm starting to think that my college experience, is...well...different from everyone else's.
outwardly it's similar to any other college experience, at times i go to classes, i always screw up at dating, and i shirk all responsibility. but at other times it seems like i'm living in a very small town. a town consisting of 200 people all living within three buildings. a small, three building town with a HUGE grapevine.
and i'm not even interesting.
on word... help.