nutz

my mom and dad are going through what the understaters of the world would call a "rough time". in my lame attempt to make things better i called them on valentine's day while i was running errands like a mad woman. i tried to talk to my dad, but for the past month every time i talk to him he disappears while i'm midsentence and hands the phone to my mom. not that i blame him, my anecdotes are hard to sit through. the most pathetic part of all is that every time i hang up the phone, i feel guilty. my parents are going crazy and i'm running around provo playing, and watching movies, and focusing entirely on myself. i guess you could say that i feel bad for not feeling bad enough. do you see what i mean? pathetic.
i know that a lot of my problem is simply me not dealing. whenever stuff like this happens i try and ignore it, not care about it, and wait patiently for it to go away. but then that apathy spreads into all aspects of my life. i stop caring about classes, and my calling, and my friends, and just wander around aimlessly trying not to think about anything. i don't want to be apathetic and out of control. that's how i felt all last semester, and i don't want to go there again.
for the love.
i am so the crazy one in the family.