Thursday, June 30, 2005


saw "war of the worlds" last night and left the theater happy to have seen a well made version of an "oh crap aliens are killing everybody let's run" movie.
that's what it had promised to be, and that's all i really wanted.

i like movies where the earth is going to be destroyed by aliens/meteors/the earth's inner core freezing/godzilla(ok, maybe not godzilla)/a giant volcano/etc because i feel like i'm being prepared for the real deal.
bring it.

first of all, in case of a real life "oh crap aliens are killing everybody let's run" event... i'm staying far away from the u.s. army, cuz they'll definitely be the first thing to go down. and new york will be the second.
and in the face of real devastation, i'm going to strategically rip my shirt and find either the most eccentric scientist i know, or the best looking guy with undiscovered potential** (or if i'm really aching to live, the aging scientologist* with a fetish for young, taller-than-him brunettes) because then i'll have a pretty good chance of survival.
and if i can't find one of them, then i'll find some adorably scrappy, emotionally distant children.
or an adorably scrappy, emotionally distant ex husband.

it's just common sense.

*speaking of tom, in my continued efforts towards tolerance, i spent upwards of 10 minutes online trying to figure out what scientology is, why there isn't any actual science involved, and why celebrities would rather believe in aliens, than god.

and speaking of hell freezing over, i got a raise today. when i get home i plan to jump about yelling "yippee" in manner of the annoying little boy in "swiss family robinson".

Tuesday, June 28, 2005


today was a sad day in my life.

today i realized that i now prefer diet coke to mountain dew.
i mean, and i knew this day would come. i've been working towards this for awhile, and i thought i wanted it, i really did.
no more sugary sodas, that was my goal.

but i can remember buying my first can of mountain dew from the high school vending machine when i was 14 years old. granted, mostly because it correlated with meeting one of my best friends and also, because my mom thinks caffeine and "the simpsons" are evil so rebelling against her has always been memorable.

i feel so petty, because it's not like i love diet coke, it's more just that i've grown accustomed to its taste.
it almost makes the day begin.
i've grown accustomed to the tune is whistles night and noon. it's joys, it's frowns, it's ups, it's downs are second nature to me now. like breathing out and breathing in.
i was serenely independent and content before we met.
surely i can always be that way again... and yet... i've grown accustomed to the trace of something in the air.
accustomed to its... taste.


Friday, June 24, 2005


i'm pretty good at those "word power" quizzes in reader's digest, the utah grid system makes perfect sense to me, i can count to 84 leaving out all the multiples of 7 and numbers with a 7 in them, and i'm really good at "cranium".
which is why i feel like i can tell people that i'm smart.
not freaky intelligent. just smart.
when i'm sleep deprived? ya, it all goes away. all of it. the vocabulary, the numbers, the ability to cope in the real world... gone.
and suddenly eating curry four meals in a row seems valid.
taking an hour to find american fork seems valid.
watching "the 'burbs" seems valid.

and all the well rested people of the world seem... well... psychic.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

birth day

happy birthday li'l rambo.
or brand new michael ott.
either way.

and congratulations liz and chris.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

twinkle, twinkle little bat

ya, having been on the receiving end of it, i definitely feel guilty for liking some people better when they're not around. my stupid head idealizes people. and then i hang out with them and think, "'re better in my head."
that can't be healthy, right? preferring the imaginary version of people seems kind of mad hatterish and warped. but there it is.

i had this one junior high friend who, when we went to college, became a letter friend. after 3 years of emails and letters and presenting each other with the very best, very funniest versions of ourselves, hanging out was a huge let down.
for them.
that's the sad part.
they were just as funny and interesting in real life. and i was not. as hard as i tried i could never get them to stop thinking, "hu... you're better in my head."
i'm still kind of mad about it.

and mad that i do the same thing to other people.

a very, merry unbirthday to you.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005


yesterday i turned on the radio and weezer's "sweater song" came on... or so i thought.
after 20 seconds of gleeful singing at the top of my lungs...
"if you want to deeestroy my sweater woh-oo-woh-oo-wOh pull this thread as i walk away as i walk awaeeay!..."
i realized that, hey, this isn't the sweater song, it's "beverly hills". my beloved "sweater song" has been dressed up in 2005 trendyness, sold it's soul, had it's heart ripped out, and has been passed off as a new weezer hit.
apparently weezer, having run the full spectrum of possible hit songs, has decided to start from the beginning.
if they tear apart the "buddy holly" song, i'm totally taking them off the favorite music portion of my profile.


Tuesday, June 14, 2005

good form must never suffer from neglect

not all chick flicks are bad movies.
not all bad movies are chick flicks.
not all chicks will like "ella enchanted" and "bed of roses" just because they're chicks and chicks love stuff like that.

that soapbox stated... the bestest, chickiest, chick flick EVER is "the slipper and the rose".
the abundance of powdered wigs and the somewhat effeminate prince charming (richard chamberlain) might scare the men- the same way "pride and prejudice" and "steel magnolias" does- but the chickies find it delightful. and once you take the senile queen mother and the song "protocoligorically correct" into account it blows all other cinderella based movies away (not to belittle disney, or rogers and hammerstein, or even "if the shoe fits" starring rob lowe and jennifer grey (post "dirty dancing", pre nose job) who plays a struggling shoe designer with magical shoes that transform her into a super model, although as far as i could tell she just had slicked back hair).

Sunday, June 12, 2005

dr. pepper

i hate that face people make when they think i'm being offputting because i'm getting really excited about something they've never heard of.
some of you are probably making it right now.
people give me that face a lot when i start talking about how much i love that one dr. pepper commercial with the guy who goes to yoga class with his girlfriend, and buys her tampons, but when she tries to take a sip of his soda, he runs out the door and into the night. and meatloaf's song "i would do anything for love" is playing in the background.
and i love it!
for months i've loved that commercial. my roomates and i would refuse to channel surf during commercial breaks because we didn't want to miss it.
it finally answers the "won't do what?" question that i've shouted at my radio for the past decade or so.
"you'll do anything for love, but you won't do that?... won't do what?... won't do what??? you're killing me meatloaf! you're killing me with this overly dramatic, nonsensically instrumental, freak hit of yours! gaaaa!!!"
and finally dr. pepper has answered the question for me. it's put my mind at rest. meatloaf will do anything for love, except share his caffeinated, prune flavored soda.
that's all i needed to know.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

facts of life

last night i dreamt that kim fields was making fun of my outfit.
never again will i wear argyle socks to bed.

Friday, June 10, 2005

i'll have what she's having

being a huge cinema buff, i have the luxury of being able to connect every aspect and thought of my life to some sort of movie quote. it takes the pressure off of having to produce original thoughts and conversation...

sally: look, there is no point in my going out with someone i might really like if i met him at the right time but who right now has no chance of being anything to me but a transitional man.

marie: okay, okay. but don't wait too long. do you remember david warsaw? his wife left him, and everyone said, give him some time, don't move in too fast, and six months later he was dead.

sally: what are you saying? i should marry someone right away in case he's about to die?

alice: at least you can say you were married.

marie: i'm saying the right man for you might be out there right now and if you don't grab him, someone else will and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that someone else is married to your husband.*

*this is one of my favorite parts of "when harry met sally" after the sally: "and i'm going to be forty!" harry: "when?" sally: "some day." harry: "in 8 years!" scene** and it's also eerily similar to the dinner conversation i have with my mother and grandmother.

**and, of course, the resturant scene.

**it's also eerily similar to the dinner conversation i have with my mother and grandmother.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

i just made you say underwear

if maturity means...
*not piling up bean bag chairs and jumping into them,
*not giggling at the word "duty" in church hymns,
*not head banging to "bohemian rhapsody" in the car
...then i want no part of it.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005


there are a few, somewhat ambiguous ideas i choose to believe in... just cuz. they've become laws to me. truths. that i hold to be self evident.

like karma. i'm a big believer in the "what goes around comes around" way of thinking.
survival of the fittest. i believe in that,
and opportunity cost,
and in the deepest place of my heart, i very strongly believe in the "if the teacher's 20 minutes late to class, you can leave" rule.
i firmly believe in occam's razor,
and game theory,
and a little part of me believes in the force.

it's the way i operate. and the way i expect others to operate. i guess i try to tweak what happens in the "real world" so it abides by my truths. without them i'd probably fall into personal anarchy. or worse, i'd be sadly unopinionated.
thus, i give a mental standing ovation to anyone who subscribes to randomness, be it the idea of synergy, or the law of averages, or serendipity, or the 1-2-3 not it rule...
or brava.