Monday, October 19, 2015

jury duty

i was summoned for jury duty today. i walked in all cocky because there was no way an attorney would put a know-it-all paralegal on a jury. i mean, come on. i know just enough about the law to be obnoxious. so my plan was to sit as patiently as i could through voire dire and then buy a giant cookie with my juror monies once i was dismissed.

after filling out a questionnaire (where i wrote my job title in really big print and was as vague as ethically possible about my newspaper/magazine-reading habits) and pretending to listen to the clerk talk about the joys and wonders of jury duty (and also about air travel tips because i guess she used to work for an airline), we watched an instruction video. the video showed a trial and i thought to myself, “hu. how do i know that judge?”
and i thought about it for a second.
and then i looked over at the man sitting next to me.
then up at the tv judge.
over at the guy next to me.
he finally leaned over and said, “that’s a handsome judge, hu.”

and that’s when i knew i was screwed. because if it comes down to whether to put a paralegal or a state supreme court judge on your jury… who would you choose?

i started to mentally prepare myself to spend the day pretending to care about the legal process and the 6th amendment (see? just enough legal knowledge to be obnoxious). but right when we were getting ready to go, the judge (not the tv judge) walked in and said the parties settled and we could go.

and i sprinted outside to freedom. aka 7/11. where i bought a giant cookie with my juror monies.