Friday, December 29, 2006


for christmas, my grandfather bought me a palm pilot.
it's very cool.
it seems to have been created for very busy and important people.

i must endeavor to necessitate such a gift.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

boston legal: season 2

i never dreamt these words would stream from my finger tips...
i am having a love affair with william shatner.

would that i could be mrs. captain kirk.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006


in my continuing quest for self awareness, i found great solace today on google with my fellow kat/kathryns.
we are a wonderfully diverse crowd.

good group.

however, i have found that the following image represents me the most...

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

oh, you better watch out...

santa and mrs. claus were in front of me in line at little caesar's. pizza pizza.
i was, of course, on my best behavior.
the children in line behind me were not.

so, like, how does that happen?

Friday, December 15, 2006

an entry about

i am having my first negative experience with i ordered "lost" season 2 a month ago and, sadly, have yet to receive it. i've emailed the person twice in vain. but i figure i'll email him once more, and then email amazon and get my money back.
i'm not too worried about it.
i'm way more worried about the seller bjc616. up through the end of november his ratings were through the roof. "received as promised" said rachel. "no problems, fast ship" said jmr718nyc. "a great family film" said the new york times. ahem. not until last week did he get such reviews as "item was ordered on nov 14th. as of dec 8th it still has not arrived and four email requests for an update have been unanswered. this seller should no longer be able to advertise. complete waste of time" from suzanne r.
i think something happened.
something horrible.
maybe over thanksgiving.
and it angers me that bjc616 has been kidnapped or killed or something and nobody seems to care.
plus he's a "lost" fan.
so my soulmate is being held for ransom in a shack somewhere in the remote part of nevada and nobody is doing anything about it!

what kind of world do we live in?

Thursday, December 14, 2006

single minded

heard: "the one, well, the only lesson i've ever learned about writing was if your story isn't working, get rid of the part you love the most, or the part you started writing the story for and everything will fall into place."
(totally paraphrased, by the way)

i'm not going to tell you where i heard the above, because it's too embarassing.
let's just pretend i heard it somewhere credible.
in any case, it made me look up from what i was doing and go, "" not because i fancy myself a writer. when i'd have to write stories in school, they'd usually ended with one of the characters waking up and realizing it was all a dream.
but, well, for example, i have to have that mentality at work pretty consistently. not with the payroll, or the general lackeying, but with my actual designing stuff. i tend to start out with an idea i'm really excited (dare i say "jazzed") about and then somewhere around the middle i get blocked. seriously blocked. and it's usually not until i throw my original genius idea ("gingham! hundreds of gingham labels as far as the eye can see! it's brilliant!) out that it all comes together.

hu. getting rid of something you're being stubbornly single minded about. so you can move on.
there's, like, a life lesson there.
or something.

Monday, December 11, 2006


k. so i have this thing. this pretty neurotic thing where something completely mundane happens and instead of going about my day in peace, my mind starts concocting these "sure that was boring, but what if i'd put my foot in my mouth... oh my gosh what if i'd done that? what if i'd put my foot in my mouth? i would have died!... [starting to hyperventillate] i can't believe i came so close to putting my foot in my mouth! i'm such a freak! " scenarios and i lose my grip on reality and become an emotional wreck.
an example:
a few weeks ago one of my favorite people whom (i'm trying to understand the difference between "who" nad "whom" for a writing class i'm attempting to take. it's very confusing and i'm not sure i used "whom" correctly just now) i used to work with came in to say hi. it was great. i asked about his girlfriend and his new job and waited patiently for a lull in the conversation so i could ask about his baby girl. we talked for about 10 minutes before there was lull and in trying remember what i'd wanted to ask him, my brain also brought up a very important piece of information--> his baby died. about a month before she was due. it was horrible and very very sad... and i was so glad i remembered in time to, you know, NOT bring it up.
but then i went in to complete panic mode. worse than if i'd actually said something. i was mortified. about something i had not done.
and this happens all the time. because frankly i have a lot of close calls.

you know, some might say it's because i have an over active imagination and not enough to do. like in the book "matilda". except that matilda's unused potential resulted in telekinesis, where as mine results in self induced panic attacks.

i have no conclusion for this post.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night

i shall say this once and i shall say it loud...

"rocky 6" is coming soon to a theater near you.

i know, people. that, in and of itself is exciting, but that's not all.
so hold on to your hats.
if you're not wearing a hat, then... i don't know... hold on to your head.

because "rocky 6" will be in theaters in 16 days.

was a more beautiful sentence ever written?

this fills me with glee. with a sense of hope and optimism. and, dare i say it? with the eye of the tiger.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


the moral of this morning's episode of "a different world": one shouldn't try and stretch oneself too thin... or one will pass out on the floor of "the pit".
dwayne wayneism of the morning: "this is your body's way of telling you to CHILL!"

Monday, December 04, 2006

part of your world

last night at family dinner, after regailing my parents and grandmother with an anecdote about watching "the little mermaid" for the first time in about 5+ years and being surprised to find all of the song lyrics and dialogue of said movie stored in my head. taking up space. sitting and waiting, for what i don't know. and also how it's my firm belief that every girl in my age range has found herself at some point in her life in a swimming pool trying to imitate ariel's dramatic hair flippy moment.


this naturally led to a family remembrance of a dance performance circa 1991ish of "the little mermaid". after a careful auditioning process, my older sister carolyn was given the lead. and she was adorable as ariel. she had to dye her hair bright red and prance around the stage in florescent green tights, and still she was lovely.

i was also given a role. the role of "atina", one of ariel's sisters. i was excited, i'm not going to lie to you. i had a 2 second solo, and a glow in the dark cardboard fin. in my young estimation, it was the role of a lifetime.

but talking about it last night, it hit me. after a rigorous auditioning process, i was, as a 10 year old, deemed to have enough dancing talent to qualify me for an immobile role.

that's all.

Friday, December 01, 2006

tainted by the world

had the following conversation with my mom last night...

mom: "so what did you do today?"
me: "went to work, finished a painting, went visiting teaching, went running, and now i'm making a salad."
"well, aren't you a little doobie!"
"... what did you call me?"
"a doobie"
"... hu... well you're quite the little joint yourself."
"when i was a little girl i used to watch a tv show and the lady on it would call the kids 'little dewbees' because they were doing so much."
"... oh."
"what do you think a doobie is?"
"...hehehe... um... that."

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

26 days more

letter the first...

dear the beach boys,

if i have to listen to "little st. nick" one more time, i'm going to be forced to do something very melodramatic.


letter the second...

dear the clash,

bless you for never, ever writing any christmas songs.


letter the third...

dear my headphones,

thank you for being you.


Tuesday, November 28, 2006


as she sat in the hairdresser's chair, hair damp and torso covered by a tarp growing heavier with each passing moment, she realized there did not exist a moment more awkward than this.
the hairdresser took a step towards her, scissors poised yet trembling, showing a glimpse of the true mental state hidden behind the hairdresser's smile, for her mother had died two days before as she had just revealed.
and so she sat in the hairdresser's chair, hair damp, torso covered by a tarp growing heavier with each passing moment, and frozen in terror.

11pm-ish update: hehehe... ok. so apparently writing abstractly does not work for me. to clarify, i went to supercuts last week and when i asked the random haircutter gal how her thanksgiving had been she said, "it was ok. my mom died on monday, but it was good." and it was possibly one of the most awkward moments of my life.
much more clear, yet so unliterary.

Friday, November 24, 2006

thanksgiving 2006: adventures in gluttony... and also sloth


Dear Every/Anyone,

Kat wishes she could write to you today. Unfortunately she's in bed with a "yam related hangover" (her words, not mine). Okay, honestly? She's laying in bed watching the movie "Cocoon" and eating chocolate chip cookies. When I reminded her about writing a blog she said, and I quote, "Those suckers wouldn't know a good blog if it punched them in the kidneys".
So we've compromised. Everytime Steve Guttenberg comes on screen, Kat dictates a part of this blog for me to type which basically means she mumbles something nonsensical and then laughs hysterically.
For example, she's now saying something about her burgeoning love of Jason Bateman. I don't even know where that came from. I asked her for some context and she just yelled, "MY LOVE WILL NOT BE DENIED!!" so I'm going to let her do her thing and assume she's talking about "Arrested Development". You know, it's a shame such a delightful show was cancelled because it contained serious levels of hillarity. I'd have to say my favorite character is George Michael. I firmly believe his reactions are even funnier than... hu... well, according to Kat, I suck. And yes, she made sure I put that in.
Um, now she's rambling on about her knife collection. Something about how she needs to find a nice display case... and "knife polish" apparently. In my oppinion, a knife collection is made up of more than three knives (especially when one of the three knives is a pocket knife), but she's very insistent about her incipient, although purely accidental, knife collection so I'm going to let her win this one. Besides, if she continues to accumulate "crazy non cousin" donated weaponry at the current rate, she'll have a verifiable collection in no time. But I am not buying her a display case. No matter how many pocket knife/laser pointers she's given. Because it's just weird.
Wow. Okay, now she's in this, I don't know how else to describe it, like, waking coma. I waved my hand in front of her face and she didn't even respond. Maybe this is a really good part of "Cocoon". I don't know. The old people are acting young, is that the good part? I guess now that I have you all to myself there are a few things I've been wanting to talk about. All through college and in my post grad work I studied socioeconomic factors' correlation to international enmity, I even wrote my thesis on it, and I've put together a basic, three point plan to help move us towards world peace. First, we simply need to... sigh... Kat says, "OLD PEOPLE RULE!"
I give up. I'm going to turn on my ipod and pretend I'm typing. dkeiwoapkdfcnndie djdhsiuewhwioemcniwpqbbvmguheyqpghdsklaiejdhfnbcmwifhaksjheuvoakjehcbc

Hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving,
Kat's Coadjutant a.k.a La Assistante

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


really, when it comes down to it, if i could have a super power, it would either have to be invisibility or the ability to freeze time.

flying would be cold and not as easy and quick as driving (what with all the controls on air traffic and what not). plus, everytime i picture flying to work, i picture that scene from "dumb and dumber" when they drive jim carey's moped to wherever and when they get to their destination they're all covered with dead bugs. p.s. i strongly dislike the movie "dumb and dumber".

and i have a feeling that being able to read people's minds would just prove how little attention people pay to me when i talk to them.

and if i was ultra strong i'd feel obligated to somehow fight crime.

yep. invisibility and time freezing are definitely the way to go.

Monday, November 20, 2006

forgetful but satiated

up until a year ago i was self absorbed enough to blog, email, and scrapbook, and keep a journal. i don't know how i found the energy to maintain the sense of self import i dug down deep but i wish i could reclaim it because i'm realizing more and more how bad my memory is.
it's pathetic really.
i'm like drew barrymore in that one adam sandler movie. no, not the 80's one. the one where drew can't remember anything.

also, a completely unrelated thought, i've been in love with the chocolate from vosges ever since my coworker discovered it a year ago. it happens to be aimed straight at my particular purchasing demographic*. i just tried the calindia and goji bars today to which i give two thumbs up.

*emotionally dependent on chocolate.
*deperate need to quell for now desires to travel to europe/asia/africa/auastralia by consuming food remeniscent of said places.
*willing to pay $7.00 for a candy bar without batting an eye.

Friday, November 17, 2006


warning: i'm caffeine free. this is, in fact, noncaffeination: day two. and although i enjoy the light, low carb, non FDA approved flavor of fuze juice, chromium and vitaminC are not going to keep my head from caving in.

on this lovely friday morning (please read: afternoon), i am struck with an intense appreciation for mankind's potential to embrace diversity.

it's beautiful really.

there are people who love to watch "casablanca" (never seen it) as well as "the three stooges" (never wanted to see it).

people who enjoy reading charles dickens (hate him) as well as anne rice (if it's not joss whedon, i want no part of it).

people who find the "love is..." cartoons
and "lil brudder"
equally delightful.

and people who feel both michael buble (not enough testosterone) and def leppard (too much hair) are good for the soul.

i, however, represent a different cross-section of unbiased humanity.
because i hate everything.

true or false

thank you, splincoln, for giving me something to do.


I'm short: false
I have scars: true... both physical and emotional [sniff]
I tan easily: true
I burn easily: false
I wish my hair was a different color: false
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color: true
I wear glasses or contacts: true
I'm legally blind without them: false... i think
I have 5 or more piercing: false
I have/had piercing in places besides my ears: true

I miss someone right now: true (that's right splincoln! some of us have hearts that are not made of stone!)
I've gotten divorced: false
I've had a crush on a teacher: true
I've hugged a stranger: true
I like my bubble: very true

I've laughed so hard I've cried: true
I've glued my hand to something: true
I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose: false
I've had my pants rip/drop in public: ahem... true
I was born with a disease/impairment: not unless beauty is a disease/impairment.
I've sat in a doctor's office with a friend: true
I've had my wisdom teeth removed: true
I've had a serious surgery: false
I've had chicken pox: true

I've gotten lost in a city: true
I've seen a shooting star: false
I've wished on a shooting star: false
I've gone out in public in my pajamas: true
I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator: true
I've been to a casino: true
I've been skydiving: false
I've played spin the bottle: false
I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour: ew.
I've been in a car crash: false (knock on wood)
I've caught a snowflake on my tongue: true
I've sat on a roof top at night: true
I've played chicken: false
I've played a prank on someone: true
I've ridden in a taxi: true
I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show: true
I've eaten Sushi: true

I own something from Hot Topic: true
I own something I got on E-Bay: false
I own something from Abercrombie: false
I own something from American Eagle: false
I own something from Anchor Blue: false

More Random:
I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant: false
I watch the news: false
I curse regularly: false...ish.
I sing in the shower: true
I'm a morning person: hehehe ya right.
I have listened to more than 30 CD's in a day: false
I've worn pajamas to school: true
I know how to shoot a gun: false
I laugh at my own jokes: true
I am really ticklish: abstain
I play video games: false
I'm good at remembering names: false

i'm now to the point where i've typed "true" and "false" so much they both look like they're spelled wrong.

feel free to do this on your own blog and paste the link to it in the comments.
cuz then i'll have something to read! hoorah!

thanks for your time.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

brain waves

dear friends, family, and people i'm only pretending to like in the hopes that someday they'll buy me something,

there's something i've been meaning to write about and i suppose now is as good a time as any to get into it.
after years of thinking i should probably do so, i finally started to get some neurological testing done. i got my first brain scan back this morning and the doctor pointed out something a little peculiar he found.

ok. so this is my brain...

and if you zoom in on that...

wait. zoom in a little bit more...

and then zoom in a little further, you see this...

i know. weird, right?

unrelated pet peeve of the day: the phrase is not "i could care less".

Monday, November 13, 2006


i had a long day today and decided to forget my troubles with a nice half hour of syndicated sitcomyness.
and although i'm not one for quoting lyrics, i feel impressed to share a little something with you...

so no one told you life was going to be this way.
your job's a joke.
you're broke.
your love life's d.o.a.
it's like you're always stuck in second gear,
when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.

that's the most depressing thing i've ever heard.
you'll be there for me when the rain starts to fall??
you'll get yours someday, "friends".

you'll get yours.

Friday, November 10, 2006


<--- this is the weather prediction for this weekend.
now. when the weather prediction looks like that, i tend to look like this --->

this is me giving you fair warning.

Thursday, November 09, 2006


i bought a new dvd/vcr at walmart last night because it was on sale (i think) and in a big pile.
it was as though i had no will of my own.
after i finished setting it up, i had a mini marathon involving the only one of my dvd sets which hasn't been borrowed (seriously) ...
"gilmore girls".
season 4.
which i love. here's a brief cross section of the pop-culture/not-at-all-pop-culture references included in said dvd set:

"annie sullivan"
"brown bunny"
blake edwards
"the carringtons"
farrah on letterman
"grey gardens"
henry box brown
iran in '79
jack lalanne
keith richards at altamont
"kids in the hall"
kofi annan
"mommie dearest"
"national velvet"
pat summerall
"persis khambatta"
the strand
ted knight
tony robbins
"what's your damage, heather?"
"witches of eastwick"

when it comes to "gilmore girls" i average about 65% knowledge (80% when you include contextual understanding) which i feel pretty good about.
and people say television turns your brain to mush.

i still have no idea what "the strand" is. look out google, here i come!

Monday, October 30, 2006

lost driver's license

okay. let's look past the fact that the song "mack the knife" has been stuck in my head all day for no apparent reason.
the truth of the matter is that i'm losing my mind.
my mom made the good point last night that this at least proves i once had one.
point well taken.
but it doesn't change my point.
that i'm going mad.
i saw this old movie once where this guy decides to make his wife think she's going crazy so he can have her commited and get control of her inheritance, so he secretly moves things and steals things and acts generally treacherous and moustache twirly.
and the same thing's happening to me. except i don't have an inheritance.
or a husband with a twirly moustache.
but my stuff keeps on disapearing and either i'm crazy, or someone out there is plotting against me.

or i need to clean my room.

Friday, October 27, 2006


some songs that describe me today:
uno "basket case" green day
dos "under pressure" queen featuring david bowie
tres "help" the beatles

songs that do not describe me today:
un "free at last" g love
deux "hard knock life" jay z
trois "oklahoma" from the musical "oklahoma"

some actors i'm worried about because i haven't heard anything about them lately:
ichi the former stars of the acclaimed kids show "today's special"
ni dr. greene from "e.r." a.k.a. goose from "top gun"
san christian slater

some things that sound really good right now:
men men
twee pretzelmaker's salty, buttery pretzel with cream cheese
drie some diet freaking coke!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


sorry, i don't usually do this* but does this thrill anyone else? it's like when the flip cell phone first came out and i was all "finally! my own communication device. now if i could only afford a tricorder..." except in this case i'm picturing isaac asimov...

...doing a mighty tap dancing number in the after life while singing, "remember the three laws of robotics everyone! la la la" while michael crichton glowers in his mansion yelling, "when will it be my turn? when? when?? when will disneyland open their 'it's a cretaceous world after all' ride? gaaa!"

*link to "news" articles.
*comment on "news" articles.
*write two blogs in the same day.

a day in the life of kathryn

part 9,181
the one where there's a lot of love but too many good intentions.

madre: okay, i'll admit it. i really want grandchildren.
me: no kidding.
padre: do you date at all, kathryn?
me: no.
padre: not at all?
me: no
padre: ...well, i don't get that at all.
madre: listen, i'll admit it. i want grandchildren.
me: okay.
grandma: [walking into living room with an orange shirt] you left this here.
me: i did?
grandma: yes.
me: when?
grandma: a few years ago. do you want it?
grandma: you don't want it?
me: no.
grandma: why not?
me: it's orange.
grandma: ...
me: and two sizes too small.
grandma: i'm trying to clean out my house before i die. [sighs and walks out of room]
padre: don't the boys ask you on dates?
me: no.
padre: no?
me: no.
padre: they're probaby intimidated.
me: ...yes i'm sure that's it.
madre: okay, okay! i admit it. i want grandchildren.
me: good for you.
grandma: [walks into living room with pair of pants] do you want these?
me: no.
grandma: carolyn left them here awhile ago.
me: define "awhile".
grandma: um... 1996?
me: no.
grandma: you don't want them?
me: really, really no.
grandma: do you think carolyn wants them?
me: well... they're size 14 khaki carpenter pants, so i'm gonna say no.
grandma: but they're such a nice material.
me: indeed.
grandma: sigh... i just don't want you to have to clean out my house when i die [walks out of room]
madre: you know, the people at work are going through all these life changes because their kids are getting married and having babies.
me: that's nice for them.
madre: and all i have is stories about our dog...
the dog: woof!
padre: you know, i used to be scared of rejection.
madre: ... so, yes, i admit it...
padre: maybe the boys are afraid you'll reject them.
madre: ... i want grandchildren...
padre: someone once told me, "if you apply for a job, you might not get it. but if you don't apply, then you definitely won't get it."
madre: ... see? i admit it!
padre: you should tell the boys that.
grandma: [walks in with a pair of jeans] now, kathryn, i wear these jeans you left here when i garden.
me: cool.
grandma: i like them because they're nice and thick and i don't get cut by the thorns. but they're the ultra low waisted pants that are the fashion now a days.
me: look at you following the trends.
grandma: well, the other day i was out in the garden picking up plums and when i stood up, it felt drafty and that's when i realized that your jeans had fallen off me!
me: grandma!
grandma: i'm just glad i was in the back yard!
me: maybe we should buy you a belt.
grandma: no. i'm going to die.
me: ... sigh.
grandma: now, kathryn, when i do die... i don't want you to go through my clothes, just throw them away.
me: actually grandma, when you die i'm just going to toss you on your bed... and burn your house down.
grandma: oh kathryn.
me: no, seriously, think about it grandma... we won't have to pay for a funeral, we won't have to clean out your house, and we'll collect some insurance money!
grandma: ... [starts nodding]... and you could probably sell the property too.


Friday, October 20, 2006


reasons i've thought of to include in my "i quit" speech that didn't involve the phrase, "every day i lose another piece of my SOUL!"... 0

days since i combed my hair... 11

blisters from tying ribbon... 2

times i've listened to queen's "i want to break free"... 20 billion

'tis the frickin' season.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

el spader

having encountered a handful of people in the last month who neither respect the true infamy of the 80's james spadernor seem to have even the basic knowledge of a little movie i like to call "pretty in pink", i now feel it is my duty to present my favorite scene from said movie...

oh duckie.

Monday, October 16, 2006


yes, it's true. at the dance party saturday night i did in fact slap a small asian girl.

but it was accidental, and she was not in my line of vision, and i apologized profusely when it happened and also 20 minutes later when i accidentally rammed into her during a particularly vigorous running man experience.

sadly it's also true that i refrained from slapping the little punk in the beanie who decided he hated me.

college boys.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

instant weight gain

a beautiful thing happened awhile ago.
i was watching tv the other day when the power went out. a few minutes later, the power came back on and my tv was inexplicably in widescreen mode. so for the last couple of weeks every time i watch tv, everything's a little bit, well, squatty.

i love it. i will never go back to regular tv. ever.

watching the 20 pounds heavier cast of "friends" is nothing short of miraculous.

Friday, September 29, 2006

dine o round

yesterday as i ate bruschetta, pollo gratella, and creme brulee served by the first man i've ever been unable to describe as anything other than "jaunty" and who may have been faking his british accent, and cleared by a short man named "heidi"[deep breath to be taken here. because seriously, this sentence is super long], it ocurred to me how great life can be.

and when "jaunty" gave me the creme brulee for free because when he told me they were out of the tiramisu i'd originally ordered i'd launched into a sob story about how i'd come for the tiramisu and i'd driven three hours in the snow so why didn't he just shove me in a ditch while he was at it [go ahead. take another deep breath], it ocurred to me that whining about tiramisu is exactly why the rest of the world hates us.

Thursday, September 28, 2006


my bedroom is the physical manifestation of my state-of-mind which, as it turns out, always transfers into the state of my hair.

in other words, they are all three a mess.

Monday, September 25, 2006


i'm afraid i've been thinking.
about tattoos,
and the quote from that thing the guy showed me awhile ago that went something like, "think about what you liked 10 years ago. would you want that permenantly placed on your body? probably not. so chances are, 10 years from now your likes and dislikes will have changed just as much."
it was way funnier when i watched the guy say it. on that thing. he was all sarcastic and using a funny voice.
but you get the jist.

and really, couldn't that paraphrase apply to just about anything? i mean, how is a person supposed to commit to any sort of decision when they'll most definitely change in the next 10 years?
because seriously, 10 years ago i liked cheerleading and tucking my shirt into my shorts.
and brad pitt.

now, let's be clear. this isn't me whining about my commitment phobias. yada yada yada... i have dating issues... yada yada yada... i'll probably die alonobody cares!
i don't even care.
and i usually have a pretty high tolerance for my whining.

no. see, all i'm saying is even if i did come up with a plan for the future and even if i did someday get what i thought i wanted, by the time i got what i wanted, what i want will have changed.

um... yes, this is me trying to rationalize my complete lack of desire to look for another graphic design job.
graphic designer shmaphic designer.
i want to be a food critic.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

for the love

we interrupt our normally scheduled blogcasting for this very special message from our queen, our liege, and our blogtator... um... me. kat.

i am having a bad. day.

i have officially made three, fairly large mistakes in the last 6 hours. i flaked a press-check at one of our printers, forgot to make the christmas label chart, and messed up the friggin' (yes, i said "friggin". i didn't think "friggin", but that's what i'm writing and that's what i'm remaining loyal to) payroll. what's that rosalie? you wanted a paycheck? well, sorry. you can't have it.
because i am an idiot.

now, i also had trouble counting to 10 ("6 boxes plus 4 boxes. so, eight! wait. that's not right..."), made a fool of myself while trying to speak spanish to one of our temps ("catorce y trece quatro... um... treintayquatro... um... thirty-four... so, uh, como se llama?"), and tipped over a pile of sales orders.
and the easter label ideas i sent to our biggest customer? oh ya. they were rejected because the colors were too muted. so i have to redo them.

basically, i suck.

this is why i will not be writing about how i got my hair done and i went to someone new and i felt like i was cheating on my regular stylist.
that story will have to wait for another day.

because i am an idiot.

ok. rant ended.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

no room for grey, just like life.

last night we played the game "love him, hate her".
introduced by "will & grace", it's the ever enjoyable time passer involving a magazine and a blatant disregard for ambiguity.

so, this morning i woke up with a certain song in my head which reminded me of a certain music video...

i love christopher walken.

Friday, September 15, 2006


yes, yes. today i'm late.

happy text twist day!

unscramble the following letters to make as many words as possible


a'ight. um, later.

Thursday, September 14, 2006


ah... thursday. or as it shall hence be known... "game day III".
how exciting.
today's game, i've played in the newspaper many times, but i'm not really sure what it's called. you unscramble each of the words, and then you take all the encircled letters and unscramble them to get the final phrase.
now, the final phrase is a punch line to one of my favorite laffy taffy jokes... "what happens when you cross a singer and a rocking chair?"

hehehe... sigh... laffy taffy, you slay me.

happy obscure-unscrambley-game day!

for some helpful hinting, i will now tell you what letter each of the words starts with.


i am assuming of course, that somebody out there cares.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


hello friends, and a happy game week to you all.
more specifically... happy maze day!
now, again due to problems with the new beta blogger i've had to copy and paste into the body of this blog instead of posting it as a file, so please let me know if there are any problems.

have at it.

do you feel like a lab rat yet?

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

game week

i'm dubbing this week "game week" here at
because i am tired.
and i am grumpy.
and this kid was up in my office talking about how "brian wilson" was a member of "the beatles".
and a part of me died.
and beyonce has a song called "kitty kat" on her new album.
and i realized that from now on every mix cd i ever get will have that song on it.
and another part of me died.

i'm dubbing this week "game week" here at

today's game is a word search. and since stupid betablogger isn't letting me post files today, i'm going to try to put it in the body of this blog (let me know if you have problems with it)...

words/names/phrases to look for:
ann-marie, barnes, ben, buffy, carolyn, diet coke, emmy, fugly, hardy, heckler, hotter, inaction, jaypo, kate, katness, l'il brudder, montana sucks, nama, nessa, newsradio, onomatopoeia, papa mudd, persephone, quixotic, revamped, ritz, sass, spliz, taye diggs, uclean, your mom.

have fun.

happy word search day!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

labour day

i took the matriarchs to walmart yesterday.
i don't think people truly understand how much i adore these two women. i'm guessing it's mostly because i love only two groups of people in this world- those who love me, and those who remind me of myself. my grandmother and great aunt are part of the elite few who fall into both categories.
i feel this statement justifies the use of a venn diagram...

anyways, i enjoy them mostly because they feed my narcissism, but also because they're hilarious. they spent most of the afternoon arguing about who was more feeble. they both made some pretty good arguments about why the other might keel over any second. my grandmother explained that my great aunt had a dizzy spell a couple of weeks ago, has high blood pressure, and a doctors appointment tomorrow. my great aunt brought my grandmother's thyroid condition and thin blood, and looked very smug when we took turns at walmart's blood pressure machine and my grandmother's pulse was "0".
it all came to a mighty climax at the check out stand when my great aunt started helping my walking corpse of a grandmother load her groceries onto the counter. my grandmother glanced back, yelled "NOOO!!", rushed over to my great aunt and pushed her away yelling, "your heart is racing! it's racing!!" my great aunt shoved back and said, "let me help you! let me help you!!"
it was, quite honestly, the funniest thing i've ever seen.

ah, to be 90.

Friday, September 01, 2006

let me entertain you

so... i'm supposed to be translating ingredient information into french, and you wouldn't believe how confusing it is.
and also boring.
actually, you guys seem pretty sympathetic. i bet you'd totally believe translating junk like "modified corn starch" and "carnauba wax" into french is mind numbing for multiple reasons.
thanks. you're always there for me.

anyways... ya, i don't speak french.
at all.
and i'm pretty sure i had a dream like this once.
not in a good way like martin luther king jr and the musical "gypsy".
in the "nightmare on elm street" my job is so diabolically dull it's trying to kill me in my sleep kind of a way.

so, naturally i've been goofing around a lot on the internet- imdb-ing, google-ing, and wikihow-ing (thus far i've learned how to shoot a free throw (just remember balance, elbow, eyes, and follow through (or beef)) and how to join the amish). that is, i've been goofing around on the internet when i'm not trying to avoid the 19 year old who's tried to get me to go out with him every day this week.

i guess what i'm really trying to say is...
my life is strange.

and i hate my job.

Monday, August 28, 2006

self googling

the love of my life introduced me to a game.

so we're going to play it.

the rules are as follows...
rule #1: go to
rule #2: type "[your name] reminds me of" into the search.
rule #3: remember to put it in quotes.
rule #4: pick the funniest phrase that comes up.
rule #5: put the phrase in the comments so i can read it.
and laugh.

kathryn reminds me of a g-rated "girls gone wild" video.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

wow. it's a schooner.

i stand before you with nothing to say.
but look! it's a magic eye!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

bad humour

due to an abundance of joss whedon shows and james bond movies, i've gradually become an anglophile. i love the brits. i love them for their royal guards who protect the queen by not moving or talking. i love them for describing slums as "dickensian". but most of all i love them for bringing the descriptor "firthy" into common use.
or at least i used to.
for the last week i've been working on some candy labels for a company in london and it's turned into a nightmare. after sending the buyer some samples, i received an ELEVEN page outline of all the changes i need to make to our labels' ingredient portion with "notes" like "the function of calcium carbonate must be detailed; it is assumed it is as a thickener but this should be checked- see also note 3 below" and "the following categories of ingredients are covered by the new requirements, if they are present in the finished product, even in an altered form: (1)all added ingredients and components of added ingredients (this includes items in Article 6.2 of Directive 2000/13/EC that are otherwise exempt from labelling requirements (eg fresh fruit, carbonated water, fermented vinegars and all compound ingredients));...", and i spent all day yesterday trying to find the "E number" equilvalents of our food "colours"!
basically now i hate the english.
i'm an anglo-um-phobe? i think that's the antonym.

i'm not fully ready to talk about it.

let us talk instead of my new best friend aaron (not what i call him, but i've stopped writing proper names ever since google searches started bringing people from junior high school to my blog) who last night shared pizza and this gem of a video...

Wednesday, August 16, 2006


i bought a locket a little while ago. i've owned several lockets throughout my consumer based life. they seem so classy. like something you'd find in grandma's jewelry box.
or on the titanic.
now, when i was 12ish i owned a mickey mouse locket. which i admit was not classy. or even cool enough to be kitschy. but if that's the geekiest thing i wore it wasn't during pre-adolescence, then brava to me i had an abundance of vests during the ages of 10-13. i don't know why. i was like a mini paula poundstone.
this most recent lockety purchase displays no disney icon of any variety which i feel already gives me an armful of fashion progress points. and this time i actually put pictures inside because lockets on the titanic most definitely had pictures in them.
i pondered for a night and a day and a night a.k.a. 5 minutes about who i wanted to carry close to my heart...

if that's not classy, then i don't know anything.

Monday, August 14, 2006

the ego has landed

yesterday, while laying on my couch watching a commercial for "jurassic park" during the enhanced version of "back to the future" i thought, "jeff goldblum! i am so in love with him!"
and my ego said, "i have no response to that." and has since been giving me the silent treatment.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


every once and a while there's a day where you go to work and realize everyone's either annoying or in a really bad mood and throwing bags of candy very angrily at the wall.
and you, as always have a complete lack of anything ressembling a desire to work.
you find yourself gradually turning up the volume on your new, birthday ipod nano so "no diggity" is the only thing your brain can process.
you spend your work day goofing around on the internet and wondering if blackstreet thought they were being clever when they came up with the term "eargasm".
and let's get one thing straight. you are content to do so.
and a little bit numb.
numb due in small part to lack of sleep and lack of diet coke in the vending machine...
that's right.
you're back together with diet coke. you tried to break it off. to turn your attention to other beverages which wouldn't hurt you, but in the end... you're weak.
so very, very weak.
...but mostly due to the huge amounts of complacency running through your veins.
until your internet wanderings lead you to discover the whereabouts of some of those punk kids from high school that you probably wasted a little too much mental energy calling the avenging powers of karma upon, but hey, you were young and going through a whole lot of what i like to call adolescence.
you find out those punks are for the most part business consultants or pre med or living in a large, exciting coastal city.
which is great, because you're done with adolescence and you can wish them well and secretly hope karma takes note of your altruistic well wishing.
but it's kind of a wake up call for you. not in a "what do i want to do with my life?" kind of a way because you know what you want to do with your life. it's a wake up call in the "if those punk kids can de-punkify long enough to focus, what's stopping me?" kind of a way.
then your mind becomes a veritible zoo in direct defiance to the numbness and lack of caffeinated soda.

that's right, my friend, you have a lot to ponder.

i, on the otherhand, have only to find a way to get a pet panda bear, because look how cute...

Wednesday, August 02, 2006


the scene: the side of the road. on an overcast summer's day in orem. a monday to be exact.

chivalrous delivery guy (somewhat remeniscent of him but, sadly, not as beautiful): do you need some help?
me: [crouched in front of car, holding spare tire] um... [looking at spare tire] hu... [looking at car] wow. i really don't.
c.d.g.(s.r.o.h.b.s.n.a.b.): are you sure?
me: ya.


that's right. i know how to change a tire like i know how to... um... do other stuff... that i know how to do.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006


"you're gonna need a bigger boat."

"it's never too late to re-tune your soul."
"schultze gets the blues"

"we're alike, me and cat. a couple of poor, nameless slobs."
"breakfast at tiffany's"

"my density has popped me to you."

"back to the future"

"jump back!"

"once you get to know me, you'll really like me."
"i won't like you."

"what's up, doc?"

"god creates dinosaurs. god destroys dinosaurs. god creates man. man destroys god. man creates dinosaurs..."
"...dinosaurs eat man. woman inherits the earth."
"jurassic park"


"personality crisis, you got it while it was hot. frustration and heartache is all you got. don't you worry"
"new york doll"


"she is tolerable i suppose, but she's not handsome enough to tempt me."
"pride and prejudice"

"how does he do it?"
"he cheats."
"the sting"

"life moves pretty fast. if you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."
"ferris bueller's day off"

"what's in it for you?"
"45 minutes all to myself."
"white christmas"

"well, here's to us."

"eye of the tiger"
"rocky III"

"if someone asks you if you're a god, you say 'yes!!'"

"do you want to run this ship??"
"... well... you can't."


you know, this whole little movie quiz thing has made me realize that i do indeed surround myself with the right kinds of people.
i don't think i've ever been prouder of you.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

number 400 a.k.a. movie funness

i spent my down time yesterday doing this. (did pretty good)
and this. (did really good)
and this. (did very poorly)

and then i checked my answers here.

i had a glorious time, and the funwithmovies extravaganza helped me get through an otherwise hot and dreary work day that would not end (during a hiatus, i called my mother who, i found out through the family grapevine, is now convinced i'm going through "a depression". i like to think of it as more an emotional recession, but whatever).
may i now more or less rip those good people off by presenting you with my suggestions for a funwithmovies quiz 4...

















most, if not all, of these pictures should be very easy to identify (re: #7 especially. i mean seriously. it's picture of jeff goldbloom being chased by a tyrannosaurus rex. it's probably not "nine months". unless the t-rex is being played by hugh grant.) because i'm not trying to be tricky. nope. i'm trying to get through another hot and dreary work day that will not end (mostly because it started at 7:30).
i've turned the comment moderator on so you can all have the joy of submitting your guesses as though you are the first one to respond.
i'll probably post the answers on monday and give prizes to all my fellow movie geeks. that'll get me through another day i'm guessing.

i'm taking it one day at a time here people.

p.s. i'm lying about the prizes.

p.p.s. honestly. i'm not depressed. not even repressed. just really, really hot.