Monday, November 30, 2015

i'm the worst

yesterday, i was chit chatting with some random people before church started and, since i didn’t know the guy who was sitting next to me, i introduced myself.
“i’m kat, by the way.”
“i’m buddy”
-- interjection #1: i go to a ward of 800+ people. it’s chaotic and crowded and pheromonic, and the odds of casually running into someone you want to run into are slim to none. fate doesn’t bring you your new best friends, you have to put actual effort and scheming into finding people.--
-- interjection #2: but of course, fate ALWAYS has time to screw with me.--
-- interjection #3: knowing this, i immediately knew whom fate had seated next to me.--
“buddy, what’s your last name?”
“jones.”
sigh… “do you know [my boss. the boss. the first name on the firm's letterhead.]?”
“... oh... you’re THAT kat.”
“yep. i am.”
“... i didn’t plan this!”
“i don’t even know how you would plan this.”
[awkward silence. church starts]


okay. why don’t we rewind a couple of months?


i started a new job in march. it’s been overwhelming and stressful and i’m not sure that it’s the direction i want to be going, but the main thing that stops me from cutting ties is the fact that i really REALLY like the people who i work for. as a paralegal, i will never have attorneys as truly decent as the men i work for.
so i’ve been trying really hard to find my footing and get better at what i do. and i've also been trying to get on good terms with the big bosses who are really nice, but- let’s be honest- don’t know who most of the paralegals are. the other day, the big boss was trying to fix up one of the paralegals with a guy in his ward. she pointed out that she wasn’t mormon and wasn’t particularly into really tall mormon guys. then, almost in unison, the lunchroom suggested that hey, you know who's probably is really into super tall mormon guys…


and that’s how i met the big boss.
he was very kind about the whole thing and really talked-up this tall, mormon guy named buddy and then asked if i would maybe want to be fixed up with tall, mormon buddy.
and even though i hate blind dates (because of how awkward i am and because of how high the chance is that when i open the door, he'll look disappointed), i really wanted the big boss to like me. so i gave him my phone number to give to tall, mormon buddy and told myself (secretly hoped) that nothing would ever come of it.


but of course, a week later, tall, mormon buddy left me a voicemail. because he's a normal human. i am not. i hate talking on the phone and i only have about 10 minutes on any given day when i could call people, and those 10 minutes are usually around or after 10:00 p.m. so i put off calling him. and i already knew i was busy for the next two weekends with halloween stuff. so i put off calling him until after halloween. 

then he left me another message around mid-november. and if he hadn’t called while i was still at work, i would’ve answered the phone, i swear. i thought about texting him, but since he was calling me, i didn’t know if he would think texting was rude and anyways, i knew that i was busy that weekend and the next weekend was thanksgiving…


okay. so i’m the worst.
i am THAT kat.


but to all of you who think i'm awful, don’t worry because fate guided tall, mormon buddy to me so that i would be forced to take responsibility for my actions.


tall, mormon buddy spent sacrament meeting flirting pretty hard with the girl on the other side of him, who flirted back pretty hard. and after sacrament ended, they continued to flirt whilst also blocking the exit to our pew, so i had to sit and wait for them to finish.which was awesome for me.


when they finally said their goodbyes and the girl walked out, tall, mormon buddy turned to me and stared. 
i finally broke the awkward with, “well… sorry i didn’t call you back…” 
“...” 
“...” 
.  .  .  .“ 
“okay. well. it was nice to meet you.” 
“...” 
“...” 
.  .  .  .“ “bye.


in closing, i feel like the moral of this story is best expressed by a quote from the contemporary classic film “can’t hardly wait”:
“just so you know. judging from my little experience, i kind of believe in fate. it just works in really screwed up ways sometimes.”

happy thanksgiving.