Friday, October 10, 2014


about a week ago, i went to this bonfire thing and wound up trying to make small talk with a guy who i've known peripherally for about a year (meaning that he's friends of friends and often at stuff i'm at).

i say "trying" to make small talk, because i went to all my go-to, icebreaker topics and he was really just not having it.

plus, he was doing that thing where he was talking to me but looking around for someone better.

which i hate.

my defense strategy when a social situation is going awkwardly... is to make it worse. seriously. i go into a bit and i keep escalating it to see how long it takes people to get that i'm joking. its like a game of sense-of-humor chicken.

so i'm in the middle of a bit and i say something like, "what do you think i should do?" and the guy i was talking to said, "i don't know. maybe you should be smoother."

then he said he wanted to go get some "wassail before it runs out" and he stood up and walked over to a group of girls.

smoother girls.

i was left staring at the empty space where he'd been sitting. then, i realized that one of my guy friends, dave, had been sitting next to him. and i realized this when dave said, "um... hi kat." and dave said, "um... hi kat." because my stunned, staring into space, was actually stunned, staring at dave's face.

so, ya. maybe i do need to be smoother. but i think the better, more bloggable point is that sometimes  nice, straight arrow guys are kind of assholes.



Thursday, October 09, 2014

little girl in the middle

hanging out with 40-year-olds...
me: i invited [other 40 year old], but he never got back to me.
40: ya?
me: AND since he's not on facebook, i had to look up his phone number and text him out of nowhere like a stalker.
40: you texted him?
me: ya.
40: but he doesn't have text messaging.
me: ... so... how am i supposed to get a hold of him?
40: well, you could call him.
me: call him? like, call him on the phone?
40: yes.
me: ... well that doesn't sound right at all.


hanging out with 20-year-olds...
me: what did you do last weekend?
20: my friends and i went camping.
me: during the insane rainstorm?
20: ya. it was so much fun! we grabbed some steaks and a grill and drove up to some canyon, but it was too expensive so we drove to some other canyon but all the sites were full. so then we parked in front of an empty cabin and tried to use their grill hook up.
me: what?
20: but then our grill didn't have the right sized hook up so we couldn't grill the steaks. and we didn't have any matches to start a fire but i did have some flint so i started a fire in the rain with a piece of flint. it was awesome.
me: ...
20: but then we didn't have any way to cook the steaks, but we had a tin can and some butter so we just put the steaks in a can with butter and kind of deep fried them. they tasted amazing!
me: …i don't believe you.
20: and then we slept in my van. the rain kind of made it sink down into the mud, so we were kind of sleeping on an incline, but-
me: - i think i might need you to stop telling me this story.

"he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, i am not for him: therefore, i will even take sixpence in earnest of the bear-ward, and lead his apes into hell."

is it sad that i just associated shakespeare with my awkward social interactions? also, who's the ape?

am i the ape?