Wednesday, November 29, 2006

26 days more

letter the first...

dear the beach boys,

if i have to listen to "little st. nick" one more time, i'm going to be forced to do something very melodramatic.


letter the second...

dear the clash,

bless you for never, ever writing any christmas songs.


letter the third...

dear my headphones,

thank you for being you.


Tuesday, November 28, 2006


as she sat in the hairdresser's chair, hair damp and torso covered by a tarp growing heavier with each passing moment, she realized there did not exist a moment more awkward than this.
the hairdresser took a step towards her, scissors poised yet trembling, showing a glimpse of the true mental state hidden behind the hairdresser's smile, for her mother had died two days before as she had just revealed.
and so she sat in the hairdresser's chair, hair damp, torso covered by a tarp growing heavier with each passing moment, and frozen in terror.

11pm-ish update: hehehe... ok. so apparently writing abstractly does not work for me. to clarify, i went to supercuts last week and when i asked the random haircutter gal how her thanksgiving had been she said, "it was ok. my mom died on monday, but it was good." and it was possibly one of the most awkward moments of my life.
much more clear, yet so unliterary.

Friday, November 24, 2006

thanksgiving 2006: adventures in gluttony... and also sloth


Dear Every/Anyone,

Kat wishes she could write to you today. Unfortunately she's in bed with a "yam related hangover" (her words, not mine). Okay, honestly? She's laying in bed watching the movie "Cocoon" and eating chocolate chip cookies. When I reminded her about writing a blog she said, and I quote, "Those suckers wouldn't know a good blog if it punched them in the kidneys".
So we've compromised. Everytime Steve Guttenberg comes on screen, Kat dictates a part of this blog for me to type which basically means she mumbles something nonsensical and then laughs hysterically.
For example, she's now saying something about her burgeoning love of Jason Bateman. I don't even know where that came from. I asked her for some context and she just yelled, "MY LOVE WILL NOT BE DENIED!!" so I'm going to let her do her thing and assume she's talking about "Arrested Development". You know, it's a shame such a delightful show was cancelled because it contained serious levels of hillarity. I'd have to say my favorite character is George Michael. I firmly believe his reactions are even funnier than... hu... well, according to Kat, I suck. And yes, she made sure I put that in.
Um, now she's rambling on about her knife collection. Something about how she needs to find a nice display case... and "knife polish" apparently. In my oppinion, a knife collection is made up of more than three knives (especially when one of the three knives is a pocket knife), but she's very insistent about her incipient, although purely accidental, knife collection so I'm going to let her win this one. Besides, if she continues to accumulate "crazy non cousin" donated weaponry at the current rate, she'll have a verifiable collection in no time. But I am not buying her a display case. No matter how many pocket knife/laser pointers she's given. Because it's just weird.
Wow. Okay, now she's in this, I don't know how else to describe it, like, waking coma. I waved my hand in front of her face and she didn't even respond. Maybe this is a really good part of "Cocoon". I don't know. The old people are acting young, is that the good part? I guess now that I have you all to myself there are a few things I've been wanting to talk about. All through college and in my post grad work I studied socioeconomic factors' correlation to international enmity, I even wrote my thesis on it, and I've put together a basic, three point plan to help move us towards world peace. First, we simply need to... sigh... Kat says, "OLD PEOPLE RULE!"
I give up. I'm going to turn on my ipod and pretend I'm typing. dkeiwoapkdfcnndie djdhsiuewhwioemcniwpqbbvmguheyqpghdsklaiejdhfnbcmwifhaksjheuvoakjehcbc

Hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving,
Kat's Coadjutant a.k.a La Assistante

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


really, when it comes down to it, if i could have a super power, it would either have to be invisibility or the ability to freeze time.

flying would be cold and not as easy and quick as driving (what with all the controls on air traffic and what not). plus, everytime i picture flying to work, i picture that scene from "dumb and dumber" when they drive jim carey's moped to wherever and when they get to their destination they're all covered with dead bugs. p.s. i strongly dislike the movie "dumb and dumber".

and i have a feeling that being able to read people's minds would just prove how little attention people pay to me when i talk to them.

and if i was ultra strong i'd feel obligated to somehow fight crime.

yep. invisibility and time freezing are definitely the way to go.

Monday, November 20, 2006

forgetful but satiated

up until a year ago i was self absorbed enough to blog, email, and scrapbook, and keep a journal. i don't know how i found the energy to maintain the sense of self import i dug down deep but i wish i could reclaim it because i'm realizing more and more how bad my memory is.
it's pathetic really.
i'm like drew barrymore in that one adam sandler movie. no, not the 80's one. the one where drew can't remember anything.

also, a completely unrelated thought, i've been in love with the chocolate from vosges ever since my coworker discovered it a year ago. it happens to be aimed straight at my particular purchasing demographic*. i just tried the calindia and goji bars today to which i give two thumbs up.

*emotionally dependent on chocolate.
*deperate need to quell for now desires to travel to europe/asia/africa/auastralia by consuming food remeniscent of said places.
*willing to pay $7.00 for a candy bar without batting an eye.

Friday, November 17, 2006


warning: i'm caffeine free. this is, in fact, noncaffeination: day two. and although i enjoy the light, low carb, non FDA approved flavor of fuze juice, chromium and vitaminC are not going to keep my head from caving in.

on this lovely friday morning (please read: afternoon), i am struck with an intense appreciation for mankind's potential to embrace diversity.

it's beautiful really.

there are people who love to watch "casablanca" (never seen it) as well as "the three stooges" (never wanted to see it).

people who enjoy reading charles dickens (hate him) as well as anne rice (if it's not joss whedon, i want no part of it).

people who find the "love is..." cartoons
and "lil brudder"
equally delightful.

and people who feel both michael buble (not enough testosterone) and def leppard (too much hair) are good for the soul.

i, however, represent a different cross-section of unbiased humanity.
because i hate everything.

true or false

thank you, splincoln, for giving me something to do.


I'm short: false
I have scars: true... both physical and emotional [sniff]
I tan easily: true
I burn easily: false
I wish my hair was a different color: false
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color: true
I wear glasses or contacts: true
I'm legally blind without them: false... i think
I have 5 or more piercing: false
I have/had piercing in places besides my ears: true

I miss someone right now: true (that's right splincoln! some of us have hearts that are not made of stone!)
I've gotten divorced: false
I've had a crush on a teacher: true
I've hugged a stranger: true
I like my bubble: very true

I've laughed so hard I've cried: true
I've glued my hand to something: true
I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose: false
I've had my pants rip/drop in public: ahem... true
I was born with a disease/impairment: not unless beauty is a disease/impairment.
I've sat in a doctor's office with a friend: true
I've had my wisdom teeth removed: true
I've had a serious surgery: false
I've had chicken pox: true

I've gotten lost in a city: true
I've seen a shooting star: false
I've wished on a shooting star: false
I've gone out in public in my pajamas: true
I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator: true
I've been to a casino: true
I've been skydiving: false
I've played spin the bottle: false
I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour: ew.
I've been in a car crash: false (knock on wood)
I've caught a snowflake on my tongue: true
I've sat on a roof top at night: true
I've played chicken: false
I've played a prank on someone: true
I've ridden in a taxi: true
I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show: true
I've eaten Sushi: true

I own something from Hot Topic: true
I own something I got on E-Bay: false
I own something from Abercrombie: false
I own something from American Eagle: false
I own something from Anchor Blue: false

More Random:
I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant: false
I watch the news: false
I curse regularly: false...ish.
I sing in the shower: true
I'm a morning person: hehehe ya right.
I have listened to more than 30 CD's in a day: false
I've worn pajamas to school: true
I know how to shoot a gun: false
I laugh at my own jokes: true
I am really ticklish: abstain
I play video games: false
I'm good at remembering names: false

i'm now to the point where i've typed "true" and "false" so much they both look like they're spelled wrong.

feel free to do this on your own blog and paste the link to it in the comments.
cuz then i'll have something to read! hoorah!

thanks for your time.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

brain waves

dear friends, family, and people i'm only pretending to like in the hopes that someday they'll buy me something,

there's something i've been meaning to write about and i suppose now is as good a time as any to get into it.
after years of thinking i should probably do so, i finally started to get some neurological testing done. i got my first brain scan back this morning and the doctor pointed out something a little peculiar he found.

ok. so this is my brain...

and if you zoom in on that...

wait. zoom in a little bit more...

and then zoom in a little further, you see this...

i know. weird, right?

unrelated pet peeve of the day: the phrase is not "i could care less".

Monday, November 13, 2006


i had a long day today and decided to forget my troubles with a nice half hour of syndicated sitcomyness.
and although i'm not one for quoting lyrics, i feel impressed to share a little something with you...

so no one told you life was going to be this way.
your job's a joke.
you're broke.
your love life's d.o.a.
it's like you're always stuck in second gear,
when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.

that's the most depressing thing i've ever heard.
you'll be there for me when the rain starts to fall??
you'll get yours someday, "friends".

you'll get yours.

Friday, November 10, 2006


<--- this is the weather prediction for this weekend.
now. when the weather prediction looks like that, i tend to look like this --->

this is me giving you fair warning.

Thursday, November 09, 2006


i bought a new dvd/vcr at walmart last night because it was on sale (i think) and in a big pile.
it was as though i had no will of my own.
after i finished setting it up, i had a mini marathon involving the only one of my dvd sets which hasn't been borrowed (seriously) ...
"gilmore girls".
season 4.
which i love. here's a brief cross section of the pop-culture/not-at-all-pop-culture references included in said dvd set:

"annie sullivan"
"brown bunny"
blake edwards
"the carringtons"
farrah on letterman
"grey gardens"
henry box brown
iran in '79
jack lalanne
keith richards at altamont
"kids in the hall"
kofi annan
"mommie dearest"
"national velvet"
pat summerall
"persis khambatta"
the strand
ted knight
tony robbins
"what's your damage, heather?"
"witches of eastwick"

when it comes to "gilmore girls" i average about 65% knowledge (80% when you include contextual understanding) which i feel pretty good about.
and people say television turns your brain to mush.

i still have no idea what "the strand" is. look out google, here i come!