nuerotic

k. so i have this thing. this pretty neurotic thing where something completely mundane happens and instead of going about my day in peace, my mind starts concocting these "sure that was boring, but what if i'd put my foot in my mouth... oh my gosh what if i'd done that? what if i'd put my foot in my mouth? i would have died!... [starting to hyperventillate] i can't believe i came so close to putting my foot in my mouth! i'm such a freak! " scenarios and i lose my grip on reality and become an emotional wreck.
an example:
a few weeks ago one of my favorite people whom (i'm trying to understand the difference between "who" nad "whom" for a writing class i'm attempting to take. it's very confusing and i'm not sure i used "whom" correctly just now) i used to work with came in to say hi. it was great. i asked about his girlfriend and his new job and waited patiently for a lull in the conversation so i could ask about his baby girl. we talked for about 10 minutes before there was lull and in trying remember what i'd wanted to ask him, my brain also brought up a very important piece of information--> his baby died. about a month before she was due. it was horrible and very very sad... and i was so glad i remembered in time to, you know, NOT bring it up.
but then i went in to complete panic mode. worse than if i'd actually said something. i was mortified. about something i had not done.
and this happens all the time. because frankly i have a lot of close calls.

you know, some might say it's because i have an over active imagination and not enough to do. like in the book "matilda". except that matilda's unused potential resulted in telekinesis, where as mine results in self induced panic attacks.

i have no conclusion for this post.