last will and testament

i'm dying.

this isn't exactly the way i wanted to go, but... you know... it happens.
i have pink eye. at age 24.
and now i think the pink eye has spread to my throat.
and ears.
and nose.
and brain.

in the last hour i've put 5 excedrin, 2 prescription eye drops, a glass of airborne, 20 cookies, a chicken quesadilla, 30 billion mentholated cough drops, and 20 ounces of diet coke into my system. and i just found some old codeine. that'll probably be next.

but what i'm saying is... if the codeine doesn't help, i'm going to chop my head off.

and in that eventuality, i need to settle a few things...

mom, to you i leave all the stuff i've stolen from home over the years.
daddy, you can have my laptop so you will no longer need to borrow it and say, "i need to get one of these... how do you turn it on?"
liz, my "buffy" dvd's are all yours.
lincoln, you get the container of artificial sweetener i stole from chili's.
kate, to you i leave the best thing of all... my chocolate jar.
em, you get nothing. because you gave me pink eye.
jacob, you can have whatever you want. because let's face it, i'm a pushover for 3 year olds. especially 3 year olds that call me and ask if my eyes are still sick.

everyone else will have to fight over the rest of my stuff. especially the pictures of me.
i might be gone, but the shrine of me should still live on.


...rosebud...