Good... And Good for You

i used to think that i didn't hold grudges. which, in my mind, meant that i was a forgiving person. but i actually think that i've just had a really, really lucky blend of personality and circumstance where, in the instances when i felt like someone has "wronged" me, i didn't really have to deal with it. i just told myself, "okay. relationship over. i'm going to find a new friend." the first time i can remember this happening was in the second grade. my best friend sarah started hanging out with the new girl in our class instead of me and it hurt my feelings. so i stopped hanging out with sarah in any capacity and found a new best friend. distancing myself has always been a thing that works for me. the other thing is empathy/accountability. i've always been able to see the other person's side of the conflict and see my part in it. and once you have that, it's pretty hard to think of that other person as pure evil. my point is that i r...

the other night, this guy introduced me to his friend by saying, “this is kat. she’s hilarious.” i love that compliment. and also sometimes i hate that compliment because it has rarely, if ever, meant, “this is kat. i find her super attractive.” it’s more synonymous with, “this is kat. she’s a goofball and i’m actively friend-zoning her as we speak.” which is fine because here's the thing: i am a goofball. and i go back and forth trying to decide how important that is to me. i don't know that i'll be able to succinctly get my point across, so bear (bare? (i think it's bear)) with me. in my opinion, a big part of life is figuring out 1. who we are/who we want to be, 2. what aspects about ourselves we like or dislike, 3. what others like or dislike about us, and then 4. taking all that information and deciding all over again who we are/who we want to be. it's a subtle balance of self-acceptance and personal growth. i have no problem wi...