This has nothing to do with anything, but I love that thing when you’re in your car and you yield for a pedestrian and they, like, change the way that they walk so it looks like they’re jogging. I mean, they’re not moving any faster, but at least they look like they value my time.
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Still Got It (Never Had It)
Just now, as I left the 7/11 with my Diet Coke, I heard the guy in line behind me say to the cashier, “Hey, dude. Just a sec.” And then I heard him walk up behind me and clear his throat. And as I turned around and looked at him, he stopped, looked me up and down, shook his head, and then went back inside. Listen. I don’t know what it is I’m feeling right now, but I bet the Germans have a good word for it.
Charity Auction
Every year I try to donate something to a Sub-for-Santa auction. And every year I have to approximate my donation’s monetary value beforehand. And then every year my craft winds up being SO GEEKY (so, so geeky) that I can’t decide whether my estimate should be cut in half or doubled. Or if I should just donate the money myself and hang this on my own wall because NOBODY could possibly love Han Solo as much as I love Han Solo.
10k
One of my goals this year was to run a dozen 10k+ races and I am excited to report that, as of today, I HAVE... failed. Totally failed. Like, not even close. So my amended goal, as of today, is to just do a dozen outdoor 10k+ runs before the end of the year. You know, like my own, special races where I always come in first by default. So doable, right? Should take about two weeks to do, right? But tonight, as I sit here on my couch, eating a bowl of Life cereal and watching an episode of “Perfect Strangers,” I am telling you that it is NOT that doable. It is not that doable at all. And it will probably not get done in two weeks. Why is it always so dark outside??
Me Too
I mean, ya, #MeToo. I think the most recent occurrence was a year ago at the Sheepdog Trials when some strange dude wouldn't let go of my arm and kept trying to herd (see what I did there?) me into a tent for a massage, while also suggesting that I give him a lap dance. And actually, the only thing that made this hard to shake off was that my niece was with me, and watched the whole interaction. Because afterwards, as I walked away, I was super worried that since my niece had watched me deescalate the situation by smiling and laughing, she would think that I thought the dude's behavior was okay. I think I dropped the ball at an important moment, because I was so focused on not being confrontational or making a scene, that I don't think I made it clear to the 7 year old watching me that a stranger touching you is never okay. I feel like I need to make it clear that I know there are vastly worst things that happen to women every day. I'm sharing this story bec...
Hero
My wobbly, little, old-man dog slipped and started falling backwards down my basement stairs, but, LIKE A TRUE AMERICAN HERO, I caught him by the turtleneck and pulled him to safety. So go ahead and blame me for the fact that you don't have fur and always having to wear a sweater. Look at me as resentfully as you want Ziggy! Because that ridiculous fashion just saved your life.
I Feel Fine
um... So apparently the world is FOR SURE supposed to end on September 23rd. For. Sure. Like astrologists and crazy, religious cult leaders all agree and have ambiguous proof. And all I'm saying is that if the world ends before the new Star Wars comes out, I'm gonna refuse to get raptured.
Dam Train Race
This morning, I ran the Dam Train Race down in Heber, Utah. As a seasoned fun-runner, let me break down the logistics of a run like this... For this particular race, you wake up earlier than any human ever should, grab a banana and a red bull and drive to your friend's house where you knock on her door for five solid minutes and then, when she doesn't answer, you sit in your car and think about your life choices and consider just driving home and going back to sleep. Then you remember that you were going to post a picture of your glorious finish on Instagram, so you call her until she wakes up and then you sit on the floor of her living room while she puts on some running shoes and grabs a water bottle. Then you both drive to the Historic Heber Valley Railroad where you get out of your car and rethink all of your life choices again as you wait in line for a porta-potty. THEN you ride the Heber Creeper to the dam at Deer Creek Reservoir and you almost fall as...