Hero

My wobbly, little, old-man dog slipped and started falling backwards down my basement stairs, but, LIKE A TRUE AMERICAN HERO, I caught him by the turtleneck and pulled him to safety.

So go ahead and blame me for the fact that you don't have fur and always having to wear a sweater.

Look at me as resentfully as you want Ziggy!

Because that ridiculous fashion just saved your life.