Good... And Good for You

dear friends both real and imaginary, how are you? good? good. so... blogging. all right, i'm going to make a statement about blogging that i'm assuming rings true for everyone. or at least i hope rings true. which is why i shall boldly speak in second person. after a year, or maybe even a few months, of consistent blogging, your reactions to life's little situations change. everything becomes fodder for a good blog anecdote. you're quicker to laugh at yourself and roll your eyes because it's easier to see things from the omniscient story teller's point of view. and that's great. but then, down the line, you change even more. during conversations you start picking out the blog worthy lines. you go on dates looking for things to mock later. you contemplate taking a tape recorder with you to family thanksgiving dinners. and then. down the line, you're cooking dinner and you puncture your finger and blood splatters EVERYWHERE and you howl and elevate your ...

for some ungodly reason, there was a tour of the chocolate factory today. it has never happened before and in fact should never happen because tours of an actual chocolate factory are disenchanting. not an oompa loompah to be seen. no experimental products which go against the very laws of nature. and for goodness sake, why am i part of the tour? "if you look to your left you'll see katasaurus rex. her diet consists of diet coke and sarcasm..." he... just kidding. it was more like, "this is our graphic designer kat. hey kat! what are you doing?" i looked up from my computer, momentarily stopped slurping my diet coke and said, "playing scramble." that's right folks, move it along. looks like it's about time for her feeding.

at exactly 14:52 i clicked "upload", stood up in my office and announced that i was finished with 2008. and so i am. so long suckers, cuz i'm done. i'm onto 2009 now! can't wait until you all catch up with me. although by the time you get to 2009, i'll be way ahead of you. i'll be so comfortable in 2010 that i will probably be calling it "twenty-ten" and since i'm so ahead of the game, it won't even be annoying! deal with it. and merry christmas.

i didn't have to cancel my dead grandfather's milk delivery after all. the price increase was rescinded. i hate when i write a three sentence blog because i think it sounds funny and then right before i hit publish i realize there are serious clarifications to be made about how my grandfather died in 1976 and, come on, how callous a person do you think i am that i would announce a recent death in that way- wait, don't answer that. so then my whole dream of writing a short, light "blogette" goes down the drain because i'm not only in ramble mode, but in defensive mode because apparently everyone thinks i'm a jerk.

it's a well documented fact that i have scores of imaginary friends. not like, hallucinations or anything, just lots of people whom i encounter and then build an imagined relationship with. i'm a socially awkward extrovert. it's how i cope. last night, i became friends with kevin the incense king. i know of his royal lineage because it's written on the side of his car. next to his bumper sticker that says, "real men love jesus". anyways, kevin the incense king lives in my apartment complex with his 3 sons who are always running around outside torturing each other. the other day i came out of my apartment and one of the sons sat dejectedly on the stairs. ziggy took the initiative and trotted over to lick him. "you must taste good", i said in a very non-creepy way (i swear). the incense prince looked up at me and said, "i just ate some cookies." "oh, that explains it." then a second prince came over and said, "i ate bacon this ...