Good... And Good for You

sigh... sadly, with my newly dyed hair i have to renounce my scandinavian heritage. it's heart breaking. my hair looks so pretty, but i look so... so... west side story. crap. maybe i just don't realize how good i look. oooo! catherine zeta jones has really dark hair and she's quite possibly the most beautiful woman in the planet. ooo!! courtney cox is beautiful too. sigh... i just looked in the mirror to see if my hair had faded at all. it hadn't. i thought maybe if i put more make up on, it would draw attention away from my hair... now i look like elvira. in completely different news, i've decided on july's "fox of the month" . better late than never is what i always say. maybe now that you've seen my dream coach , you'll better understand why i was convinced i was athletic for a full afternoon.

i return to provo a better woman because... a. i now know how to change a tire, for real. (did you know that there's a spare tire AND a tire iron AND a car jack all under my trunk? i know! i didn't believe it either. that would be a good way to smuggle drugs.) b. i am not a married young whippersnapper. c. i rinsed my hair with vinegar this morning. d. i bought a new perfume to cancel out my new vinegar aroma. e. my three day stint as potifar's wife in the high school musical will forever, in local circles, live in infamy. (my potipher's wifey scene was recently put in someone's wedding video. i jest not.) f. oprah whinfrey is the number one pop icon. (obviously. i watched oprah religiously when i was 15. she is wise.) g. i finally understand this quote: "i've got a fever and the only prescription? more cow bell."

um... hypothetical situation... let's say you're a creepy guy. and you're wandering around provo at 12:30 at night. and you see a girl scrubbing her kitchen and airing out her apartment. let's say you go and stand in her doorway. and you startle her. and you start talking to her. and you sing a "negro spiritual" you wrote, to her. and the melody is the same as the theme song to "MASH". let's say that she continues to scrub the kitchen. and she keeps on saying things like, "well it was nice to meet you." and "i hope you have a nice night." let's say that you refuse to leave. and you stay. and you stay. and you stay. let's say that you stay until she can take it no longer. and so she says, "well, maybe the next time you're wandering around writing songs and i'm having a late night scrub session we'll run into each other." and you take that to mean: "i want you. i need you...

i don't know whether or not i'm having a good day today. i'll give you the facts in a cold, analytical manner. then you decide... fact #1: i'm wearing dark red lipstick. fact #2: my mom called me to tell me our dog has a genetic blood disease. fact #3: i lost 2 lbs during my road trip. fact #4: i have a very large, chocolatey cake in my kitchen which i'm supposed to save until friday. fact #5: i just remembered that last night someone told me i look like woody from "toy story". in any case, i've decided to go get mexican food tomorrow for lunch. whether i go to los hermanos, corenas, or su casa is yet to be determined by what kind of day i decide i had.

honestly, i'm stressing out. i don't like transition periods. i have no idea what i'm doing next year. i know all the things i'm not doing. ya, there are a lot of things i'm very much not doing. there's so much that happened to me last year, that really i'm not going to ever tell most people about, but it effected me in a lot of ways. i got really restless, and found myself discontented with everything i was doing. so i stopped doing everything. however, i failed to realize that ceasing to go one direction doesn't necessarily push you in another direction, much less the right direction. so here i sit. like a duck. like a bored, restless duck. i have a lot of options. but again, none of them seem right. nothing seems like the right direction. i'm sitting here listening for the click. but sadly, no click. no light bulb. no nothing. man, what if there's never a click? i'm not sad. i'm just impatient, and a little ridiculous because...

ok. i started reading this article online fully intending to mock it, but now i've decided it's completely valid. it has to be written by a woman. a woman who i could be friends with. best friends with... THE PROPER EXECUTION OF THE FIRST KISS "Some guys have a natural, effortless mastery with women, but they are a minority. And most of the guys who are highly skilled and confident with women aren't usually motivated to take the time and caring to help other men become more successful with women. The way most of us learn how to "do it right" is by trial and error -- lots of error and always on trial. All right Clint. Here is some priceless information that will make a big difference for you. The number one rule of proper first kiss execution is certainty that you have built a strong sense of comfort with your date before you make your move. She doesn't have to be in an altered state of blissful romantic anticipation, but she must feel physically...

ok... i can't hold it in any longer. people need to grow up before they start dating. they need to get some self confidence. and some patience. people are messing up! everywhere i look! and i just want to shake them, shake them all and tell them to go to their rooms and think about what they're doing. here are the new restrictions on dating. for the love people! if you are constantly looking for someone better to date, looking to trade up... you should NOT be in a relationship. if you see yourself as constantly being wronged by the opposite sex... you should NOT be in a relationship. if you're attracted to a person's independence but are upset when that person doesn't need you... you should NOT be in a relationship. if you are freakishly preoccupied with how much a person likes you, rather than how much you like them... you should NOT be in a relationship. if you aren't happy... you should NOT be in a relationship. if you have a history of ch...

this has nothing to do with anything. i just thought it was funny... "sunday, september 23, 2001 ...after sacrament, the durr boys went to sit by their family. W sat next to the random girl sitting with the durr family. i assumed it was a new beehive. i thought it was nice of him to fellowship the young beehive aged girl. during the talks i noticed that W was cuddling with the young girl, however the durr family didn't look shocked. it comes to this... W's... dating... a 12 year old!! i sat on the stand wondering if the congregation could see my ego deflating. apparently i am the most unattractive, undesirable woman on the planet. boys who've been rejected by every other woman they've met choose to date junior high students over me. gaaa! i'm repulsive. i must lose 5 pounds immediately. after sacrament the girl disappeared. i can only assume she went to primary."

i am not a member of the cool club, but i do have a subscription to the newsletter. here's this month's featured article. i feel this is worth sharing.. July 2003 To All Members, To minimize the recent confusion which has run rampant amongst society of late, we have compiled a brief list of common "anti-cool" behavior. We readily acknowledge the irrelevant and repetitive appearance of said list to our members, and hope that the standards stated in it will be spread to those whose behavior necessitate an intervention. Cool: Making a joke. Hard to Forgive: Laughing at your own joke. Unpardonably Lame: Laughing so hard at your own joke that you somehow hit your head on a water glass. Cool: Spending the day at the beach. Hard to Forgive: Wearing a bikini. Oh! and you're 60. Unpardonably Lame: Yelling at a cop for not letting you, your husband, and possibly your young kids drink the beer keg you brought. Cool: Seeing your neighbor at Disneyland with h...