Good... And Good for You

i did not like the first "pirates" movie. i thought it was boring, and seriously when did keira knightly become so aggravating? the second movie hurt me physically. i was confused and i was bored and i was dizzy from the 5 hour fight scene in a giant hamster wheel and there was too much keira talking out of her jaw and too few close ups of orlando. and too much creepy octopus head guy. what was that about? however, i have renounced my anti-"pirates franchise" ways and i'll tell you why. the third movie is genius. the same minds which brought us "little monsters" and "godzilla" have indeed written a magnificently abstract piece of work. a few years ago i saw akira kurosawa's " dreams " and have not since enjoyed a surrealist film. until now. does "pirates of the caribbean: at world's end" make sense? no. does it stick to one plot? no. how about two? nu uh. ten? hehe. not even close. does time zip by making it comple...

"why won't you just DIE already???" "chuck norris is my personal god." "i think this would best be settled... with a dance off." "oh geez, put your clothes back on." "this is the perfect blending of tedium and revulsion." "i want my life back!!" that's all i got.

instead of being outside where there is sunshine, purity, and joy, i am sitting in my windowless office trying to pull one more- just one more - label idea out of my skull. i say skull because each new label i've had to make this past week has taken a little piece of my brain- as well as a piece of my soul - with it during cerebral extraction leaving me a hollowed out shell. if it were autumn i'd probably make a jack-o-lantern comparison which would most likely become awkward once i tried to stretch the metaphor into the seed baking phase. i don't know why but my allegories inevitabley tend towards awkwardness. hehe... that reminds me of a television moment... dave:hu. you know i never really thought of it like that. smatthew: well, nobody thinks of allegory these days. dave: but i mean "star wars" as a metaphor for the whole nixon administration. that's fascinating. smatthew: once you realize lord vador represents mcnamera, it all falls into place. dave: my q...

if you ask me, even an adult with actual responsibilities and the ever present standard of self sufficiency looming over their heads can find themselves in a situation where it seems completely rational to have the thought, "i want my mommy" flash through their mind. like if you're hanging from a rickety piece of scaffolding 37 stories off the ground. or you're sitting in a prison cell in thailand because you were caught trying to smuggle heroin across the border. or maybe you inadvertently caused a city wide black out. or when you have the stomach flu. correction. when i have the stomach flu. because really, i'm not stoic. when i get a credit card application in the mail, i call everyone i know to whine about it. so yes, after i passed out on my bathroom floor (glamorous) i thought- well first i thought, "man. i gotta stop partying like this". and that made me laugh. but then the nausea returned so i thought- "i want my mommy." don't judg...

dingdong: s s s o my hu s s sband want s s s to move to another country. me: really?? that's fantastic! dingdong: he s s speak s s s portuge s s s e s s s o he'd probably want to go to, like, portugal or braz s zil and work. me: wonderful! you should totally go for it. dingdong: but he al s s s o want s s s to s s s tart having kid s s s . me: hu. do you want to start having kids? dingdong: i don't really feel ready yet. but he doe s s s ... s s s o, we probably will. me: hu. dingdong: i'm jus s st worried about having kid s s s in a third world country. me: like portugal? dingdong: ya. me: ahem, well, that's totally understandable. when you have a baby, you want your family close by for support and it would be hard to be in a country where you don't speak the language. dingdong: and al s s s o, if you have triplet s s s in a third world country- me: like portugal? dingdong: ya. if you have triplet s s s in a third world country, you can only choo s s s e...

i get migraines on a pretty consistent basis. they start with the muscles in my neck tensing up and end with my brain expanding 3 sizes and trying to break out of my skull. and really the only way to stop the madness is to take a handful of excedrin beautiful excedrin . i would marry it if woman and medication could wed and sit in a dark room with absolutely no stimuli whatsoever because somewhere between the muscles tensing and the skull splitting, all of my senses become heightened. and not in a cool superhero kind of way. in a "why is everyone shouting at me and why can i actually smell things and hey you, ya you mr. flourescent light, why are you trying to make me vomit?" kind of a way. and i'm thinking my sense of cynicism gets heightened too because i did not enjoy "spiderman 3" on saturday and everyone else loved it. everyone. the imdb.com commenters thought it was brilliant. people cried during it. all i'm saying is what with the loudness, and the s...