the darkness

no, not the band.

although, i do believe in a thing called love.

and you are more than welcome to listen to the rhythm of my heart.

no, i'm talking about daylight savings. every year when i "fall back" into the darkness, a piece of my soul begins to hibernate.

and the fact that it began to snow ever so gently the day after the daylight savings, well, that did not help.

last monday, i pulled into my driveway after running some errands but before i could get out of my car, the power lines right above me started sparking.

you know that electrical current noise? it's not something you want to hear right above your head.

i backed my car out of the driveway and parked it across the street. then i sat in my car for five minutes staring at the power lines running up and down my street and i assessed the situation, calling upon my zero years of experience with the power company. i decided everything was okay, woke up ziggy who was asleep in the passenger's seat and crossed the street to go home. when i stepped onto my driveway, the power lines above my head started sparking. i assessed my situation by looking around me at the street, wet from the day's gently wafting snow, and calling upon my zero conversations with noted kite-flier benjamin franklin, decided my driveway was a death trap and i was quite possibly going to die in a puddle of my own urine/become a superhero.

ya... i don't actually understand how electricity works.

luckily, my instincts to run away from any sort of scary/awkward/creepy situation kicked in and i picked up my dog and ranRAN! (not even a cool kind of a run but the kind of weird, crouched-down running you see people do in movies when they're running up to a helicopter) back across the street because in my mind the only way to defeat an electrical current was to get back to my car. my reasoning has something to do with the rubber tires.

then my neighbors came out of their homes and asked if i was okay, and then this weird french guy named oliver who apparently lives down the street asked me if i was single and if he could come over to my house later, and then a fire truck came (tragically, the firemen did NOT ask if i was single and if they could come over to my house later).

then i sat in my powerless house in the dark even though it was only, like, 5:30 and stared at the one candle i own and wondered why i don't own matches anymore. and then i did the only thing there is to do when you're sitting in the dark with no tv or computer or light source, i made some mental lists which i am now going to share with you.

list number one: the weirdest moments guys have chosen to send me "the vibe"

*after i'd outran electricity, "final destiny" style.

*after i put my dog to sleep.

*after dumping me.

*after finding out i was 13 years old.

*after i choked on a piece of orange chicken and coughed it up, sending it flying onto the table in front of me.

*after telling me how their son, who i went to high school with, is doing.

*after telling me a looong story about how they went off their meds, cheated on their wife and spent the weekend smoking pot.

list number two: things i apparently can live without (who knew?)

*diet coke (except when i have a cold and i tell myself diet coke is medicinal. i've been off the coke since may. in my world, that's huge.)

*reality tv (this is the one thing where i'm different than everyone else in america. and europe. and japan. on my best behavior i'm ambivalent. caught at my worst i go on weird, unprincipled rants with no valid point because truthfully i have no idea why i hate reality shows and i'm worried that it's because i hate people. or reality.)

*cereal

*a consistent income (i miss buying shoes)

*facebook

*"glee" (i keep forgetting it exists this season)

list number three: in contrast, things i apparently canNOT live without (who knew?)

*chocolate. (seriously, i can't stop eating it. i can't even go a day. i can't even cut down. and then my absolute lack of willpower bums me out and when i'm bummed out, i eat chocolate. vicious cycle!!)

*interacting with people on a daily basis. (right now i'm spending most of my days at home. this will not be something i do for the rest of ever. i talk to ziggy more than i feel comfortable admitting and eventually he gets bored with me and burrows under a blanket. so then i blatantly talk to myself.)

*tv on dvd. (i've been toying with the idea of giving up tv for a month but i can't commit to doing it. maybe i'll do it during december when the repeats are on.)

list number four: phrases from past conversations that i think could be great band names (read: mediocre indie band names)

*drunken onesies
*lori and the yahoos
*yelling at the dumbheads
*24 hours of geekitude
*single men don't go to heaven
*the essies

and that, kids, is what people did before electricity. they sat around and made lists of potential band names.