Good... And Good for You

yesterday, i was chit chatting with some random people before church started and, since i didn’t know the guy who was sitting next to me, i introduced myself. “i’m kat, by the way.” “i’m buddy” -- interjection #1: i go to a ward of 800+ people. it’s chaotic and crowded and pheromonic, and the odds of casually running into someone you want to run into are slim to none. fate doesn’t bring you your new best friends, you have to put actual effort and scheming into finding people.-- -- interjection #2: but of course, fate ALWAYS has time to screw with me.-- -- interjection #3: knowing this, i immediately knew whom fate had seated next to me.-- “buddy, what’s your last name?” “jones.” sigh… “do you know [my boss. the boss. the first name on the firm's letterhead.]?” “... oh... you’re THAT kat.” “yep. i am.” “... i didn’t plan this!” “i don’t even know how you would plan this.” [awkward silence. church starts] okay. why don’t we rewind a couple of months? ...

i was summoned for jury duty today. i walked in all cocky because there was no way an attorney would put a know-it-all paralegal on a jury. i mean, come on. i know just enough about the law to be obnoxious. so my plan was to sit as patiently as i could through voire dire and then buy a giant cookie with my juror monies once i was dismissed. after filling out a questionnaire (where i wrote my job title in really big print and was as vague as ethically possible about my newspaper/magazine-reading habits) and pretending to listen to the clerk talk about the joys and wonders of jury duty (and also about air travel tips because i guess she used to work for an airline), we watched an instruction video. the video showed a trial and i thought to myself, “hu. how do i know that judge?” and i thought about it for a second. and then i looked over at the man sitting next to me. then up at the tv judge. over at the guy next to me. he finally leaned over and said, “that’s a handsome j...

part of being a human woman is dealing with creeps. thankfully, in my very safe corner of the world, dealing with creeps is annoying and sometimes degrading, but rarely dangerous. so as a human woman, i've developed a way to deal with creeps so i can move on with my life. i tend to cope by diffusing the situation. genuine creepers get off on a woman's discomfort and so i refuse to let them see my discomfort and i react as condescending and maternal as possible towards them. it usually works. most of the time i'm able to take control of the situation and extricate myself. here's my example. yesterday, i went to the sheepdog trials in midway. and a random vendor came up to me and handed me an ipod, took my arm, and said, "come with me." he started to lead me towards a booth that said, "massages" and - because i hate massages-  i said, "oh! no thank you." and tried to hand him the ipod back. he wouldn't take the ipod and he didn't ...

Every week I give my niece "guitar lessons." I think we're making a lot of progress.

i have a really hard time dealing with rejection. and ya, sure, don’t we all? but even after 20ish years of liking boys, i just haven’t figured out the whole resiliency thing. i swear i’m trying. i’m trying to put myself out there more and risk being rejected because, frankly, the guys i’m interested do not notice me and i’m tired of going out with guys who are basically a yawn in corporeal form. when i say that i’m trying to be less ambiguous with the guys i’m interested in, i mean that i actually let them see that i like them so that when they don’t ask me out, i know it’s because they’re not interested, and not because i purposely ignored them for a month so that they wouldn’t know i like them. and then a year goes by and i’m still waiting for them to call me and say something like, “wow! i’m so impressed by how indifferent you are to me! let’s go out!!” so, ya, that’s my goal. and i kind of hate it. worst goal ever. because so far, i’m getting rejected. which makes...

a buddy of mine asked me to go on a group date with him tonight. i haven’t been on a group date since college. but don’t worry! they haven’t changed. a group of us drove up to millcreek canyon and made tinfoil dinners. five couples. four of the five guys live together (my date was the odd man out), and each of them brought a girl who was way too cute for them (my date was not the odd man out… kidding!). we made tin foil dinners and sat around the bonfire and chit-chatted and then there was a lull in the conversation. one of the guys said, “ok, ladies. we’re gonna do a skit for you.” and i laughed because, haha, good times. remember when we were 17 and did stuff like that? but then he was like, “okay, come on guys. let’s do a skit.” and the guys stood up and conferenced with each other for a second and then... well… they did a skit. and then they did a second one. and then one of the other guys showed us a game he learned in scouting. and then someone proposed tha...

a few months ago i won a free botox treatment. actually, i won either my choice of a botox treatment or a latisse treatment. both options scared me, but eventually i decided to get botox. i hear two questions come back at me through the internets. 1- why? and 2- why??? you guys ask such good questions. mostly because i can’t imagine ever paying for botox. i don’t mind wrinkles, especially smile lines. also, i’m in my 30’s so i don’t have a lot of wrinkles to worry about. but i’m curious about it. and it was free. so i decided to inject poison into my face in an attempt to hold on to my fading beauty-- for science. anyhoodle- i got 5 injections right between my eyebrows by an expressionless, duck-faced nurse  who calmly told me not to bend over or lay back for the next 8 hours so that the botox wouldn’t move around. i worry that maybe you skimmed over that paragraph. again, the duck-faced nurse told me not to bend over because the poison in my face wo...

i posted an announcement for a service activity on my ward’s facebook page. two seconds later, some random dude sent me a message… dude: hi. [i wait 15 minutes for additional information. nothing comes.] me: hi there! are you emailing about tomorrow’s activity? dude: no i just thought you were cute. so don’t worry, you guys. all’s right with the world. because i’m cute. i know you thought i was trying to single-handedly plan and promote a weekly service activity at an assisted living center. i know. but... c’mon. i think we can all agree that deep down i was really just hoping that someone would notice how cute i am. because that is my goal in life at all times. and honestly? i’m relieved that someone finally had enough courage and natural charisma to point it out in the most flattering way possible: a two-letter facebook message. and -truly- i just hope my gratitude and, above all else, cuteness came across in my lack of response to him.

i don't fail. and i don't mean that in an "i'm so brilliant and talented" kind of way. actually, i should probably phrase it this way instead: i don't know how to fail. i don't do things that i'm bad at. if i think i might fail, i don't try. this is something that i've tried to confront in the last few years. i have forced myself to try things even though i might not be good at them. and it's been a really, really good thing because i've realized that for the most part, it's okay to be mediocre. it's also been good for me because i've realized that when i put in the effort, even though i'm not brilliant, i rarely fail. having to put effort into something isn't a sign of weakness. and i wish i'd learned this a long time ago. BUT i've been doing my final round of paralegalness, which involves 5 mega tests. i've been putting in the effort and studying and trying... and there's a pretty good chance...

i used to think that i didn't hold grudges. which, in my mind, meant that i was a forgiving person. but i actually think that i've just had a really, really lucky blend of personality and circumstance where, in the instances when i felt like someone has "wronged" me, i didn't really have to deal with it. i just told myself, "okay. relationship over. i'm going to find a new friend." the first time i can remember this happening was in the second grade. my best friend sarah started hanging out with the new girl in our class instead of me and it hurt my feelings. so i stopped hanging out with sarah in any capacity and found a new best friend. distancing myself has always been a thing that works for me. the other thing is empathy/accountability. i've always been able to see the other person's side of the conflict and see my part in it. and once you have that, it's pretty hard to think of that other person as pure evil. my point is that i r...

the other night, this guy introduced me to his friend by saying, “this is kat. she’s hilarious.” i love that compliment. and also sometimes i hate that compliment because it has rarely, if ever, meant, “this is kat. i find her super attractive.” it’s more synonymous with, “this is kat. she’s a goofball and i’m actively friend-zoning her as we speak.” which is fine because here's the thing: i am a goofball. and i go back and forth trying to decide how important that is to me. i don't know that i'll be able to succinctly get my point across, so bear (bare? (i think it's bear)) with me. in my opinion, a big part of life is figuring out 1. who we are/who we want to be, 2. what aspects about ourselves we like or dislike, 3. what others like or dislike about us, and then 4. taking all that information and deciding all over again who we are/who we want to be. it's a subtle balance of self-acceptance and personal growth. i have no problem wi...

a lot of people, when they meet me, ask me if i used to play either basketball or volleyball. because i’m 5’11”. and i hate telling them "sorry, no." because when i do, they always give me this very maternal, scolding look. like i’ve squandered my potential. and here's the thing that i can never seem to make random strangers understand in a two minute conversation: i didn’t have talent. i didn’t have athleticism. i didn't have the eye of the tiger. i had height. that's it. and my height was actually kind of a detriment because i never really got to learn how to play basketball or volleyball. i never got a chance to suck and have it be okay to suck. because everyone saw my height and assumed i’d be awesome. the first day of gym class, people would see me and pick me first for their team and when you're first-picked, even average skill is a huge let down. not that i had average skill. i had (have) one move. i call it "the king...

the other day i asked my 5-year-old niece, “hey, what is your resolution this year?” my niece: what does "resolution" mean? me: it's like goal. what's your goal for this year? niece: what does "goal" mean? me: it means, like, what is something that you want to do this year? niece: oh! i want to get magic freeze powers like elsa. me: ... well okay then.   now, before you start judging her for setting an unattainable resolution, i'd just like to point out that in two weeks my gym will empty but it will  still be cold outside.

things that must go. hashtaggers. you're killing me. married couples that look like each other. somewhat connected: married couples that look like each other and the wife is wearing her husband's clothes. people commenting on how tall i am. do you guys have something that physically defines you? like, when people meet you, you can feel them noticing that feature? everyone has something. my thing is my tallness. and sometimes i wish i could go for even a day without somebody commenting on it. meetings. i don't care what the meeting is about, it's a waste of time. just email me. people who ask me how i stay skinny and then look at me like i'm a jerk when i tell them that i work out five nights a week and i don't eat sugar.  all the geek conventions in salt lake. that's right, i said it!! comic con. fantasy con. fanx. it's too much. pick one thing and make it jam-packed full of awesome. ok. i'm done now.