Good... And Good for You

i posted an announcement for a service activity on my ward’s facebook page. two seconds later, some random dude sent me a message… dude: hi. [i wait 15 minutes for additional information. nothing comes.] me: hi there! are you emailing about tomorrow’s activity? dude: no i just thought you were cute. so don’t worry, you guys. all’s right with the world. because i’m cute. i know you thought i was trying to single-handedly plan and promote a weekly service activity at an assisted living center. i know. but... c’mon. i think we can all agree that deep down i was really just hoping that someone would notice how cute i am. because that is my goal in life at all times. and honestly? i’m relieved that someone finally had enough courage and natural charisma to point it out in the most flattering way possible: a two-letter facebook message. and -truly- i just hope my gratitude and, above all else, cuteness came across in my lack of response to him.

i don't fail. and i don't mean that in an "i'm so brilliant and talented" kind of way. actually, i should probably phrase it this way instead: i don't know how to fail. i don't do things that i'm bad at. if i think i might fail, i don't try. this is something that i've tried to confront in the last few years. i have forced myself to try things even though i might not be good at them. and it's been a really, really good thing because i've realized that for the most part, it's okay to be mediocre. it's also been good for me because i've realized that when i put in the effort, even though i'm not brilliant, i rarely fail. having to put effort into something isn't a sign of weakness. and i wish i'd learned this a long time ago. BUT i've been doing my final round of paralegalness, which involves 5 mega tests. i've been putting in the effort and studying and trying... and there's a pretty good chance...

i used to think that i didn't hold grudges. which, in my mind, meant that i was a forgiving person. but i actually think that i've just had a really, really lucky blend of personality and circumstance where, in the instances when i felt like someone has "wronged" me, i didn't really have to deal with it. i just told myself, "okay. relationship over. i'm going to find a new friend." the first time i can remember this happening was in the second grade. my best friend sarah started hanging out with the new girl in our class instead of me and it hurt my feelings. so i stopped hanging out with sarah in any capacity and found a new best friend. distancing myself has always been a thing that works for me. the other thing is empathy/accountability. i've always been able to see the other person's side of the conflict and see my part in it. and once you have that, it's pretty hard to think of that other person as pure evil. my point is that i r...

the other night, this guy introduced me to his friend by saying, “this is kat. she’s hilarious.” i love that compliment. and also sometimes i hate that compliment because it has rarely, if ever, meant, “this is kat. i find her super attractive.” it’s more synonymous with, “this is kat. she’s a goofball and i’m actively friend-zoning her as we speak.” which is fine because here's the thing: i am a goofball. and i go back and forth trying to decide how important that is to me. i don't know that i'll be able to succinctly get my point across, so bear (bare? (i think it's bear)) with me. in my opinion, a big part of life is figuring out 1. who we are/who we want to be, 2. what aspects about ourselves we like or dislike, 3. what others like or dislike about us, and then 4. taking all that information and deciding all over again who we are/who we want to be. it's a subtle balance of self-acceptance and personal growth. i have no problem wi...

a lot of people, when they meet me, ask me if i used to play either basketball or volleyball. because i’m 5’11”. and i hate telling them "sorry, no." because when i do, they always give me this very maternal, scolding look. like i’ve squandered my potential. and here's the thing that i can never seem to make random strangers understand in a two minute conversation: i didn’t have talent. i didn’t have athleticism. i didn't have the eye of the tiger. i had height. that's it. and my height was actually kind of a detriment because i never really got to learn how to play basketball or volleyball. i never got a chance to suck and have it be okay to suck. because everyone saw my height and assumed i’d be awesome. the first day of gym class, people would see me and pick me first for their team and when you're first-picked, even average skill is a huge let down. not that i had average skill. i had (have) one move. i call it "the king...

the other day i asked my 5-year-old niece, “hey, what is your resolution this year?” my niece: what does "resolution" mean? me: it's like goal. what's your goal for this year? niece: what does "goal" mean? me: it means, like, what is something that you want to do this year? niece: oh! i want to get magic freeze powers like elsa. me: ... well okay then.   now, before you start judging her for setting an unattainable resolution, i'd just like to point out that in two weeks my gym will empty but it will  still be cold outside.

things that must go. hashtaggers. you're killing me. married couples that look like each other. somewhat connected: married couples that look like each other and the wife is wearing her husband's clothes. people commenting on how tall i am. do you guys have something that physically defines you? like, when people meet you, you can feel them noticing that feature? everyone has something. my thing is my tallness. and sometimes i wish i could go for even a day without somebody commenting on it. meetings. i don't care what the meeting is about, it's a waste of time. just email me. people who ask me how i stay skinny and then look at me like i'm a jerk when i tell them that i work out five nights a week and i don't eat sugar.  all the geek conventions in salt lake. that's right, i said it!! comic con. fantasy con. fanx. it's too much. pick one thing and make it jam-packed full of awesome. ok. i'm done now.

last night, i had dinner with my family. afterwards, we watched "wait until dark" which i'm sure you'll agree is a fantastic movie. but even though your cinematic tastes are already in harmony with mine, i'm still going to tell you why "wait until dark" is so awesome: 60's, henry mancini music. is that a harpsichord? (i would say that the harpsichord was the keytar of the 60's. and i would also say that autotune is the keytar of right now.) (also, do you remember the lap harp? where did THAT go?)   audrey hepburn's hair. alan arkin playing three characters or, more precisely, playing one character who plays two additional characters. the complete jerk of a husband (not actually an argument for the movie being fantastic, just something i wanted to point out. seriously, he's a jerk) who doesn't run to his blind wife after she miraculously outsmarts three murderous heroin dealers. "i'm over here... come to me... hot...