thanksgiving 2004: adventures in boobery

crazy cousin once removed: [mid rant about "nam"] it's like marlon brando said in "apoclypse now"... "the horror! the horror!!"
me: ...um... ya... i've never seen "apolcypse now". too heart of darknessy.
ccor: are you being a smartass?
me: are you being a dumbass?
dad: [snoring in recliner]
ccor: are you dating any boys? or girls?
me: no. [walk over to mom, grandma, and great-aunt]
great aunt: walmart is putting small stores out of business.
grandma: i got this ring at walmart!
ccor: i know why you're not dating anyone. [grabs my butt] you've gotten fat.
me: gasp!
mom: i bet a 2 carat diamond engagement ring would make you seem thinner.
me: [speechlessness]
ccor: i bet 2 big melons would make you seem thinner.
me: [wishing the ground would swallow me up]
g-ma: you and i don't have to wear bras!

and then i died.