Good... And Good for You

i'm going to reveal something about myself that i'm sure none of you know... i'm insecure about my height. i know, i know. shocking. i suppose there were signs... like my extensive flip flop collection, and my fear of standing next to those measuring tape things on the doors at 7/11, and my refusal to join the ward choir because they'd make me stand in the back with the boys... and although i manage to keep my insecurity hidden under a very thick blanket of smoothness and grace, it's there. sitting. latent. but ready to pounce. like a tiger. or something else equally pouncey. it pounced the other day. when i was invited to go salsa dancing this weekend. oh! which reminds me. there's something else i'm sure none of you know... i have a love of "the dance" . i know, i know. i'm just full of surprises today. i love dancing. i love it in all forms. i love to dance at clubs. i love to dance by myself while i'm cleaning. i love to foxtrot, and sw...

stuck in my head: "the farmer in the dale". i used to feel bad for the cheese standing alone. who am i kidding. i usually was the cheese. reason 17 why i should probably get health insurance sometime soon... this morning i woke up, got out of bed and stepped on the gift my cousin gave me this past thanksgiving . . . only boring people have all 10 toes.

this may or may not be a sick, sad distraction tactic because i have writer's block. you be the judge. a lot of times you don't realize how much fun you're having at the time... ...and you don't realize how amazing your family is at the time ... ...and you don't realize how amazing being by yourself can be at the time ... when it comes to being "in the moment" i hope everyone's not as idiotic as me. thank goodness for cameras.

listen. all i'm saying is that when you watch " take care of my cat ", " rize " and " bride and prejudice " in a 24 hour period, you're bound to have some strange dreams. that's all i'm saying.

stuck in my head: "no life without wife" (from the movie "bride and prejudice") i don't want to talk about it. reason #3 billion why my family could kick your family's trash... i was talking on the phone with my grandmother yesterday and she was telling me a story about how she spent an hour trying to thread her sewing machine and couldn't do it and then she said, "so anyways, i've decided that when i die you'll get my sewing machine." and i was all, "wait. what?" "when i die, i want you to have my sewing machine." "but i don't sew." "i told your mother that i want you to have it." "but i don't sew." "i'll leave the instructions for the sewing machine inside the drawer." "but... sigh... thanks grandma." "you're welcome."

this is what the typical human brain looks like... in contrast, this is my brain... any questions?

my " me me me list"... Five Movies You Can Watch Over and Over: 1. "what's up doc" 2. "sleepless in seattle" 3. "billy madison" 4. "zoolander" 5. "the incredibles" Five embarrassing Songs that You Know All the Words To: 1. "shoop" salt n peppa 2. "the big butt song" sir mixalot 3. "oh canada" 4. "sunrise, sunset" fiddler on the roof 5. "let's hear it for the boy" footloose Five Memorable Halloween Costumes: 1. i don't remember any of my halloween costumes pre-turning 20. i think i was a gypsy once when i was like 6. 2. angel (age 20) 3. member of the rock band "table 9" (age 21) 4. tooth fairy (age 23) 5. cleopatra (age 24) Five Celebrities You Believe May Secretly be Alien: 1. al roker 2. flavor flav 3. nick nolte 4. charo 5. dennis rodman Five Occupations that You Know You Could Never Do: 1. rapper 2. door-to-door salesman 3. entomologist 4. supe...

ok. so this one time in high school, this guy asked me to go to a dance. and apparently he knew i hadn't been asked to it yet. so he asked me. and apparently i told him i couldn't go because i'd already made plans to go spend the weekend with my sister who was at college in provo. but apparently he knew that was a big, fat lie. because apparently i hadn't made the plans until after he had asked me to the dance. and aren't i a jerk. a lousy, dirty jerk. you know, and i'm really glad i can tell you folks this story today because... well... i'd forgotten it. but apparently this guy has not. and when he runs into people who know me, apparently he likes to tell them that story. about how i said no to a date. SEVEN FRICKIN' YEARS AGO!! ! !! sometimes i forget the effect i have on men. it is my gift, but also my curse. seriously though, i'm trying to think of something i'm still bitter about from high school...

s m t mz th ngk th ngz w d b môr klîr f r t f -n t k -l . n sometizzles i think th'n would be pusha if i wrote like snoop dizzogg. fo shizzle. A nd oft times I am wholly convinced I would appear progressively genteel if I perchance were to epistolize in the style of the B ronte sisters. and sometimes i think things would be p r e t t i e r if i wrote in t e c h n i c o l o r . but mostly i think, "what should i eat for lunch?"

a few days ago i was small talking with someone i'd just met and in my attempt at witty bantering i used the word "insouciant", and the conversation came to an immediate halt. "what did you say?" "um... insouciant. hehe... so anyways..." "insouci-what?" "insouciant." "i have never heard that word before!" "it's no big deal. it's just a word i use sometimes." "what does it mean?" "um... like, nonchalant. or carefree." "hu." "so, anyways..." "how do you spell it?" "i don't know. i-n-s-o-u--something. s-i-e-n-t. or maybe c-i-e-n-t." "here, let me write it down. is it french?" "i don't know. "i have never heard that word before!" "okay." and then he stood up and walked away. i have got to work on my people skills. seriously. maybe there's a class i can take or something. like a "how to not scare ...

today's emoticons are trite, insipid, and jejune. we all know it. we all sit in our cubicles, secretly im-ing on precious company time, wishing there was something to make our anecdotes more vivid, our days fuller, our lives worth living again! which is why it gives me great pleasure to offer you emoti kat s *! "just like emoticons but with kat!" ** they make even the most bizarre story more interesting. just watch... i went to a job interview on monday. jeremy led me back into a big glass office, sat down in his desk, and stared at me. "tell me about yourself", he said. i put on my "trying to make a good first impression" face... "well... i was born and raised in salt lake city but i moved out here for school and now i work at a chocolate factory where i design their packaging. but mostly i just eat chocolate." jeremy stared, his gold chains gleaming in the office light. i kept going. "um... i have one older sister who lives in boston. ...

i have a bad habit of reading the msn articles from the sidebar of hotmail.com even though i know they will undoubtedly suck. i'm so weak. but today's sidebar had no effect on me whatsoever because i already know all the " great ways to end a date ", thank you very much. you're talking to the world's most experienced date end er. there's the old "i have to give my sister a ride to work reeeally early tomorrow" line. or the "i just had my dog euthanized and i'm about to start crying" line. but if you ask me, "lines" are for amateurs. the truly great ways to end a date take absolute commitment to the art of dating pariahnism. choking on a piece of orange chicken and having to self administer the heimlech. remembering to wear the newly purchased sheer shirt, but forgetting to wear a bra. pretending to fall asleep. really falling asleep. sobbing uncontrollably in the middle of "borne identity"... seriously? the hotma...