Good... And Good for You

yesterday morning i had no choice but to fight to the death the kind of "fight to the death" where no one actually... you know... dies with gigantor name chosen by me and in no way meant to be ironic, like how my  cousin sometimes calls me "tiny" and then walks off laughing . i was of course forced to retreat go to work after our first meeting, for you see i had been caught unaware and unprepared and, well, unarmed . i couldn't help wondering how gigantor had gotten into my bedroom in the first place since i keep my bedroom door and window closed at all times. it may have been a miracle not a miracle in the strictest sense . or even in the lenient sense like when i was 21 and "miracles" kept on happening like the "miracle of the stray cat" and the "miracle of the snickers bar in the fridge" which all ended up tracing back to my crazy ex quasi boyfriend who had boundary issues , but i suspected foul play not foul play in the stri...

stuck in my head: "we will rock you" somebodybettah'putyoubackintoyourPLACE! reason 34 why i love the internet... i found this today. and even though i try and steer away from blaming "the media" for my problems in their entirety (i like to blame my issues on the more literal forces in my life... like boyfriends... and parents...), making the model's love handles appear and disappear filled me with a nice, warm, glowy kind of a feeling.

if my blog were a novel, you know... about me, i would imagine that snippets of if would sound something like this... as she sat ("she" being me. "me" being the narrator and the end-all-be-all of this blog, whose bias you have to assume is accurate) waiting for church to begin, she realized that she sat alone in her pew and was in fact alone in the chapel. examining all the possibilities she decided that the rest of her ward must have seen her walk in and hidden behind the podium as part of an elaborately cruel joke. so she went home and watched "buffy". if my blog were a soap opera, you know... about me, i'd imagine it would go something like this... me: how is this possible? how?? how??? dirk: pull yourself together!! (slaps me in the face) me: this is all your fault! you had it in for me the minute i walked through those doors and i knew it! i knew it the minute i looked into your eyes. i knew that our mutual passion could only end in ruination a...

stuck in my head: "walk like an egyptian" oh-oh-wee-oh reason 2 why taking a 3 times a week yoga class after 6 months of complete and total non movement might not have been the smartest move i've ever made... ow. um, seriously. we're talking the "if i sit here and don't make any sudden movements, maybe every single muscle in my back will forgive me... with time" kind of ow.

taking a break. see ya next week.

if you were to talk to me on the phone or receive an email from me you would notice that i'm a tad monotone and if you then did a little research into the matter you would discover that for the last week i've been doing really strange things like eating fruit and thinking very very seriously about exercizing and if you delved deep enough you would then realize than i am, in point of fact, noncaffeinated. for maybe, like, the 4th time in my life. truthfully though, you probably haven't spoken on the phone with me or received an email, because in the past week i've had even less attention span than usual. and i keep on finding myself drifting off in the middle of

i love that when celebrities date they, as a couple, get a new name. their coupledom becomes its own entity, and instead of having to keep track of both brad pitt AND angelina jolie, i only have to worry about "brangelina". it's such a load off my mind. and really, something that should be used in real life. who cares about my married/dating friends individually. let's combine their names. so much easier, and i'm betting a lot cheaper come christmas. and in closing, i'd like to especially thank "tomkat" for opening my eyes to a whole new realm of possibilities. i already knew how lucky i'd be if i married mr. call or mr. walk, but now i see that i could make a go of it with any "tom". or "bob". or, if i'm really lucky, "shadow". and even if i choose to switch teams, i'd still have my options open with an "allie". . . . I'M SO BORED!

if i lived my life the way i drove, i'm pretty sure i'd be queen of some small country .... or else i'd be in prison. if i lived my life according to what songs got stuck in my head, i'm pretty sure my name would be "janie" and i'd have a gun. if i lived my life the way i draw, i'm pretty sure i'd be a manic depressive brunette staring at an inanimate object (hu... ok, that one's pretty accurate). i don't really have a point.