buzz off

yesterday morning i had no choice but to fight to the death the kind of "fight to the death" where no one actually... you know... dies with gigantor name chosen by me and in no way meant to be ironic, like how my  cousin sometimes calls me "tiny" and then walks off laughing. i was of course forced to retreat go to work after our first meeting, for you see i had been caught unaware and unprepared and, well, unarmed. i couldn't help wondering how gigantor had gotten into my bedroom in the first place since i keep my bedroom door and window closed at all times. it may have been a miracle not a miracle in the strictest sense. or even in the lenient sense like when i was 21 and "miracles" kept on happening like the "miracle of the stray cat" and the "miracle of the snickers bar in the fridge" which all ended up tracing back to my crazy ex quasi boyfriend who had boundary issues, but i suspected foul play not foul play in the strictest sense. or even in the lenient sense like when i was 21 and foul play usually traced back to my ex quasi boyfriend who had boundary issues. when i arrived home after work i knew that there would be no turning back, that this was the moment of truth, that it was now or never and all the other cliches that would be thought at a time like this. i entered my room and quickly spotted it. it had indeed grown even larger and more grotesque during my absence. we looked at each other for quite some time, both daring the other to make the first move. the silence was unbearable. the tension could be cut with a knife but not the sexual tension. that was nonexistent. i could take it no longer. i grabbed an empty cup, let out a blood curdling ew war cry, and charged, catching gigantor off guard and trapping him inside the cup i believe it was a hogi yogi cup. you know, styrofoam. tough. good stuff. i dropped to the floor, weary from the encounter. and here we are at the crux of my tale. after all was said and done, i didn't have the heart to kill such a worthy opponent plus there was a whole ick factor. i could hear it in its efforts to free itself from its styrofoamy prison and knew it's journey was far from over. so i took prison and prisoner outside, released one from the other, squealed and ran back inside.
that's right gigantor, leave... to fight another day.

um... maybe i should mention that i've been watching a lot of "buffy the vampire slayer" lately.
but at least i didn't get stung and i'd say that puts my in the plus column.