Good... And Good for You

i lie. i lie all the time. i found out i was a dirty rotten liar during the brunt of twentyishness when i lived with spliz and wee em . one day spliz came home and announced she had "accidentally lied" to which wee em and i rolled our eyes and said something snarky because seriously how do you "accidentally" lie to someone... oh wait... i do it all the time. i was working late last wednesday and one of the very nice, very overworked kids from the back wandered up to my office to say hi and how was i doing and guess what. "what?" "i brought something for you today. it's in my car." he disappeared and came back with a cheesecake. an exquisite new york cheesecake he had made from scratch. "wow", said i. wow indeed, for i hate cheesecake. i am repulsed by cheesecake. it makes me sick and i have this quirk where i don't like to eat stuff that makes me want to vomit. unless it has chocolate in it. but see, let's go back a little ...

now hear this! when my mangled, lifeless body is pulled from the twisted steel that was my two-door car, please know my tragic and untimely death was most certainly at the hands of a ford expedition. stupid big cars.

grandma: are you still taking you water pills? great aunt: what ? grandma: your water pills! great aunt: vitamins? grandma: what ? great aunt: vitamins! mom: no, mom wants to know if you're still taking your water pills. great aunt: oh... yah*. grandma: what ? great aunt: yah! grandma: oh... me too. great aunt: what ? grandma: me too! great aunt: oh. me: grandma, i was at the bookstore last weekend and i found your favorite book! grandma: what ? great aunt: your favorite book! grandma: oh... which one? me: "lady chatterley's lover"! grandma and great aunt: oh my! me: i know. i was going to buy it for you! great aunt: oh my! grandma: i already own it! great aunt: what ? grandma: i own it! great aunt: oh... me too. grandma: what ? great aunt: me too! grandma: oh. carolyn: you both own it? great aunt: it's a classic! me: it is? well there was a naked lady on the cover. grandma: what ? me: naked lady! grandma: oh... well, there are no naked women in the book! great ...

last night i laid in bed and stared at my ceiling, wondering exactly what kind of dog my upstairs neighbors own and is there a specific type of dog bred to run back and forth and back and forth every night at midnight kind of like a rooster... except different in every conceivable way and if so why did they have to buy that breed of dog? "ceiling," i said, "remind me to buy some earplugs... and also some apples. and some lotion. and a vowel... hehe... why is nobody ever around for gems like that?" i think my ceiling was secretly judging me. we in the chocolate biz 're nearing the home stretch of that certain, special time of year where things are busy and i spend 9 to 10 hours a day with some very very tense people. responsively, i cope by grinching up (seriously. i hate christmas.) and eating a lot of fast food and gaining weight and silently hating myself and becoming incapable of focusing on any thing or any one for any measurable period of time. there ...

because i needed a break from ingredient information... i always wondered which marx brother i looked like.

a girl from high school sat down next to me yesterday so i said, "i don't know if you remember me but we went to high school together. i'm kat." she said, "ya, i remember you." and then abruptly turned away and stared at the chair in front of her. it was weird. my sister, who was sitting on the other side of me, was amused. moving on. next in what is becoming my overwhelmingly unpopular "card of the day" series i give you... because i believe few things in life are more honestly expressive of our inner climate than how we choose to style "wooly willy's" magnet hair, whiskers, and eyebrows. i personally went for a you-will-go-to-sleep-or-i-will-put-you-to-sleep-you're-in-my-world-now-grandma kind of a look...

dingdong: kat! me: [take off head phones] dingdong: i have to tell you something! me: what? dingdong: the sun is setting! me: ... it does that. dingdong: i can see the sunset colors in my office! me: ... good for you. -la end sidenote: her window faces east. continuing on with the flashcards of friendship , i bring you the "quote of the day" card... please don't be shy.

if you would all take this, fill it out and give it to me the next time you see me, or send it to: kat p.o. box 1962 orem, ut 84059 then i promise to both read it and care about how you are doing. but probably not until january.