pirates

i'm completely addicted to pirate news. can't get enough of it.
let's explore why...

first, i've never understood what navy seals do. i knew they existed. i assumed they did stuff, but i never heard about the stuff they were doing and i'm not going to lie to you- the silence scares me. hearing about their awesome captain-rescuing skills comforted me a little bit although it did little to nothing to diminish the image i have of demi moore shaving her head in "g.i. jane".

second, it totally made me laugh when the pirates were all, "why would you kill us? we are OUTRAGED that you would kill three of the men who kidnapped and held that ship captain for ransom and tried to take away food and aid you were sending to our starving countrymen. OUTRAGED! what did we ever do to you?? well. now we're going to have to crack down. you've forced us to. this is all your fault really. from now on, when we attack an unarmed vessel, we're going to kill everyone. because fair is fair."

which, by the way, third, why are these food/aid vessels still floating around unarmed? dude. america loves guns. we love them. i watched this "60 minutes" report on sunday about it and we love our guns automatic and unregulated. so when we send food aid through pirate infested waters during a time when pirates have vowed to avenge the deaths of their innocent comrades who were just holding that guy captive until they got their millions of dollars, why are we not arming the boat with a navy seal? or at the very least coconut bombs.
or a pit with a tiger in it?

ya, fourth, my idea of pirates has been shaped by a childhood spent watching "swiss family robinson".


not to say this situation isn't serious, but with everything else in the news that i will never be able to understand because the economy makes no sense and north korea is confusing and a "tea party" is the lamest thing to call a protest ever unless you're actually protesting a tax on tea by dumping it into a harbor (which was very rock and roll), pirates PIRATES should be an easy win. when it comes to a show of force and an ocean full of potential collateral damage... isn't that what we're supposed to be good at?

Comments

Heather said…
As a decendent of an actual (and Walt Disney sanctioned) pirate, I feel I should speak on behalf of the pirates:

Pirates are idiots and not really great at being organized or well-planned- hence the desire to become a PIRATE.

Also, mutiny is one of my favorite words in the English language.
Chris said…
It's actually against the law to arm merchant vessels. These shippers can lose their licenses if they go into international waters with guns. How stupid is that?!!
Ann-Marie said…
Can't they just send Johnny Depp out there? he seemed to do just fine in the Caribbean.
Em said…
For somebody who refuses to read or watch the news I find it all too amusing that THIS is what dragged you in. Amusing but not surprising. And I'm totally with you. If Laura's right and shippers really aren't allowed to protect their junk in international waters then it's time to get creative. The tiger pit idea was a good one. Also... what if the cargo is guns? "Don't mind us... we're just delivering needed supplies to your third world country... today they need guns and some hungry tigers... welcome aboard."
Nama said…
And my idea of pirates is Jack Sparrow and his "gang" in "Pirates of the Caribbean." Which highly amuses me when I think of Jack and that one guy with the fake eye ball marauding the seas and I think to myself, "Seriously? Why can't we handle these guys? They're just pirates with fake eyes who dress like Keith Richards!"
The Chad said…
I think I should send you a congratulatory gift basket of unregulated assault rifles for this briliant post.
Shannon said…
Coconut bombs! That was awesome! Great post. It was good to see you the other day-
Chester B. said…
You need to see this movie if you haven't already.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100232/
It's basically the Navy Seals training bible.
matt said…
i suddenly feed the need to race an ostrich and a zebra.