Hairmoting

i read this article the other day on the "dunning-kruger effect."

essentially, it's the idea that when people are unskilled in a certain area, they lack the very skills required to see that they're unskilled.

or, as my dear friend bill mcneal once said, "it is the wise man who knows there is much he does not know." (matthew, nodding, "... i know.")

i would say that the dunning-kruger effect (sometimes, in my mind, i call it the "dunder-mifflin effect") has been kicking my trash the last 4 to 5 (to 9 (to 381)) months.

and i will tell you why.

i decided to take classes at the local community college to become a paralegal. the process of deciding to do it was super random. so random, in fact, that i don't actually remember the impetus for doing it. however, around august, i made up my mind that this was something I wanted to do. i knew i wanted to do it, but- full disclosure (that in no way makes me look sympathetic)- was incredibly embarrassed to be taking classes at a college. i was embarrassed to tell my friends and the people i work with that i was spending time and money on community college paralegal classes because i felt like they would look at me with knit brow and make some sort of judgmental "...hu." noise and then ask me what i'm doing with my life when i could be doing so much more with my brains and my height and my thick, hipster bangs!!

so my first semester i kept things pretty quiet and took one, ridiculously easy class where i didn't really learn anything and sometimes the teacher would forget to even come and i kind of just went about my business.

then the worst thing possible happened. last semester... i had to put actual effort into my classes. i had to, like, learn stuff.

i even got things wrong.

tragedy.

because it turns out that watching "boston legal" does not instill you with actual knowledge of the 14th amendment.

um, also, the word "amendment" is NOT spelled "ammendment." no matter how many years you've spent spelling it that way.

to sum up, it was humbling. i got a glimpse of just how little i know and i did not care for it.

 

if you ask me, the dunning-kruger effect (sometimes, in my mind, i call it the "diane-kruger" effect) is maddening because confidence tends to stem either from expertise or absolute incompetence and, no matter which end of the spectrum you're on, you assume your confidence is stemming from competence. so you never really know if you're an idiot.

and then there's the tragic middle. the quasi-competent. who know just enough to doubt their abilities. when people receive training in an area, but aren't necessarily experts, they tend to underestimate their skills and defer to the people with confidence (whether competent or not), assuming they're equally qualified, if not more so.

maddening.

you can interpret this any way you'd like, or apply it to any subject, but here's how i'm pacifying myself: 

the idea of not knowing my own incompetence completely freaks me out, but, at the same time, the dunning-kruger effect (sometimes, in my mind, i call it the "doogie-howzer" effect (not really, i just wanted a third parenthetical)) weirdly reassures me about my own self doubt  because it shows i at least know enough to know i don't know it all.

and it really makes me feel better about the bigger things i'm not completely confident about. i worry a lot about my emotional maturity and social skills. frankly, i worry that i'm creepy. and annoying. so it's soothing to think that even doubting my social abilities might be proof that i'm at least somewhat socially and emotionally aware. 

sigh. 

i hope.