work it

i almost quit my job yesterday. so close.
my boss... is crazy. he and my supervisor (a term to be applied loosely) spent the entire morning in my office talking to each other about the changes they wanted me to make to a brochure they okayed THE DAY BEFORE!!
boss (to notboss): the brochure, i don't know, seems too... green.
notboss (to boss): it's a spring brochure.
boss (to notboss): it just, it don't know... seems too green.
me: do you want it to be another color?
boss (to notboss): i don't know if i want it another color. it just, i don't know... seems to green.
me: is it because it's solid? i could make a pattern.
boss (to notboss): i don't know if i want a pattern. sigh. i'd have to see the pattern.
me: here. i'll do a pattern and you can tell me if you like it.

i spent 2 hours putting a pattern on this 6 page brochure that was okayed THE DAY BEFORE!
as i finished, my boss and notboss came back into my office...
boss (to notboss): tell me what you think. for the weights of all the items, she's put "oz." for ounces. the periods really stick out to me. it's like "oz PERIOD!" "oz PERIOD!"
me: you want me to take out the periods?
boss (to notboss): i think it would look much better if she took out all the periods.

i spent 15 minutes deleting all offending punctuation.
my boss and lyle came back in...
notboss (to boss): tell me what you think. for the pricing, she's put a space between the $ and the numbers. it's like "$ SPACE! price", "$ SPACE! price"
me: you want me to take out all the spaces?
notboss (to boss): i think it would look much better if she took out all the spaces.

i spent 15 minutes deleting all offending spacing.
my boss and lyle came back in as i went back to adding a pattern to the 6 page brochure they okayed THE DAY BEFORE!!...
boss (to notboss): that looks great.
notboss (to boss): it sure does. but i don't know that there should be a pattern on the back page. that might be a bit much.
boss (to notboss): yep. but do you think she'll be able to do something about that?
me: you do know that i'm in the room, right?
boss (to ME!): what?
notboss (to ME!): hu?
me: i can hear you. because i'm in the room. do you see this?
boss (to notboss): (mocking) oh! she can hear us.
notboss (to boss): (mocking) ya. because she's in the room.
boss (to notboss): (as they walk out) maybe we shouldn't have her do a pattern after all. but it's just... i don't know.. so green.

and then i quit.
i wish i'd quit. it was very creepy. very "silence of the lambs" ("it puts the lotion on. it puts the lotion ON!! and then it makes 30 million minute changes to a brochure that was okayed 24 hours ago!!"). seriously guys. just turn me into a jacket already.

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