holiday

my favorite person to work with at my holiday retail job is "bob". i call her "bob" because that is her name.
a fact which tickles me.
bob never remembers my name but refuses to ask me what it is or say "hey you!" to get my attention. she instead walks up to me, takes me by the shoulders and holds me at arm's length while she reads my name tag. "ah. yes. kathryn... how are you?"

i do not like working with matthew. i am 8 feet taller than him and 32 years older.
he has a plastic tube in his ear and looks up at me like i'm lame. well, he's the lame one. but if he were here right now, he'd say i was lame. no, matthew, you're the lame one. but if he were here, he'd say i was lame.
no way, matthew, you're the lame one.

Comments

Adriane said…
Can I just tell you how much I LOVE to read your blog? Probably not. You would have to see all of the times I snort until my face turns blue and nearly choke to death...
not pretty.
but very convincing.
Anonymous said…
If Matthew is as small as you say, you should put him in your pocket and take him out only when you want to feel good about yourself.
Nama said…
that's a lot of lame.
Spliz said…
I'm just sitting here, reading. reading away, happy as an old reading dog.
Em said…
I got so hungry while reading this that I almost had to eat Tippy...
kat said…
no! not your pet sandwich!

did i ever tell you about my favorite uncle? we called him uncle caveman. because he lived in a cave. and every once and a while he would eat one of us.
later we found out he was a bear.
Chester B. said…
"Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear your partner has been turned into Dracula. Next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham! You just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, 'Think again, batman.'"

This was always my favorite...
matt said…
that's it. i quit.
Fat eSpence said…
Bob, Chuck, Billy Joe, Bobby Sue, when a girl uses a boy name it's cute. When a boy uses a girl name, not so much. The other day I shorted a putt, and my golfing companion said, "Nice one, Janna."