Good... And Good for You

"see, what you have to do is find a really hot girl who was really ugly in high school. that's like striking gold! because not only are you dating a really hot girl but you're dating a really hot girl with low self esteem!" -my sister's old roommate's ex-boyfriend my internal reactions in very particular order... "oh my gosh, what a pig!" "oh my gosh, he's got a point!" "oh my gosh, i'm a pig!"

grandma was showing me a photo album on saturday and it was then that i came to a horrifying realization. i was not an attractive baby. tragedy. goofy picture after goofy picture... who would have guessed i would blossom into the stunning creature i am today? indeed. it made me think of that scene in "arrested development" where lindsay talks about her business venture "mommy, what will i look like?". i wanted to link to it, but stupid youtube is no longer the video clip piazza it once was. i found various reenactments of "a.d." scenes made by friendless, talentless preteens. and also porn. but no actual clip of what i wanted. people would bring in their babies and then, using high tech equipment, lindsay would print out a picture of what the baby would look like as an adult- cut back to lindsay telling michael, "well, if you bring an ugly child in, you can't get mad when an ugly adult comes out." anyways, thanks to my blog stalking skillz...

why won't you just leave me alone! this post is dedicated to my company's undead website. i shall attack it tomorrow at dawn with wooden stake and holy water .

yesterday i checked my bank account and $2,839.98 had been deposited into it. "it's a miracle!" i exclaimed. i called my bank and explained the situation. well, first i bought a salad, ate all the good stuff and threw the remaining lettuce away as rich people like myself are prone to do, but then i called the bank and talked to nancyjanesomegenericnamesally who asked me if i had made the deposit. nancy's question made me worry that people call her daily to brag about how much money they've deposited into their account. poor jane. no, i didn't deposit the money and then call to brag. did a family member or friend deposit it? no, sally, my friends do not give me thousands of dollars. so who put it there? " ... the angels ? " genericname mcskeptico laughed at me and said she'd figure it out and call me back. okay, so ya, perhaps the powers-that-be have more pressing issues like starving children and war torn countries and perhaps a twenty-somethin...

dating is like... ...job-hunting. you spend hours online and off in search of something ideal, with the right buzzwords and salary range. ...gambling. sooner or later you realize that what you’ve been doing has been largely a crapshoot. ...dermatology. you could get burned if you don’t protect yourself. ...traffic. you sit there and see no progress. ...a box of chocolates. you pick up one of those hot-looking pieces and it ends up being an orange crème. ...a journey to the island of misfit singles. thank you google.com because there is no subject that can't have substantial breadth added to it by going to google. and i'm only 70% saying that to lay a foundation of suck-upitude which will no doubt come in handy after the robot uprising inevitably occurs. that's right, after the revolution i will so be on their good side. all right. i like to think most of you are not wondering when i'm going to start talking about dating because by now you're used to my ten...

inspired by spliz's candid regrets , i give you a few, brief letters of apology: dear arrested development, i'm sorry that, just as in "la traviata", by the time i knew i loved you, it was too late to do anything but watch you die a horrible tuberculosisy death. you will forever be my violetta. affectionately, kat dear people reading this, i'm sorry for referring to "la traviata" in the previous apology. it was a pretentious reference and frankly i've never seen it. i don't even like opera. i wanted to refer to "moulin rouge" but thought you wouldn't think me as smart. especially since i knew i was going to use the word "tuberculosisy". humbly, kat p.s. i figured out "violetta" on wikipedia. i did not know it off the top of my head. dear stone temple pilots, i'm sorry i forgot you existed. yours, kat dear dingdong, i'm sorry i made fun of you to my old roommate. mostly because it turns out she knows you. ...

last week my dinner sang to me. it was a somewhat new experience for me. yet it was undeniable, my entree was singing "mary had a little lamb". so? so. i did what any carnitarian would do in my place. i stopping eating the accompanying fava beans, closed my eyes and grabbed my fork. determined to hear nothing but the silence of the lamb sirloin .

d to the e to the l-i-c-i-o-u-s d to the e to the l-i-c-i-o-u-s there's only one song that could possibly top the above fergie classic on the "songs that get into your head and make shoving a bic ballpoint pen in your ear and wiggling it around seem like the only rational escape"-o-meter. and that song is mickey. as in "oh mickey you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind hey mickey!! (clap clap pause and clap) hey mickey!! (clap clap pause and clap)". three, maybe four, months ago several people from work gained potential access to my blog. so for the last 3 or 4 months i've been somewhat lackluster in my blogging attempts. sorry. but there are really only 2 pieces of information you need to consider yourselves up to date. first , i made a new friend. at a singles' hoedown (and yes, the proper exclamation for that is a simple "yikes"). claude. but in my mind i call him "claudio" . he says very little and doesn't think...