alfred

i have had the good fortune to meet a man named alfred.
i use the term "meet" loosely.
as i've never actually spoken to him.

alfred might just be the most fascinating person i've ever encountered.
second only to "the black prince".
i think alfred is german. or austrian. or canadian.
i don't know.
but i do know that he's 137 years old. and i'm pretty sure he works down at the docks.
alfred has no time for nonsense and i like to believe that when i finally get up the nerve to talk to him, he'll use the word "lollygagging".

also, he carries a plastic grocery bag around with him wherever he goes.

********
VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE HENCEFORTH TO BE REFERRED TO AS V.I.U. IN THE INTEREST OF SIMPLIFICATION ALTHOUGH I MAY NEVER HAVE CAUSE TO USE THE ABBREVIATION AGAIN AND THIS OVERLY COMPLICATED EXPLANATION IS WORKING AGAINST MY SIMPLIFICATION GOAL. PLUS SINCE I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPS I FEEL LIKE I'M YELLING AT YOU ACROSS THE WORLD WIDE this just reminded me of an incident a couple of weeks ago where i was teaching my dad how to use mapquest because somehow he'd never heard of it. i can only assume he spent the last 5 years in a closet plugging his ears and rocking back and forth. or, more likely, he's spent the last 5 years, you know, being dad. anyways, it was good for my ego to explain mapquest because it's not often i know something about the internet, but when my dad started typing "www..." i was overcome with irritation. i don't know why. i really don't. i started off about how "nobody types the www part of an address anymore. nobody. it's a waste of time. what are you doing? why are you wasting time?? why do you want to be a giant time waster? why? WHY??" and now i'm yelling again. INTERNET EXPANSE:

hu.
um.
v.i.u.:
i know this is completely unethical, but i felt like i didn't successfully get my description of alfred across. so this morning i video taped him playing chess at the park.
please don't call the police.

Comments

Ann-Marie said…
warriors....come on out and play.....
Nama said…
is he a pirate? because, for some strange reason, this is how i kept picturing alfred while i read this post. aaarrgghh!
Anonymous said…
Is Alfred a figment of your imagination? An idea for a candy box label? If he is real and German, I can picture the plastic bag being strong because European paper bags are strong. When I go to Germany in a month, I'll check and see if I see any 137 year-old men carrying strong plastic bags.
matt said…
WHY ARE WE YELLING?

/chuckle
Jay said…
it's actually better if you type the 'www' and it also saves on processing power if you type 'http://' because then, you are not wasting processing energy and processing time. I always type the 'http://www.' because then my interweb query gets processed faster, because then, the browser and server you are using doesn't have to do it for you.

In the age of everything going 'green' wouldn't it be better for the planet if you DID type 'http://www.'? Save the planet. Type 'http://www.'

F.Y.I.: 'http' stand for HyperText Transfer Protocol. This establishes the protocol that you want to use and the internet knows what you want to do.

F.Y.I.++: 'www' stands for W orld Wide Web. This portion of an internet address tells the server you are using the file you want to query. If no specific file is indicated, then the internet searches the entire world wide web.
Chester B. said…
Man, I bet he's the same guy who came into the BYU barber shop with homemade business cards extolling the evils of the disgusting, filthy habit of gum chewing.
Rach said…
I think Alfred is a good name. And if you add an o, he's absolutely delicious. Especially with shrimp.
Leah said…
I type www. Because I'm old. But not http:// because I'm not as much of a conservationist as Jay.
stephanie said…
jay is lame. I think you should type whatever you want...and Kat, you can yell at whomever you want...