fanmail

hey, it's me! coming to you live from... my desk. glad to not be on a plane and (if i'm being truthful) glad to not be in tennessee anymore. note: when a polygamist sect with a very similar name to your religion gets a lot of media attention, don't vacation in the bible belt.
as with any experience ever there were both good and deplorable moments, but i like to think i gave it a grand ole cowboy try. i even wore cowboy boots.
see? here they are.

coincidentally i'm also demonstrating ballet's first position. it's very hard to do while lying (laying?) in bed.

i've been so busy the last couple of days trying to get caught up on all the shows on abc.com... and nbc.com... and cbs.com... and fox.com... and with my scramble games on facebook that i haven't even had a chance to respond to my daily fanmail.
i wish i there was more time in a day. and i wish even more i had a gorgeous personal assistant to respond to each email on my behalf...
...
..
.
but i have neither.

i thought it might be kind of a fun change of pace to respond to my fanmail via blog today.
kind of a two birds with one stone/seven giants with one blow type of a thing.


from: dgw
I know that you emailed me over a month ago and this is the first time you have heard from me, but I have been a little busy with work and school... Do you know what anyone else is doing? How is E? How is L? How is K, K and A? I don't here form anyone much, well, I haven't heard from anyone in a long time.
dear dgw,
you sound so busy, what with the work and the school. i'm flattered you took the time in your busy schooling working schedule to write to me, although i'm not surprised. you would be amazed how many people find the time to write to me every month. it would blow your mind. i'm very popular.
i'm not exactly sure what e, l, k, k, and a are doing but i expect i'll here form them within the month.
keep plugging away you multi tasker you,
kat

from:pgossage
We aren’t throwing anymore parties for Marie. For the time being at least. I hope everyone had fun though. We’ve just realized that we’re missing a Silver 80 GB Ipod and we’re wondering if anyone accidentally walked off with it. I believe it was playing in the kitchen for a bit. If anyone can remember seeing it or accidentally walked off with it could you please let S or I know. Any information would be greatly appreciated.
dearest pgossage,
thank you for the amazingly tactful implication that i stole your ipod "accidentally". you're right to be suspicious because i tend to turn into a freak at parties. at one party i "accidentally" punched a girl in the face, and another time i hit on a random gay man on behalf of another gay man which turned out to be extremely confusing for all parties involved, and on many occasions i've karaoked "bohemian rhapsody" in my continuing effort to prove that the louder you sing it, the better it sounds.
really, all i'm saying is i understand how kleptomania doesn't seem like too much of a stretch.
unfortunately i have no leads for you on the whereabouts of your 80 gig ipod.
because i wasn't invited to your party.
but give maria my best.
kat

from: anonymous
I read your blog spot. I think I was very much involved in one. Was it about me?
dear anon,
there was a time when i used to write about everyone i knew. i've learned through trial and error and more error and extremely embarassing error to highly filter who and what i write about. i try not to whine about my bosses anymore because i could get fired. i've been asked by family members to not make them look crazy so i've had to stop writing about them. i don't believe in writing about religion or politics or the environment or dating or hiking or dieting or cramps or money or goal setting or people, places, or things.
i try and keep my topics to the mocking of the two living creatures who won't somehow find a way to be offended... myself and my dog.

but yes, it was probably about you.
kisses,
kat

from:dianepslc
12 days from today, all cell phone numbers are being released to
telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sales calls. You will
be charged for these calls. To prevent this, call the following number from
your cell phone--1 888 382-1222. It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It
will only take a few minutes of your time. It blocks your number for 5
years. You must call from the cell phone number you want to have blocked.
You cannot call from a different phone number.

dear mom, er, dianepslc,
... right on.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Kat, I have all sorts of unsent fan letters for you! Where do I send them?
Ann-Marie said…
Dear Kat,
We should hang out sometime. I'm pretty bogged down until May 15th, but after that I could pencil you in.
Your Wigwam Buddy,
Ann-Marie
Anonymous said…
If I get a call from a telemarketer on my cell, I will start to scream and then say OJ was framed. Because he was. I mean, who else but an INNOCENT person would write a very detailed book about a crime you were accused of but didn't commit.
Nama said…
dear kat,

you're my hero. how can i become more like you?

heart,
nama