advice
my mom gives great advice. not that i've ever willingly followed it.
it's not that i disagree with her advice. it's that i'll come to her with a problem and without hesitation, she tells me what i should do. it makes me feel stupid for a second because the answer seems so clear to her, and then i get mad because, hey! i'm not stupid, just young and confused. then i storm off and find the right decision on my own. the fact that my right decision and my mom's right decision almost always coincide isn't the point. although i do spend a lot of energy making it seem like i'm not doing what my mom told me to do.
(example: after i got my belly button pierced, i couldn't think of a way to take it out without making it seem like i was doing what my mom had been ordering me to do for the past 18 months. i finally took it out but didn't tell her. i'm still not sure if she knows.)
the great thing is, i give advice just like my mom. whenever people confide in me, i'm 110% certain how they should act and i know that if they would just do what i tell them, all their problems would be solved.
no doubt in my mind.
but people don't confide in you because they want advice, they confide in you because they want a sounding board. everyone is independent and ferociously protective of their decision making abilities. it's crazy. so i try and have this "no advice" rule where i hide my advice very carefully so as to influence them but not force them into a rebellious frenzy.
it's like when i used to hide a pill in my dogs food so she would eat it.
in order to make everyone swallow my advice, i tell anecdotes from my very full past and how i reacted, and that usually prompts them into making the decision they probably would've made anyways, but with a degree more confidence.
sometimes i slip and go on a "you should..." rampage. it never works and i end up having to put even more effort into cleaning up the bloody aftermath.
is it any wonder then, that when i was encouraged to give some direct and down to earth advice to someone, i wanted to say no? how on earth am i supposed to tell someone what they should do without them drop kicking me out of their apartment? i'm really good at giving subtle hints. why couldn't i have been asked to give lot's of subtle hints? or lead by example! i'm awesome at leading by example. but no, i'm supposed to give some caring, honest, and straightforward help.
groan... maybe tomorrow.
it's not that i disagree with her advice. it's that i'll come to her with a problem and without hesitation, she tells me what i should do. it makes me feel stupid for a second because the answer seems so clear to her, and then i get mad because, hey! i'm not stupid, just young and confused. then i storm off and find the right decision on my own. the fact that my right decision and my mom's right decision almost always coincide isn't the point. although i do spend a lot of energy making it seem like i'm not doing what my mom told me to do.
(example: after i got my belly button pierced, i couldn't think of a way to take it out without making it seem like i was doing what my mom had been ordering me to do for the past 18 months. i finally took it out but didn't tell her. i'm still not sure if she knows.)
the great thing is, i give advice just like my mom. whenever people confide in me, i'm 110% certain how they should act and i know that if they would just do what i tell them, all their problems would be solved.
no doubt in my mind.
but people don't confide in you because they want advice, they confide in you because they want a sounding board. everyone is independent and ferociously protective of their decision making abilities. it's crazy. so i try and have this "no advice" rule where i hide my advice very carefully so as to influence them but not force them into a rebellious frenzy.
it's like when i used to hide a pill in my dogs food so she would eat it.
in order to make everyone swallow my advice, i tell anecdotes from my very full past and how i reacted, and that usually prompts them into making the decision they probably would've made anyways, but with a degree more confidence.
sometimes i slip and go on a "you should..." rampage. it never works and i end up having to put even more effort into cleaning up the bloody aftermath.
is it any wonder then, that when i was encouraged to give some direct and down to earth advice to someone, i wanted to say no? how on earth am i supposed to tell someone what they should do without them drop kicking me out of their apartment? i'm really good at giving subtle hints. why couldn't i have been asked to give lot's of subtle hints? or lead by example! i'm awesome at leading by example. but no, i'm supposed to give some caring, honest, and straightforward help.
groan... maybe tomorrow.
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