thanksgiving flashback

thanksgiving is notoriously the worst day of my year, and when it's not the worst, it's the weirdest.
here's a snippet of last year's dinner conversation...

carolyn: i re-read "the house of the spirits". it was so dirty. i don't remember it being that dirty in high school.
mom: of course it's dirty. that's why the parents didn't want you reading it at west high.
dad: what book?
carolyn: "the house of the spirits".
mom: that and "grendel"
me: i never read "grendel". i supposed to, but it was boring...
dad: when did you read "the house of the spirits"?
carolyn: at west.
me: "beowolf" was boring too.
mom: it had the scene where he looks up the queen's skirt.
grandma: "beowolf" is an old book.
me: all the classics have "questionable" material.
mom: "the house of the spirits" was so inappropriate.
me: did you ever read it?
mom: no, but i saw part of the movie...
dad: what's west?
carolyn: it's where we went to high school.
me: "grapes of wrath" had language, bludgeoning, and it ended with a woman breast feeding a starving man...
mom: merryl streepe was in it...
me: "scarlet letter" was all about adultery and vengeance...
dad: you went to school with merryl streepe?
carolyn: no.
mom: winona rider was in it...
me: and don't even get me started on "crime and punishment"...
dad: i always liked "1984".
carolyn: except it didn't come true.
mom: jeremy irons was in it...
me: "color purple" had all the lesbian sex...
dad: what?
carolyn: they read "the house of the spirits" at the y.
grandma: did you ever read "lady chatterly's lover" in high school?
me: no.
dad: who?
mom: "lady chatterly's lover". it's an old book.
carolyn: umm...
grandma: the heroine has an affair with a man because her husband has no penis.
-silence. and then hysterical laughter.